The Art of Cool: Class 3, Period 2 (Friday, January 25)

[suit-of-awesome.livejournal.com]

Barney was grinning as he stood at the front of the room chatting rather loudly with Tink. "Ms. Bell, did you get the pictures I sent you the other night?"

Tink clapped her hands excitedly. She did! She got all of them! They were beautiful and she was framing a few of them. Tink took a moment to sigh happily. Their illustrious TA was doing so well. And the others? Come on! Come on! Had they all split with their boring boyfriends and girlfriends and engaged in commitment-free sex?

Barney laughed, "Oh, you need to see the video later. He fainted. It was legendary! The rest of you, tell us about your how your homework went. Weasley, want me to show the video?" Barney was rather cruel at times.

Tink loved his cruelty. And poured herself another shotglass full of absinthe while the students shared their humiliating and wonderful experiences.

"Okay, kiddos," Barney started the real lecture after everyone had presented their homework. "Now, when you suck at sex, something really bad happens. And it's more likely to happen when in a relationship than when happily single and having commitment-free sex. That really bad thing? I'm talking about babies."

Tink shuddered. Babies were ... gross. There was no other word for it. Babies were smelly and stinky and they drooled on you. Babies were sometimes cute, when they laughed and when they smiled, but these were traits one could admire from a distance. Did these idiotic children really want to be responsible for another human life? Did that sound like fun!? No! It didn't! It sounded boring!

"Ms. Bell has made some good points that you should all consider as you struggle through your project this week. Congratulations, you're parents!" Barney laughed maniacally.

Hooray! You have failed entirely at using proper contraception, and have created a new life. What were you thinking? Truthfully, Tink would assume you weren't. For one, it's not like you seem that fond of the practice, and for another, you were probably letting the hormones drive. If you had commitment-free sex more often, you would be able to think clearly, even in the throes of passion. You see? All of this could have been avoided with more sex, not less. But Tink digressed.

"What will represent your children, you ask? Simple: Eggs. Raw eggs, not hard-boiled because, like rotten eggs, babies stink. You will care for your eggs the way you would a child and present your findings next class."

Didn't that sound horrendous and boring? Pretending to bathe and feed the eggs, at least once every few days, just like with real babies. Paying attention to the stupid eggs, and not locking them in a drawer all week, because real babies would make loud noises and crap all over your nice clean drawer and then you'd never be able to get your beauty sleep. No hitting the eggs too much when they cried or were annoying, or then there would be a mess. Gross.

"Gross is right," Barney agreed, making a face. Sure, he liked his future nephew, but he was not keen on children not adopted by his brother. "When we call your names, come get your egg and meet your baby daddy. Or mommy as case may be. And just so this is clear to all of you, as TA, Mr. Weasley is like an extension of myself and Ms. Bell."

Which meant that his word was law, except when it overruled them, because he'd better not try or he'd have an angry pixie to deal with. But other than that, he was free to use his authority as he saw fit. Because - and this was a very important lesson in becoming cool, children - the whole point of having power was to abuse it for your own amusement.

"It's like that poster in our office, 'Power corrupts. Absolute power corrupts absolutely. But it rocks absolutely, too.' Now, listen up for your names!"

[ooc: OMG yes there is homework again! And scary OCD!]

Comments

Sign In [1/25]

[suit-of-awesome.livejournal.com]

With your most horrified icon. As if you have just been told that you are going to be a parent.

Re: Talk During the Lecture [1/25]

[isourking.livejournal.com]

Ron Weasley

Re: Sign In [1/25]

[gobrookeyourself]

Brooke Davis

Talk During the Lecture [1/25]

[suit-of-awesome.livejournal.com]

But you might get busted by Tink or Barney. Or antagonized by Ron.

Re: Talk During the Lecture [1/25]

[isourking.livejournal.com]

Ron was NOT talking about the assignment. Oh no.

He was however monitoring the class in case mocking about Ron's homework occurred.

Re: Talk During the Lecture [1/25]

[gobrookeyourself]

Yeeeah, having already been faced with this little scare once in her life, Brooke was pretty sure she didn't need to listen to this once since it sounded very very wrong.

Re: Talk During the Lecture [1/25]

[minnesota-teen.livejournal.com]

What the?

...

No, really, "What the?"

Re: Talk During the Lecture [1/25]

[withoutverona]

Romeo had precisely no desire to become a parent, and felt fairly blessed (in as much as anything about the experience could be called a blessing) he had not needed to have that conversation with his wife.

