fandomhigh | How to be a Comic Book Superhero (Monday, outside the Kwik Stop)

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how to be a superhero

How to be a Comic Book Superhero (Monday, outside the Kwik Stop)

Today's topic, as written on Bob's whiteboard?

'PUBLICITY:
How not to be a 'tard like the dude in that last movie'

Jay, however, was on top of the Kwik Stop, hefting a baseball bat above his head. "Come, son of Jor-El! Kneel before Zod!"

Bob rolled his eyes and wrote 'What Not To Do' with an arrow snaking upwards. Then he wrote 'Good Publicity' and 'Bad Publicity' with a line separating them. Time for the one-sided discussion portion of the class.

After that, Bob erased the board and wrote, 'SIDEKICKS?'. And, finally, 'LAST CLASS NEXT WEEK. Bring all class materials.'

[['Class materials' means the bong sabers, the inflatable doll, the duct tape, etc. OCD ~~coming~~ up.]]

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Rikku slid her chair over near Luke's, not worrying much about talking while Jay was talking, because hey. It was Jay.

"That was last week," she said with a nod. "Forgot to tell you. We get sidekicks and we can bring 'em along for the final. I totally call dibs on Dawn."

Luke pouted. "No fair," he decided.

"This is what happens when you skip class," Rikku said loftily. "Besides, she was my spoooooooon avenger way before the club. We're old-school."

"I'll find someone just as great as Dawn," he declared.

Then paused. "You know, somewhere..."

Rikku giggled. "You could ask Gavin?" she said. "He's got a blaster-thing. He'd totally be all badass."

Luke grinned. "That's an excellent suggestion. Maybe he can grow a mustache for it, too."

She grinned back. "A mustache?! I can't picture it. But I'm saying right now, if he shows up in sequins and asks where und tigah is, I'm out of here."

"His cousin had one that looked like it was going to eat his face," Luke said with a sad smile. "He was so damned proud of that thing."

Rikku bit her lip. "Oh. It's, uh, that kinda thing, huh? Sorry. Yeah."

Luke waved his hand, looking sheepish. "Sorry, long month. You get to deal with a really fun Luke. I apologize."

"Don't be silly," she said, giving him a sympathetic smile. "I mean, I know the drill, the whole 'hey, let's list off the people who shouldn't be dead.' And that's before the whole ..." She dropped her voice. "You know. Mess you've got going right now. Hey, I was emo enough last month. You totally get a turn."

"That list is coming around for the first time this month," Luke said softly. "And Tori's leaving soon, and Rory before that and I'll just be stuck here with him, and can we do ice cream and wallowing soon?"

"We can totally do ice cream and wallowing soon," Rikku said, nodding. "Get some PJs or else you'll be stuck with the really embarrassing ones Dawn and I picked out for you. And we might make you wear them anyway. And we have totally-cute-but-boyfriend-safe ones for ourselves and - oh! I might be, uh, out of town later this week, but that's just a couple days, so any time you wanna wallow that isn't then is good." She was blushing a little so she stammered on to the next point she could think of, an entirely tactless one. "H-have you tried ... talking to him? Or you're still doing the never-talking-to-him-again? 'Cause that's okay, too, I'm not gonna judge, here. He, uh, he was kinda worried about you in --"

Her eyes got wide. "Class! Flying! He got all SOMEONE IS MESSING WITH LUKE and stomped off and you were in Umbridge's office and are you okay!? I was going to ask and it's been so crazy that I totally forgot and did she hurt you!? Because I will beat her and I have a Godhand and I totally think I could take her."

Luke's mouth had dropped open a bit at Rikku's stream of consciousness. "I'm fine," he said, quietly. "It's nothing that won't heal. And no, I haven't talked to him. He's been calling but I haven't been picking up and he can just learn that someone's said no to him for once in his life."

"'It'll heal' is not the same as 'fine'," she said darkly. "She hexed my legs on backwards. I had to get Hermione to take it off again. And I was being nice."

She considered for a minute. "Okay, not nice, really? But I mean, I was almost civil. Just kinda indifferent. I wasn't actually trying to piss her off or anything, I just didn't care much. That's ... and so she zapped me, you know? It's insane." She made a face. "And she's got it in for Hermione. This is gonna be bad."

Luke frowned. "Well, she'll have to get around us first," he declared. He gave her an appraising look, then rolled up his left sleeve to show her the scar stretching down his forearm. "This was to prove she could," he said quietly, "which was probably what my father felt. I was...surprised."

Rikku stared for a long moment, face impassive.

"So, uh, this is where I'm supposed to be all mature and not stomp over there and attempt to feed her her own lungs, right?"

"If you wouldn't mind," Luke said with a wry smile. "She's still alive and I know my father saw her...so she has to be pretty formidable."

Rikku nodded. "Okay. Yeah. Gonna be mature here. And just ask you to not, uh, make yourself more of a target than you have, like, I know we're probably gonna do something at some point, 'cause we have to, but I mean the amusing crap like 'hahaha, I showed her, OH GREAT, MY EYE.' Being mature."

She nodded again. And then made a face. "Do I have to? 'Cause the lungs thing really ... seems more appropriate and all. That bitch."

"I'm not planning on coming any closer to her than, well, this," he said. "Not by myself. I can annoy from a distance if it becomes necessary, and ignoring her decrees is easy enough. I have no urge to paint myself blue and parade around waving a sign that says 'Umbridge is a poodoo head.'"

Rikku cracked up. "Oh, man. But that would be awesome. She couldn't even be mad, she'd just think you were crazy."

"Massive non-existent gremlin bite epidemic?" Luke asked, eyes sparkling.

Rikku clapped her hands. "You know, I totally said a minute ago that we shouldn't pester her. But ... Hermione and I were talking, and we think ... maybe she just really, really needs a hug. You know? Or several. Probably a big group one."

"Group hug," Luke said. "Don't go near her alone. Hermione especially."

"Oh!" Rikku flailed a little. "This was, you know. The idea was, there'd be a lot of us going, to do the hug thing. We'd pretend it was an Al Bhed national holiday and have signs and everything. I wouldn't go to her office alone at this point, 'cause if I did, either I'd punch her or she'd do something sick to me and either way, wow, that goes bad places fast."

How to be a Comic Book Superhero (Monday, outside the Kwik Stop)

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