fandomhigh | School Assembly, Friday afternoon, The Auditorium

"Welcome, one and all, to the first school assembly of the new semester! In case you haven't met me yet, I am The Tick! Dean of Students here at Fandom High. That means that where student issues are concerned, I am the parking attendant in the self park garage of your education!"

"Today, we have a special in the garage! It's a special that speaks of a different kind of special you might get in a seedier garage. Today's special is called DANK: Drugs Are Not Kool! Spelling is cool, of course, but sometimes you have to make an exception and spell something with a 'k' to work. Anyway, we will have several speakers this afternoon, guiding your car into a parking space of a clean and healthy life! Please welcome our guests!"

[OOC: Each speaker will have their own thread, plus there will be a Q&A thread at the end of the post for them to ping into. Also, since it seems appropriate this time, there will be a thread for after the assembly to speak to the guests a bit more privately. Please wait to ask the speakers questions until the speakers have pinged in.

There are also a couple of general conversation threads for people who don't want to give their undivided attention. :)

Big thanks to all of the speakers! Speaking of which, speakers should be sure to check their comm invites.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"God, there's an interview, too?" Lucille whined. "What did I do to deserve this?" The courts list a number of things that she did (mostly tax- and drunk driving-related), not the least of which was that she agreed to this appearance as part of her community service.

Willow raised her hand to get Lucille's attention.

Lucille pointed to Willow and called on her. "Yes? The lovely girl with the whorish color hair."

Willow looked around to see who had the bad hair color, then went on to ask her question. "Why does your son hate dancing?"

Lucille smirked in memory. "When he and his siblings were young, his sister wanted to show off her grace and beauty by being a dancer. Unfortunately, she was a chubby thing back then and all of the other children would have made fun of her if she was flopping around like that. I wanted to spare her. But I liked the idea of having a dancer in the family, so I had GOB take classes." Lucille paused a moment to ponder something. "Maybe he'd like dancing more if anyone ever came to his recitals."

"That's awful!" Willow said, feeling sympathetic for GOB and totally missing the part where this meant Lucille hadn't gone to the recitals. "I would've gone. Do you think I should say something to him? Let him know he has support?"

"Have a few drinks first. It'll help you deal with him," Lucille said.

"He says the same thing," Willow replied.

"The little idiot was right about something," Lucille said, stunned. "It's bound to happen once every few years, I suppose."

"I'll see what I can do to reassure him about a dancing lifestyle," Willow said.

Turtle's hand? Definately up.

"Yes? Girl over there?" Lucille said, pointing to Turtle.

"If you were in a competition for an inheritance and you thought your daughter was going to win, would you ship her off to a boarding school to get rid of her?"

Although Turtle was pretty sure she knew the answer.

"Or I'd release documents proving that she wasn't really related to the family. It depends on my mood," Lucille said thoughtfully.

"Well, the competition expands beyond blood lines, so that wouldn't work."

"Well, in that case, boarding school sounds about right. Maybe in Europe," Lucille pondered. "But not in a good country. Maybe Croatia."

Turtle Wexler didn't think it was possible, but this lady made Grace Windsor-Wexler look not half bad. "Uh, interesting. Thank you, ma'am."

Dick raised his hand to get Lucille's attention.

"Yes? Stupid-looking boy, blonde hair," Lucille called, pointing to Dick.

Strangely enough that wasn't the first time Dick's been called that. "Um, ok. I was just wondering how someone so-" he wanted to say 'old' "-uh, feminine managed to escape rehab?"

This sort of information could be useful in Dick's future.

"Flatterer," Lucille said. "There are a few keys to escaping rehab. It helps if you're smarter or at least craftier than the people guarding you. It also helps if you're rich enough to bribe your way out. But what helped me the most was a surprisingly strong shoulder block. That little Mexican boy never saw it coming. I think he's in a wheelchair now." She let out a happy little sigh at the memory.

School Assembly, Friday afternoon, The Auditorium

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