fandomhigh | School Assembly, Friday afternoon, The Auditorium

Entry tags:

!event: assembly

School Assembly, Friday afternoon, The Auditorium

Before the assembly, The Tick used the same mysterious process that chooses students for the detention lottery for another purpose.

He had written a play. Destiny told him that all the world was a stage and he was but a player, meaning that he was playing the part of someone that got people to play parts that he created. It was very meta.

Anyway, the curtains opened to start the assembly. It was time for The Tick's first play: A Time for Bagpipes.

[OOC: Cast, please handwave getting roped into this as a result of the announcements this morning. It may be a good idea to look at the plottery post to see what I told different people just so you can be better prepared.

Again, I'm very sorry about the last minuteness and the general WTFery of this. Feel free to go nuts, though. This is a play by The Tick that you had at best a couple hours to look over. Things need not make sense have fun. And thank you for volunteering and attempting to make this work!

Oh, and people in the later acts, don't feel obliged to wait for people in earlier acts. Jump in whenever.]

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"I just need the shovel," Dawn reached for it, "and then you can beat him up all you want. And he better not talk to the, er, pigcow--the last one committed suicide by pitchfork."

"Give her the shovel, dearest wife," John said, hiding behind the tractor, "and I shall give you another child!"

"I don't want another child, you old coot! We can't feed the 16 we already have!"

She spun to face Dawn. "Are you getting paid for fixing the bagpipes?"

Dawn looked a little nervous and took a step back, "Of course I am, Mama!"

She wasn't, but Katara was a scary little waterbender.

"GOOD. We can use your money to buy back the cow so your father will stop whining and threatening to give you another sibling."

She spun to the cowering farmer. "Is that acceptable, o husband?" Funny how she sounded more threatening than asking.

John picked up on the threatening and, instead of answer, threw a clump of mud at his wife.

Katara ran towards him, wielding the shovel dangerously.

Dawn ran to tackle Katara before she got to John. She needed the shovel.

John really wished he had a camera right about to catch his wife and daughter about to rumble in the muddy fields. At least, he hoped it was all mud.

In case Dawn slipped and his wife broke free, John took off around the tractor saying, "That's no way for a wife to treat her husband! Love, honor, respect and no murder! That was in our vows!"

Not expecting an attack from her TOTALLY TRAITOROUS DAUGHTER, Katara was tackled by Dawn and landed with a loud OOF on the muddy fields. The shovel went flying out of her hands to clang off the tractor.

"DAUGHTER!" She shrieked. "I carried you for nine long months and this is how you treat me?"

Feeling NOT AT ALL GUILTY, Dawn got off Katara and ran over to the tractor. Or that was the plan, until she tripped on her pants and landed with a splat in the mud. She rolled over to look up at Katara. "I'm sorry, Mama, but the bagpipes are more important!"

This gave John the opportunity to both laugh at his now muddy wife and daughter and to snag the shovel.

"Now I have the powerrrrrrrrrrr!"

"The bagpipes aren't more important than your own family!" Katara was scolding Dawn as she started to try to pick herself up.

And then John started howling about his power. "Husband," she said still scoldingly. "Put the shovel down before you hurt yourself."

John didn't listen. He rarely listened to his wife. He swung the shovel around wildly until it slipped out of his hands and smacked him in the back of his head which, in turn, sent him stumbling into the tractor, head on the floor of the tractor and feet in the air.

Dawn? Grabbed the shovel. "Oh, hey, da. You okay?" She nudged him with her booted foot.

"Husband!" Katara wailed, throwing herself at him. "Are you okay? Are you alive? Did you die! Don't leave me a widow with 16 children! I love you, Husband!"

It hadn't hurt that much. Well, okay, it had but it was all...the cow's fault. Or something.

He climbed out of the tractor, rubbing his head and said, "Fear not, dearest wife. I am all right. And I doth love you too."

Yes, he really said it like that.

"Oh, thank you, my beloved husband for surely mine heart did drop at the thought that you might be deceased like a dodo," Katara replied, hand to her head.

And yes, she also really said it like that.

Dawn facepalmed. It was anyone's guess whether it was a break in character or not. "No more siblings! You promised!"

"Why dost thou not want another child, dearest daughter?" John asked, one hand to his chest and swooning dramatically. "Surely the bagpipes are not as important as future generations of...Scooterinas!"

"Okay, first? Ew, and that's illegal, I think," Dawn said, then remembered her role and clutched the shovel to her chest proudly, sticking her chin in the air in melodramatic fashion, "There is nothing more important to me than the bagpipes, do you hear me? Nothing!"

Katara thwapped John upside the head. "Are you leaving me for a younger woman, you dirty old man? After everything we've been through?"

She glared at Dawn. "Your family is always more important! After everything we've given up for you and your 15 brothers and sisters? I could have been a SUPERSTAR! I coulda been a contenda!"

John made a sound after getting thwapped and glared at his wife. "You were only a hot dog eating champion, wife. That's not a contenda!"

"I WAS GOING TO MOVE ONTO PIES!"

"That would've gone straight to your hips!" John exclaimed. "Or your backside!"

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