fandomhigh | The Art of Cool: Class 3, Period 2 (Friday, January 25)

Barney was grinning as he stood at the front of the room chatting rather loudly with Tink. "Ms. Bell, did you get the pictures I sent you the other night?"

Tink clapped her hands excitedly. She did! She got all of them! They were beautiful and she was framing a few of them. Tink took a moment to sigh happily. Their illustrious TA was doing so well. And the others? Come on! Come on! Had they all split with their boring boyfriends and girlfriends and engaged in commitment-free sex?

Barney laughed, "Oh, you need to see the video later. He fainted. It was legendary! The rest of you, tell us about your how your homework went. Weasley, want me to show the video?" Barney was rather cruel at times.

Tink loved his cruelty. And poured herself another shotglass full of absinthe while the students shared their humiliating and wonderful experiences.

"Okay, kiddos," Barney started the real lecture after everyone had presented their homework. "Now, when you suck at sex, something really bad happens. And it's more likely to happen when in a relationship than when happily single and having commitment-free sex. That really bad thing? I'm talking about babies."

Tink shuddered. Babies were ... gross. There was no other word for it. Babies were smelly and stinky and they drooled on you. Babies were sometimes cute, when they laughed and when they smiled, but these were traits one could admire from a distance. Did these idiotic children really want to be responsible for another human life? Did that sound like fun!? No! It didn't! It sounded boring!

"Ms. Bell has made some good points that you should all consider as you struggle through your project this week. Congratulations, you're parents!" Barney laughed maniacally.

Hooray! You have failed entirely at using proper contraception, and have created a new life. What were you thinking? Truthfully, Tink would assume you weren't. For one, it's not like you seem that fond of the practice, and for another, you were probably letting the hormones drive. If you had commitment-free sex more often, you would be able to think clearly, even in the throes of passion. You see? All of this could have been avoided with more sex, not less. But Tink digressed.

"What will represent your children, you ask? Simple: Eggs. Raw eggs, not hard-boiled because, like rotten eggs, babies stink. You will care for your eggs the way you would a child and present your findings next class."

Didn't that sound horrendous and boring? Pretending to bathe and feed the eggs, at least once every few days, just like with real babies. Paying attention to the stupid eggs, and not locking them in a drawer all week, because real babies would make loud noises and crap all over your nice clean drawer and then you'd never be able to get your beauty sleep. No hitting the eggs too much when they cried or were annoying, or then there would be a mess. Gross.

"Gross is right," Barney agreed, making a face. Sure, he liked his future nephew, but he was not keen on children not adopted by his brother. "When we call your names, come get your egg and meet your baby daddy. Or mommy as case may be. And just so this is clear to all of you, as TA, Mr. Weasley is like an extension of myself and Ms. Bell."

Which meant that his word was law, except when it overruled them, because he'd better not try or he'd have an angry pixie to deal with. But other than that, he was free to use his authority as he saw fit. Because - and this was a very important lesson in becoming cool, children - the whole point of having power was to abuse it for your own amusement.

"It's like that poster in our office, 'Power corrupts. Absolute power corrupts absolutely. But it rocks absolutely, too.' Now, listen up for your names!"

[ooc: OMG yes there is homework again! And scary OCD!]

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The Egg was so cute! Robin was gonna draw hair and a face on it.

Harry had apparently had an egg. With a frog. Somehow this didn't even seem all that weird.

"Uh. So we have an egg. Now what?"

"Hmm. Well the eggs I'm used to are supposed to be underwater, but I don't think it's the same thing with these eggs. They have to be kept warm, I know that."

~~Is it wrong of me to want this thing to hatch by the end? Or turn into a Muppet Egg?~~

"Won't it rot or something if we keep it warm though? I mean, we probably shouldn't be refrigerating egg babies or anything, but still. I don't want a rotten baby."

Robin had actually forgotten it was supposed to be a human baby, not an actual egg. "Oh uh, right. But you're supposed to keep human baby's warm too right?"

"Yeah," Harry said. Although that was almost the extent of his full baby knowledge. "I mean, you don't want them freezing or anything. So I guess as long as it isn't warm enough to make it go bad or boil or anything."

"Hmm, okay so, room temperature, but maybe wrapped in a blanket then."

"I don't think I have any egg sized blankets. I might have a handkerchief or something though. Should we give it a name?" Babies probably should have names.

"That'll work. Hmm, a name. Is it a boy egg or a girl egg?"

Harry looked at the egg. Then he looked at Robin. Then back to the egg. "I have no idea. We could go with a neutral sort of name. Like Jess. Or Alex. Or Sam. Or Egg. Or Benedict, Poached, Scrambled, Omelet...or maybe not the last few. Might give it a complex or something."

Robin snickered. "I like Jess."

"Okay. Jess it is. Cool."
He had an egg, with a name, and was talking to a frog. Harry still didn't think any of this was that weird.

That's because Harry was cool. "So, how should we uh, share custody?"

"Um. We've got a week right? So should we just split it evenly? Got a preference for either half? I'm good with either."

"I'm good with either as well. How about, you take it the first half and I'll take it the second half?"

"Sounds like a plan to me." And one not doomed to failure, which Harry thought was always a plus. "So we should trade off Monday night or Tuesday morning?"

"Monday night." Robin said after some thought.

"Okay. I'll deliver Jess the egg Monday night then. Hopefully still in one piece."

"Hopefully." Robin nodded.

"Where's your room?" Harry asked. Might be good to know where the egg's other daddy lived, after all.

"208."

"I'll come down there Monday night then. Sound good?"

"Sounds good." Robin nodded.

The Art of Cool: Class 3, Period 2 (Friday, January 25)

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