But he might have been more interested in watching Brooke than in listening.

Re: Talk During the Lecture [1/25]

[inthereflexes.livejournal.com]

Jack just stared. A lot. He had forgotten to do the homework.

Which, really? Stupid. Because that was great homework.

Turn in Homework [1/25]

[suit-of-awesome.livejournal.com]

By telling your teachers and class ALL about it! (If it happened in-game, feel free to link so we can all be seriously amused check it out.)

Re: Turn in Homework [1/25]

[raspberryturk]

Reno crossed his arms and frowned.

"She thought I was teasin' her, yo."

He sounded almost insulted, here.

Re: Turn in Homework [1/25]

[gobrookeyourself]

"I got an A," Brooke said, still amazed she got graded for this. And she probaby had the potential for extra credit.

Re: Turn in Homework [1/25]

[key-of-heart.livejournal.com]

Sora was staying quiet.

He didn't forget about the assignment.. course not! He remembered, but with the crazy weekend he totally forgot.

That and he just didn't really want to have sex, but he wasn't saying that to Tink or Barney, who knows what their reactions would be.

Re: Turn in Homework [1/25]

[morpherboy.livejournal.com]

Marco really, really didn't want to talk about it.

Re: Turn in Homework [1/25]

[minnesota-teen.livejournal.com]

Amber would lie about her homework if she had to. She didn't do it because there was no one for her to break up with, plus there was no way she was going to have sex with anyone. No. Way.

Re: Turn in Homework [1/25]

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

There was absolutely no way Jeff could have broken up with Turtle, if simply for the fact that she scared him more than absolutely anything ever, up to and including his Cool Professors.

So he sat behind his desk, made himself as small as possible (preferably roughly a vertical line in space so if he turned the right way, he'd be invisible) and hoped for the best. Which he knew he wouldn't get.

Understandably, he was nervous. Because that was a surprise.

Re: Turn in Homework [1/25]

[sixstandingby.livejournal.com]

Yeah, Gavin failed at the homework. No way was he going to do anything like that when he had a girlfriend.

Re: Turn in Homework [1/25]

[withoutverona]

Normally Romeo did not believe in kissing and telling, but since Brooke had already talked ... "I did the assignment, but not because you asked me to."

Re: Turn in Homework [1/25]

[twohalvesofaphd.livejournal.com]

"I wish I could tell you," Zack said. "But I was taught never to kiss and tell."

He hadn't done it, but he was reasonably certain Barney wouldn't actually be interested enough in his sex life to check.

Re: Turn in Homework [1/25]

[dojima-hime.livejournal.com]

Dōjima rolled her eyes. "Homework is for peons and little people. I didn't dump anyone, but I don't have to. I'm not stupid enough to be caught in a relationship."

"Besides, I was too busy laughing at people this weekend to want to sleep with any of them. I mean, really. Did you go to the bar this weekend? Hilarious."

Re: Turn in Homework [1/25]

[moonbrain-tam.livejournal.com]

"Is sex ever commitment-free?" River looked thoughtful. She certainly hadn't split up with anyone, but then there wasn't any promises made between her any the person she would be most likely to split up with, so that was totally unnecessary. On the other hand, that was also the person she most felt like having sex with. That she had had sex had been a mere coincidence and had nothing to do with the homework.

Meet Your Spouse [1/25]

[suit-of-awesome.livejournal.com]

AWW! Aren't couples cute? Decide how you're going to deal with your stinky, boring fake-baby.

Zack Addy

[suit-of-awesome.livejournal.com]

Zack is a single parent because Barney has it in for him, yes.

Your TA - Mr. Weasley [1/25]

[suit-of-awesome.livejournal.com]

Who will ping in with power and gusto and hopefully talk like a human!

Re: Your TA - Mr. Weasley [1/25]

[isourking.livejournal.com]

Ron glared at Barney and sullenly sat at his desk.

Your Fabulous Teachers [1/25]

[suit-of-awesome.livejournal.com]

Who are drinking and laughing at you as they will NEVER be parents!

Re: Your Fabulous Teachers [1/25]

[isourking.livejournal.com]

"You took pictures?!" Ron said looking horrified.

Your OOC [1/25]

[suit-of-awesome.livejournal.com]

*unicorns*

Re: Your OOC [1/25]

[raspberryturk]

<3 This is the most beautiful class ever. Just like all the other ones you guys do.