fandomhigh | 15 Ways to Protect Yourself and Others: Week 15, Period 3

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protect yourself and others

15 Ways to Protect Yourself and Others: Week 15, Period 3

"Exam today," Aly said once all the students were assembled in the classroom. "And, for once, I have an exam for you." She had just the smallest grin of amusement. "I know, I hate theory, but I'm curious to see what you all say. Don't worry too much. These all have multiple right answers. Just tell me what you think."

She handed out the exam, still looking more than a bit amused.

Question 1: You've been attacked by a bear. What do you do now?
Question 2: Your BFF has been attacked by a bear. What do you do?
Question 3: Chuck Norris shows up and roundhouse kicks you. How badly are you dead?
Question 4: Ninja surround you and your partner. What do you do?
Question 5: What's the most important thing you learned at Fandom this semester?

After all the papers had been handed out, Aly looked around the room, meeting everyone's eyes. "It's been a pleasure having you all in my class this semester. I'd be thrilled to see any of your names on my roster for next term, but if not, feel free to stop into my office hours at any time to talk, say hi, or just check for the Kool-Aid man who lives in my closet."

"Any questions on the exam or anything else? Feel free to ask."

[OOC: OCD is coming up]

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Like it's the very last time.

Prue Halliwell

Z Delgado

Bridge Carson

S.T. Anders

Seely Booth

Jaina Solo

Adam Park

Yasutora Sado

Dean Winchester

Inara Serra

Teddy Altman

Eve Levine

William Kessler

Peter Parker

Before the exam. Or last minute studying. Like that would help.

Question 1: You've been attacked by a bear. What do you do now? Gain a clear line of sight away from the bear. Create a replicate of myself at a safe distance, transferring my primary consciousness into that replicate. From a safe distance, determine that the bear is not, in fact, a friend/ally cursed by an evil space witch. If so, shoot the bear (to stun) and go for help. If not, simply run away.

Question 2: Your BFF has been attacked by a bear. What do you do? Determine that the bear is not, in fact, a friend/ally cursed by an evil space witch. Shoot the bear. If a cursed friend/ally, shoot to stun. If not, shoot to kill. Administer appropriate first aid to my BFF and call for help.

Question 3: Chuck Norris shows up and roundhouse kicks you. How badly are you dead? Very. Luckily, just before he kicked me I created a replicate, which he kicked instead. The replicate died, rendering my primary self merely temporarily catatonic.

Question 4: Ninja surround you and your partner. What do you do? I ask them what's up, and how things are at their Academy, unless they are evil space ninjas. If they are evil space ninjas I create enough replicates to even the odds, call for backup, and then my partner and I engage them in ~~wire-fu~~ hand-to-hand combat.

Question 5: What's the most important thing you learned at Fandom this semester? I am not a curse, and my friends do actually like me.

Question 1: You've been attacked by a bear. What do you do now?
That's pretty easily taken care of with a lightsaber. I'd try to eliminate whatever had him attacking me (he thought I stole food or a cub or something, for instance) if it means leaving him alive, but I'm still winning.

Question 2: Your BFF has been attacked by a bear. What do you do?
He'd already be handling the bear. I'd add assistance where needed and medical attention afterwards.

Question 3: Chuck Norris shows up and roundhouse kicks you. How badly are you dead?
Give me a little credit. I'd like to think it would take more than one roundhouse kick.

Question 4: Ninja surround you and your partner. What do you do?
Depending on how many ninjas, a battle meld might be a good idea, in which case the ninjas get fought. If I didn't have my lightsaber on me I'd just have to hope my hand-to-hand is good enough.

Question 5: What's the most important thing you learned at Fandom this semester?
Apparently I rely on my lightsaber too much. See also questions 1, 2, and 4.

Question 1: You've been attacked by a bear. What do you do now?

How did you know I've been attacked by a bear? ... You mean a polar bear, right? Because platypus bears are pretty lame.

Okay, hypothetically, if it were to happen again -- you need a nice long hunting spear, or else some sort of ranged weapon, because they're strong, and have long arms and sharp claws. So, as long as I had my boomerang, I'd just kill it.

Question 2: Your BFF has been attacked by a bear. What do you do?

My best best friend? Uh. If the bear's not already dead or running away, I'd probably help him fight it off.

Question 3: Chuck Norris shows up and roundhouse kicks you. How badly are you dead?

Very -- It's Chuck Norris!!!

But I'm faster than him, so I might have been able to dodge.

Question 4: Ninja surround you and your partner. What do you do?

Are they good ninjas, or bad ninjas?

If they're bad ninjas, and there's enough that "surround" is an appropriate word to use, I'd probably have to grab my partner and run. Depending on my partner. I mean, if my partner is, for example, Katara, or Deadpool, then we fight and kick their butts.

Question 5: What's the most important thing you learned at Fandom this semester?

That I really, really need to steal some of Lieutenant Kerrigan's tech and take it home with me.

Question 1: You've been attacked by a bear. What do you do now? ~~Wonder what I could possibly be doing around live bears.~~ Depending on how badly I am injured, I try to stop the bleeding or ignore it, then stagger my way to the nearest vehicle or roadway or person for help and medical assistance.

Question 2: Your BFF has been attacked by a bear. What do you do?

Distract the bear with the handy meat that I have been carrying for ~~picnic purposes~~ just such an occasion, then throw the meat as far from myself as possible before administering whatever first aid is necessary, getting them to their feet (or building a travois and dragging them) and to safety.

Question 3: Chuck Norris shows up and roundhouse kicks you. How badly are you dead?

Who is Chuck Norris? A roundhouse kick can be blocked or dodged, so hopefully I'd do that, no matter who aimed it at me.

