fandomhigh | Firearms and You #4 (Thursday period 2)

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Firearms and You #4 (Thursday period 2)

The class met in the cabin clearing as they were ~~handwavily~~ emailed to do so.

"Hey guys," Dean said, once everyone was there. "Dad's busy relearning the joys of diapers and 2 am feedings so you get me as a teacher for the next couple of weeks.

"Today, we're going to do a little skeet shooting," Dean said, handing each person a handout on the subject. He grinned."Cept we're going to do it Winchester style.

"We never had the money or the opportunity to practice on a real genuine skeet shooting range, so we improvised. Dad bought lots of old plates from thrift stores and juryrigged a catpault to get them airborne for us to shoot. Sammy's standing over there by the catapault," Dean nodded towards where his brother was standing by a obviously homemade machine. "So all we need is some plates to put in it."

Dean grinned widely and reached into the sack on the table beside him and pulled out one of Umbridge's kitten plates and tossed it to his brother, who, wearing a matching grin, loaded it into the catapault and nodded at Dean.

Picking up his shotgun, Dean yelled, "Pull!" at which, Sam triggered the catpault and the plate went sailing high into the air. Dean tracked the plate with his gun for a heartbeat or two before firing, hitting the plate deadon, shattering it into many pieces.

Still grinning widely, Dean turned back to the class. "That's one plate down, but there's plenty more. Who wants a turn next?"

[ooc: kitten plates and little brother modded with permission, ~~wait for~~ OCD's are up! Fire at will. Or at kitten plates!]

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Anders glanced over at her, his facial expression probably mirroring hers. "I know, right?"

Charlie nodded, disturbed. "They're pink and adorable and the cats at Groovy Tunes would so beat up on that kitten," she said, pointing at the plate. "And they won't even pick on Prince Oscar Pedro."

"I have nothing against cats in general," said Anders, thinking of Valkyrie and Seraphim in particular, "but these creep me the frak out. It's like, they're aggressively cute in a scary way. So I really kind of have no objection to shooting 'em."

"And it's like shooting DVD footage, right?" Charlie asked, a little worried. "I mean. They're two-dimensional. And maybe we're just setting it free," she said, cheering up a little more. "Bye-bye, kitty. Go to fuzzy heaven." She took a breath. "PULL!"

zzzziiiiing

*bang!*

Charlie missed, but the plate hit the ground with a crash anyway.

"And you get the satisfying smash no matter what," Anders declared, raising his own gun to his shoulder. "Everybody wins! Except the plate. I wouldn't worry about it. For all we know they're, like, evil soul-sucking creatures forced to look like cute kittens and then trapped in the plate version of Bridge and Z's tiny card jail."

He tensed his finger on the trigger. "Pull!"

Unfortunately, despite his words he had a moment's crisis of conscience when the plate meowed plaintively while hurtling through the air (weirdest psychological Doppler effect ever) and hesitated; some of the buckshot from his shotgun round only tagged the edge of the plate, which went spinning off into a tree and shattered nicely.

Poor tree.

"Eeep," Charlie said in exaggerated horror. "You broke the kitten jail. On that tree." She shook her head sadly. "Mean, mean. PULL!"

This time, she managed to hit one of the plates, and watched it break into pieces, the mewing spreading out and dissipating as the plate shattered.

"I haven't had Detention yet. Is it really bad?"

"Amazingly, I've managed to stay out of that kind of trouble for almost a year now," Anders answered, suppressing an instinctive shudder at the dissipating mewing, because that was just weird. "I don't think anything was as bad as my first detention here, that's for damn sure, but for all I know they could be worse, now."

He pumped the shotgun -- an action and accompanying sound effect that were just way too much fun -- and yelled "PULL!" again as he played "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" in his head to counteract any disarming kitten noises.

Apparently it worked; this time he hit the plate squarely and even had the satisfaction of watching a couple of pieces crumble into something very close to powder.

