fandomhigh | The Art of Cool: Class 3, Period 2 (Friday, January 25)

Barney was grinning as he stood at the front of the room chatting rather loudly with Tink. "Ms. Bell, did you get the pictures I sent you the other night?"

Tink clapped her hands excitedly. She did! She got all of them! They were beautiful and she was framing a few of them. Tink took a moment to sigh happily. Their illustrious TA was doing so well. And the others? Come on! Come on! Had they all split with their boring boyfriends and girlfriends and engaged in commitment-free sex?

Barney laughed, "Oh, you need to see the video later. He fainted. It was legendary! The rest of you, tell us about your how your homework went. Weasley, want me to show the video?" Barney was rather cruel at times.

Tink loved his cruelty. And poured herself another shotglass full of absinthe while the students shared their humiliating and wonderful experiences.

"Okay, kiddos," Barney started the real lecture after everyone had presented their homework. "Now, when you suck at sex, something really bad happens. And it's more likely to happen when in a relationship than when happily single and having commitment-free sex. That really bad thing? I'm talking about babies."

Tink shuddered. Babies were ... gross. There was no other word for it. Babies were smelly and stinky and they drooled on you. Babies were sometimes cute, when they laughed and when they smiled, but these were traits one could admire from a distance. Did these idiotic children really want to be responsible for another human life? Did that sound like fun!? No! It didn't! It sounded boring!

"Ms. Bell has made some good points that you should all consider as you struggle through your project this week. Congratulations, you're parents!" Barney laughed maniacally.

Hooray! You have failed entirely at using proper contraception, and have created a new life. What were you thinking? Truthfully, Tink would assume you weren't. For one, it's not like you seem that fond of the practice, and for another, you were probably letting the hormones drive. If you had commitment-free sex more often, you would be able to think clearly, even in the throes of passion. You see? All of this could have been avoided with more sex, not less. But Tink digressed.

"What will represent your children, you ask? Simple: Eggs. Raw eggs, not hard-boiled because, like rotten eggs, babies stink. You will care for your eggs the way you would a child and present your findings next class."

Didn't that sound horrendous and boring? Pretending to bathe and feed the eggs, at least once every few days, just like with real babies. Paying attention to the stupid eggs, and not locking them in a drawer all week, because real babies would make loud noises and crap all over your nice clean drawer and then you'd never be able to get your beauty sleep. No hitting the eggs too much when they cried or were annoying, or then there would be a mess. Gross.

"Gross is right," Barney agreed, making a face. Sure, he liked his future nephew, but he was not keen on children not adopted by his brother. "When we call your names, come get your egg and meet your baby daddy. Or mommy as case may be. And just so this is clear to all of you, as TA, Mr. Weasley is like an extension of myself and Ms. Bell."

Which meant that his word was law, except when it overruled them, because he'd better not try or he'd have an angry pixie to deal with. But other than that, he was free to use his authority as he saw fit. Because - and this was a very important lesson in becoming cool, children - the whole point of having power was to abuse it for your own amusement.

"It's like that poster in our office, 'Power corrupts. Absolute power corrupts absolutely. But it rocks absolutely, too.' Now, listen up for your names!"

[ooc: OMG yes there is homework again! And scary OCD!]

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The look she gave him should destroy any such hope. "No. You're the pappa, go hire a nanny or something."

Romeo was quite familiar with that model of child rearing, and so that drew a grin despite his dashed hopes. "A nurse would make this assignment far easier," he said. "Do you know someone we could hire?"

Belatedly, he remembered the last weekend -- no way had Frank left him enough to pay a nurse. "Since you are my partner, your money is my money, and so we shall pay the nurse as you do."

"Maaaaybe..." she drawled, looking thoughtful. "My sister is such a sweet girl..."

"Although worse-case scenario, we can shove it in the common room freezer for a week."

Romeo quirked a brow at that. "You worry about me tapping at him and you wish to freeze our child? If your sister cannot be convinced to nanny ... I suppose we must work out a schedule for the babe's care."

"The teachers won't see us put the baby in the freezer," Dōjima explained, "But they can see you poking at it now."

"Give me the baby," she sighed, holding out one hand. "I'll go find Naminé today and see if she'll be the nanny for a nebulous and unspecified bribe of some sort."

Romeo had to admit she had a point, and passed the egg over with no further manhandling.

"I work at Pixie Dust, if that can be enlisted in the bribe," he told her. "And if your sister proves uncorruptable, I am in room 502 and would take the baby if needed."

[OOC: I have to say, I love how quickly they agreed on the nanny plan.]

"Oh, she's corruptible. I don't think it'll be a problem," she said, wrinkling her nose at the 'baby'. "I just need to buy her a few drinks first. Naminé will think it a splendid game, she's adorable like that."

[ooc: Beautiful, blonde, rich children of privilege. Was the outcome really ever in doubt?]

"Then we are lucky indeed," Romeo grinned. If all the homework was this easy, he might even be getting over his objection to the class as a whole.

"Well, we obviously 'got lucky' at some point if we have the baby, yes?" Dōjima winked at Romeo as she examined their offspring. "Aw, it think it has your eyes. Cute!"

"The eyes may be mine, but the mouth is thine," Romeo decided. "We made a most beautiful egg."

The Art of Cool: Class 3, Period 2 (Friday, January 25)

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