fandomhigh | The Art of Cool: Class 3, Period 2 (Friday, January 25)

Barney was grinning as he stood at the front of the room chatting rather loudly with Tink. "Ms. Bell, did you get the pictures I sent you the other night?"

Tink clapped her hands excitedly. She did! She got all of them! They were beautiful and she was framing a few of them. Tink took a moment to sigh happily. Their illustrious TA was doing so well. And the others? Come on! Come on! Had they all split with their boring boyfriends and girlfriends and engaged in commitment-free sex?

Barney laughed, "Oh, you need to see the video later. He fainted. It was legendary! The rest of you, tell us about your how your homework went. Weasley, want me to show the video?" Barney was rather cruel at times.

Tink loved his cruelty. And poured herself another shotglass full of absinthe while the students shared their humiliating and wonderful experiences.

"Okay, kiddos," Barney started the real lecture after everyone had presented their homework. "Now, when you suck at sex, something really bad happens. And it's more likely to happen when in a relationship than when happily single and having commitment-free sex. That really bad thing? I'm talking about babies."

Tink shuddered. Babies were ... gross. There was no other word for it. Babies were smelly and stinky and they drooled on you. Babies were sometimes cute, when they laughed and when they smiled, but these were traits one could admire from a distance. Did these idiotic children really want to be responsible for another human life? Did that sound like fun!? No! It didn't! It sounded boring!

"Ms. Bell has made some good points that you should all consider as you struggle through your project this week. Congratulations, you're parents!" Barney laughed maniacally.

Hooray! You have failed entirely at using proper contraception, and have created a new life. What were you thinking? Truthfully, Tink would assume you weren't. For one, it's not like you seem that fond of the practice, and for another, you were probably letting the hormones drive. If you had commitment-free sex more often, you would be able to think clearly, even in the throes of passion. You see? All of this could have been avoided with more sex, not less. But Tink digressed.

"What will represent your children, you ask? Simple: Eggs. Raw eggs, not hard-boiled because, like rotten eggs, babies stink. You will care for your eggs the way you would a child and present your findings next class."

Didn't that sound horrendous and boring? Pretending to bathe and feed the eggs, at least once every few days, just like with real babies. Paying attention to the stupid eggs, and not locking them in a drawer all week, because real babies would make loud noises and crap all over your nice clean drawer and then you'd never be able to get your beauty sleep. No hitting the eggs too much when they cried or were annoying, or then there would be a mess. Gross.

"Gross is right," Barney agreed, making a face. Sure, he liked his future nephew, but he was not keen on children not adopted by his brother. "When we call your names, come get your egg and meet your baby daddy. Or mommy as case may be. And just so this is clear to all of you, as TA, Mr. Weasley is like an extension of myself and Ms. Bell."

Which meant that his word was law, except when it overruled them, because he'd better not try or he'd have an angry pixie to deal with. But other than that, he was free to use his authority as he saw fit. Because - and this was a very important lesson in becoming cool, children - the whole point of having power was to abuse it for your own amusement.

"It's like that poster in our office, 'Power corrupts. Absolute power corrupts absolutely. But it rocks absolutely, too.' Now, listen up for your names!"

[ooc: OMG yes there is homework again! And scary OCD!]

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River had done this before, in a different class. She knew how to deal with eggs.

Seregil looked over at River. "It's a.... I'm not sure you can figure out the sex of an egg."

River raised an eyebrow. "Is that important? I believe you can chose if you want." She handed the egg to Seregil.

Seregil looked down at it bemused. "Girl," he decided. "Boys are too much trouble."

River chuckled and decided Seregil didn't have much experience with little girls. She wasn't sure Simon would agree with him. "Last time I did this Berthold ate the egg. Perhaps you should take care of it."

"I suppose as long as it's not a romance novel, Bob should leave it alone," Seregil mused. "Berthold?"

"Tentacled monster residing under my bed. He has an appetite." She grinned. "Should we boil it?"

"That would be cheating," Seregil pointed out, though with a grin. It wasn't as if he had something against doing so.

"So we boil it." River nodded. "And you keep it in your room." She grinned.

"Seems a workable plan," Seregil said. "I wouldn't leave Bob in charge of a real child but he should be an adequate minder for an egg."

"And so we're both relieved of out parental duties," River commented, not minding at all.

"Seems only fair since we didn't have the fun that precedes the duties," Seregil said.

"You haven't asked me," River replied solemnly. She was teasing him, of course.

"I generally like to work up to that sort of thing," Seregil said with a smile. "Show how charming and likable I am first."

"And how charming and likeable are you?" There was a crooked smile. "I can read your mind."

"Really," Seregil said. "That's got to be... noisy."

"Yes. Still didn't answer my question."

"How charming do and likable do you want me to be?"

"As charming and likeable as you want to be." River looked amused.

The Art of Cool: Class 3, Period 2 (Friday, January 25)

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