"That was really really good," Charlie congratulated him. She then went to talk with Dean briefly, and came back even more chipper. "Okay! So, if we get asked, we don't know where the plates came from. Nope nope. And maybe we'll get Detention anyway. But I don't think I like our new Principal," she said, her expression mulish. "So I'll take the Detention if I have to and think of smashing kittens. PULL!"

She missed again, but got closer. Shatter, clink, chink as the plate fell to the ground. "And what happened during your first Detention?"

"Aww, thanks. Pull!" Anders's shot was a little high, and took a few chunks out of the back of the plate, which spun erratically into a rock and shattered without so much as a mew (thank frak).

"Well, we had this insane -- I mean like literally -- vampire teaching it, and she made us watch this stupid slideshow. Yeah, I know, doesn't sound that bad, right? Except for how she made everybody hold on to a creepy beat-up little doll without eyes the entire time, and wouldn't let us leave until we told everybody what we did wrong, and, you know, the part where she was insane."

"Whooooooa." Charlie blinked, staring at Anders, and then said, "And suddenly our new temporary principal looks a lot better. Pull!" She carefully sighted and took s tiny chink out of one edge, and watched it fracture and spread china-kitten shrapnel everywhere. "Although it's not going to stop me from shooting these plates."

"No she doesn't," Anders said heatedly, not even bothering to yell for a new plate to shoot. "Because at least crazy vampire lady wouldn't have tried to split up my room, and she didn't even try to hide the fact that she was crazy and evil. I can stomach that a lot more than people who pretend to be what they're not."

"She's trying to split up your room?" Charlie asked, blinking. "Oh, your roommate's a girl? I'm sorry. That does kind of suck. And you know, it doesn't make her evil, just kind of... mean. And creepy. That she even cares, I mean, around here, when everyone's okay with co-ed roomies now."

"Technically?" Anders set the gun down for now -- safety, don't you know. "Technically my roommate is Bridge, but I haven't exactly been staying in . . . I mean, girlfriend and all."

"Ohhh. Well." Charlie looked thoughtful. "Yeah, if Principal Washburn didn't care, then Miss Umbridge shouldn't, but... wait. Maybe she doesn't know?" she suggested hopefully.

"She better not." He was wearing that stubborn look again. "And even if she does, neither me, Phoebe, or Bel is gonna go along with it."

Charlie gave him a puzzled look. "Bel of-- Oh! Cuddle-time-hour!" Then put her hands over her face. "Damnit, Turtle... Sorry!"

"Cuddle-time-what?" repeated Anders. "What does Turtle have to do with . . . huh?"

"Nothing," Charlie said in a very small voice.

"Charlieeeeeeee," wheedled Anders. "I'm not gonna kill you or get mad, I swear. C'mon, what is it?"

Charlie turned brighter red, and mumbled, "Turtle calls you guys the Bel-Phoebe-Anders Cuddle Time Hour when she talks about you on the Radio." She put her hands over her eyes. "But she still says you're cuter than Marco!"

Anders burst out laughing. "Am I doomed to forever have some cute nickname for me and the people I'm dating when we get mentioned on the radio or something? I mean, it's not like it's not true . . ."

"Oh, whew. You're not mad at her? Really? Good!" Charlie beamed at him. "And, maybe? I can't remember what other people call you guys. I just make sure to listen when it's Turtle. What other nicknames have you had?" she asked, curious.

The whole Bel and Phoebe and Anders thing still kind of just made her boggle. No way she could ask about that.

"Well, my ex and I had a cutesy radio nickname too," he said, a little abashed. "Look, I know the whole threesome thing's a little weird, we don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

Charlie gave him an embarrassed look, and said, "I'm pretty obvious, hunh?" She shook her head. "I just-- I don't know what to say about it. Except 'whoa.' I mean, you hear about stuff like that, but you don't think it really happens with anyone you know..."

"Tell me about it," Anders said wryly. "I sure as hell didn't expect it to happen to me. I know it's kind of . . . well, some of my friends weren't really happy about it. And I'm kind of amazed it's working out as well as it is. It's okay if you're kind of weirded out, I totally understand. I'm not offended or anything, promise."

Firearms and You #4 (Thursday period 2)

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