Question 4: Ninja surround you and your partner. What do you do?

~~Blame Mal for getting me into the situation.~~ Try to reason with them and determine why we're surrounded. Then, either sit still, share tea and meditation, or try to avoid them by running up into the trees, or away from them in some other direction. Or, if I'm in the same location as Questions 1 and 2, run them directly toward the angry bear.

Question 5: What's the most important thing you learned at Fandom this semester?

Love.

Question 1: You've been attacked by a bear. What do you do now?

Punch the bear until it goes away.

Question 2: Your BFF has been attacked by a bear. What do you do?

...wait for the bear to thaw?

Question 3: Chuck Norris shows up and roundhouse kicks you. How badly are you dead?

Well, I might heal from that, actually.

Question 4: Ninja surround you and your partner. What do you do?

Are they good ninjas like Haku? Or bad like, say, Elektra. Because if it's Elektra, I might already be dead.

Question 5: What's the most important thing you learned at Fandom this semester?

That people make their own decisions. Even bad ones.

Question 1: You've been attacked by a bear. What do you do now? I... flail. And then cast an immobilization spell.
Question 2: Your BFF has been attacked by a bear. What do you do? Okay, now that bear's just dead. Fuck with me, okay. Fuck with my friends? You get your ass kicked.
Question 3: Chuck Norris shows up and roundhouse kicks you. How badly are you dead? I'm already dead! No, really, I am. So, y'know, not so much with the Norris-induced death.
Question 4: Ninja surround you and your partner. What do you do? Shrug and cast spells. Because honestly, ninjas? Not scary.
Question 5: What's the most important thing you learned at Fandom this semester? Do NOT try and handle something yourself. Always have back-up. Good back-up is important.

Question 1: You've been attacked by a bear. What do you do now? Possibly get digested. But seriously, after hopefully driving off, or escaping the bear, I would then attempt to get to safety. Cell phones are a wonderful invention don't you think?
Question 2: Your BFF has been attacked by a bear. What do you do? Mourn them. Again, just kidding. Drive off the bear as best I could, and then apply emergency first aid, and light a signal fire for help.
Question 3: Chuck Norris shows up and roundhouse kicks you. How badly are you dead? ...Chuck Norris? You're kidding right? Please. There's plenty of martial artists I couldn't take. He ain't one of them. ~~In case Chuck Norris should read this, Billy's opinion does not reflect that of the mun.~~
Question 4: Ninja surround you and your partner. What do you do? Open up the proverbial can of whup ass. Depending on who my partner is. Most likely create an opening for escape and regrouping.
Question 5: What's the most important thing you learned at Fandom this semester? The common cold is not to be trifled with. Or did you mean in this class? The importance of cooking.

Question 1: Use webbing to glue the bear to a tree.
Question 2: Use webbing to glue the bear to a tree and then punch it.
Question 3: Not at all. I dodged.
Question 4: I beat them up just enough to get my partner away from the ninjas.
Question 5: You can protect people without throwing a single punch.

1) Depends on whether this is a bear-bear, or a monster based on a bear, like a teddy bear or a statue that was brought to life, or a robot bear, or someone under a spell who's been transformed into a bear. If it's an actual bear, try to stop the bleeding because really, what are the chances that there won't be bleeding? If it's a monster or a robot, blow it up. If it's someone under a spell, break the spell (usually tied to an object with an innocuous name such as the "sword of darkness")

2) Blow it up, unless it's a person under a spell in which case blow up whatever's controlling the spell. Get someone with healing mojo to help my BFF and/or find a doctor. Whichever's closer.

3) Who's Chuck Norris? I suppose it depends on where he kicks.

4) If we're being surrounded by ninjas, it's probably because we've either accidentally stumbled across their hidden Academy or we're participating in a training exercise at aforementioned hidden Academy. If it's the former, apologise profusely and promise not to reveal the location of their hidden Academy. If it's the latter, then they're ninja students and we're supposed to fight them in order to evaluate their ninja skills or something like that. The other option of course is that they're evil space ninjas, in which case there's bound to be a fight. Hope there's an Abyss of Evil handy to toss them into if things get rough.

5) Pranking effectively relies not only on being able to perform the prank undetected, but on covering your tracks well enough after the fact. And this could apply to non-prank-related situations where one needs to be sneaky, as well.

Question 1: You've been attacked by a bear. What do you do now?

Offer it something. If I don't have anything to offer, I'll try to talk him out of it. If I fail to talk him out it, I play dead until he goes away. They did an episode about that in Carnivorous Kingdom.

Question 2: Your BFF has been attacked by a bear. What do you do?

Put myself in between said BFF and said bear. See question number one.

Question 3: Chuck Norris shows up and roundhouse kicks you. How badly are you dead?

Probably pretty badly. But not badly enough that I'd have to go to the clinic, I swear.

Question 4: Ninja surround you and your partner. What do you do?

Only way to get through ninja are to fight them, so I'd fight them, and hope some of them don't go bankai.

Question 5: What's the most important thing you learned at Fandom this semester?

That no matter what you've been through before and what you know you can take, people are still going to worry about you, so, for their sakes, you shouldn't always just jump right into things. Even if you can handle it, they might not be able to.

She's there. She has coffee. Maybe even enough to share.

A large measure of the blame for the examination goes to

mouthy_merc and

konoha_flash. Seriously. Yo.

Thank you all for making this class so much fun! Y'all rock!

Edited 2007-12-18 07:38 (UTC)

Claire is not at this final for reasons which should now be obvious (http://notstakedyet.livejournal.com/86822.html). Dropping a comment here in case any one wants to notice...

I fail at braining this early in the morning and shall post Bridge's test answers once I get back from Land of Sandwich! :)

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