fandomhigh | School Assembly, Friday afternoon, The Auditorium

Entry tags:

!event: assembly

School Assembly, Friday afternoon, The Auditorium

Before the assembly, The Tick used the same mysterious process that chooses students for the detention lottery for another purpose.

He had written a play. Destiny told him that all the world was a stage and he was but a player, meaning that he was playing the part of someone that got people to play parts that he created. It was very meta.

Anyway, the curtains opened to start the assembly. It was time for The Tick's first play: A Time for Bagpipes.

[OOC: Cast, please handwave getting roped into this as a result of the announcements this morning. It may be a good idea to look at the plottery post to see what I told different people just so you can be better prepared.

Again, I'm very sorry about the last minuteness and the general WTFery of this. Feel free to go nuts, though. This is a play by The Tick that you had at best a couple hours to look over. Things need not make sense have fun. And thank you for volunteering and attempting to make this work!

Oh, and people in the later acts, don't feel obliged to wait for people in earlier acts. Jump in whenever.]

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"We sold the cow!" Wilma Lou said. "Have you been hitting the sauce again?" She glared at him. "And don't you remove those clothes near me. There'll be no child number 17."

"We sold the cow?" John frowned. "When did we sell the cow? You sold the cow without my permission! You're grounded!"

"You can't ground me! I'm your wife!"

"I'm the man," John said and thumped his oh so manly chest. "I do what I want. When was the cow sold? Why was I not told?"

"The children needed clothes! You told me to stop bothering you and figure it out. Sheesh."

"That cow was my best friend!" John cried. "You told my best friend!"

"You told me I was your best friend!"

Katara was doing the impression of a nagging wife disturbingly well.

John made a face. "You're my second best friend," he said. "Behind the cow."

And the tractor but John wasn't saying that.

"What? Are you calling me a cow now?" Katara asked. She looked around for a shovel and held it above her head for a second before swinging it towards John.

"I need that shovel," Dawn stumbled over, ignoring both her parents, "How will I invoke the spirits I need to fix the bagpipes if I don't have a shovel?"

John was very glad for the interruption of his 12th oldest daughter as he managed to roll off the tractor and out of the way of his insane wife.

"Tell your mother to get my cow back, daughter!"

Katara kept going after John with the shovel. "I had to sell the cow so we could eat! Tell him, daughter! Your father is so bad at farming; he thinks the cow is his best friend!"

"Won't the pig be upset?" Dawn asked, "And the chickens and iguanas and ferrets?"

She'd never been on a farm before.

"Why do I have to decide what's best for you? Maybe if you made my fourteen lazy brothers and sisters get a job you wouldn't have this problem!"

"Daughter, go get your mothers pills," John said, running away from the shovel and his angry wife. "If you have to, get the tranquilizer gun!"

"Don't you dare move, Daughter!" Katara replied, trying to corner her husband. "We're going to finish this right now before your father starts trying to talk to the pigcow."

"I just need the shovel," Dawn reached for it, "and then you can beat him up all you want. And he better not talk to the, er, pigcow--the last one committed suicide by pitchfork."

"Give her the shovel, dearest wife," John said, hiding behind the tractor, "and I shall give you another child!"

"I don't want another child, you old coot! We can't feed the 16 we already have!"

She spun to face Dawn. "Are you getting paid for fixing the bagpipes?"

Dawn looked a little nervous and took a step back, "Of course I am, Mama!"

She wasn't, but Katara was a scary little waterbender.

"GOOD. We can use your money to buy back the cow so your father will stop whining and threatening to give you another sibling."

She spun to the cowering farmer. "Is that acceptable, o husband?" Funny how she sounded more threatening than asking.

John picked up on the threatening and, instead of answer, threw a clump of mud at his wife.

Katara ran towards him, wielding the shovel dangerously.

Dawn ran to tackle Katara before she got to John. She needed the shovel.

John really wished he had a camera right about to catch his wife and daughter about to rumble in the muddy fields. At least, he hoped it was all mud.

In case Dawn slipped and his wife broke free, John took off around the tractor saying, "That's no way for a wife to treat her husband! Love, honor, respect and no murder! That was in our vows!"

Not expecting an attack from her TOTALLY TRAITOROUS DAUGHTER, Katara was tackled by Dawn and landed with a loud OOF on the muddy fields. The shovel went flying out of her hands to clang off the tractor.

"DAUGHTER!" She shrieked. "I carried you for nine long months and this is how you treat me?"

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