fandomhigh | Powers, Identity, and The World; Embracing the Real You

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powers and identity

Powers, Identity, and The World; Embracing the Real You - Friday, Period One

//Right. So... We don't have much of a discussion prepared for today,// Jono admitted, looking a touch sheepish. //This semester apparently hasn't been much good for that. But we haven't cashed in our 'movie day' get out of jail free card yet, either, so I found an old episode of the Y-People cartoon to show, and then we can discuss it afterward. How you felt about the situation of the young girl, your opinion on the animation, whatever you wish. It's topical, at least.//

He shrugged his shoulders, and then slid a Y-People VHS into an old VCR, because that was just how the 90s rolled, okay?

[Open!]

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Well, he had other mementos. But not many in her hands, in her words. He shrugged a little, not completely certain what to do, now that he knew who had taken it and he had her apology.

//You know not to do it again,// he said, finally. //You might not have been completely yourself, which doesn't excuse what you did, not really, but it does mean I understand. And I understand what it's like to wish so strongly to see some good come out of your life. I've been there, too.//

And that one had--probably--been the last.

She wanted to tell him how afraid she was that even after all her hard work, she wouldn't amount to anything--nothing that really counted, anyway. Afraid that she could ace school and her exams and even breeze through college and yet nothing would change for her. That she'd always be Banzai, running so fast and never catching up, and Kathy, quiet and overlooked, two separate halves and neither where they wanted to be.

But could she really pour out all her fears and worries to someone after wronging them so? Would it help him understand, or just be more selfishness, making him responsible for her emotions?

Kathy wasn't sure.

"I can avoid taking your classes in the future, if you'd like," she mumbled instead. "If you'd rather not--not have me in your classes. I'd understand."

Jono tilted his head a little at that.

//I'd question if maybe you need to learn some of the things I have to teach more than some,// he noted, a touch wryly. //I have no plans to teach again in the immediate future, I'm taking at least a few months off, I think. But I wouldn't be upset to find you in a future classroom of mine, even after this.//

He shrugged. It was true enough.

//You know what kills me about this, Kathy? What really eats at me the most about what you did?//

Kathy just shook her head. "No sir. What?"

.. Ugh, sir. Jono refrained from making a face, though. He shrugged, instead.

//That you have so much bloody potential, Kathy, and you needed to sell your soul for a cursed mirror in order to even begin to believe that.//

"I--"

That wasn't what she expected him to say. She wasn't sure what she expected, really, but it wasn't that. Maybe for him to take her to task for needed two weeks to do the right thing?

But not this. Not for him to be disappointed for her as well as at her.

"I know I have potential, sir." Sorry Jono. The more unsettled she felt in front of authority, the more formal she got. "I've been trying to live up to it my whole life?"

Jono shook his head a little.

//I'm not talking about whatever potential it is that the world around you has defined for you. That potential isn't worth the breath that was used to speak about it,// he said, simply. //I mean actual, real potential. The sort that you define. Those glimpses that you caught of yourself in that fantasy trinket are nothing compared to whatever it is that you could someday make of yourself.//

"I've never--"

He just liked leaving her at a loss for words. That was the only thing Kathy could really figure. He just liked saying things that were full of so much compassion and understanding that, even when delivered as a lecture and meant as one, she was just left staring at him, mouth open, like an idiot.

"You mean if I don't screw it up?" she asked, trying to put this conversation back onto a script that she knew the lines for.

//That's the great thing about the potential that you define,// Jono replied, shrugging his shoulders simply. //So long as you're living and breathing, you get as many chances as you're willing to give yourself. If you screw it up, do it again. Do it better. Anything less than that would be selling yourself short.//

Kathy mulled on that for a minute. Before now, talk of her potential had either been the goad to make her work harder or the lash for when she didn't live up to it.

"That's not how I'm used to thinking about it," she confessed.

//It isn't how a lot of people are used to thinking about it,// Jono replied. //Hell, it took me years to figure it out. 'Potential' was this far away, impossible thing that I could never live up to. It got less terrifying once I started setting realistic goals for myself and pushing myself to be better by my standards, not somebody else's.//

That didn't mean he was always smart about it, but at least he was somewhat more at peace with it.

"I know what I want, I'm just not always sure how to get there," Kathy said, voice quiet. "The mirror...it seemed to promise that I could. That I would. And that it could show me how."

They'd all seen how well that had gone.

//There's the trouble with oracles,// Jono noted. //It's one thing to have a window to your future. But if you do nothing but sit and watch for maybes, you'll miss your chance to embrace any of it.//

There was a pause, and then he gestured for the seat at the desk.

//If you'd like to talk about it, luv, I might have some idea of what it is you're aiming for.//

He'd spent plenty of time in tights. He liked to think he knew that sort of look about a person, by now.

Kathy took a seat, the whole line of her body uncertain. "You wouldn't mind?" she asked. "I mean, I wouldn't blame you if you just wanted me to go now that I've apologized."

//You're not the only one in the room who sold themselves to Gaunt,// Jono replied, shrugging easily as he leaned back against the desk. //I wouldn't mind in the least. It's what I'm here for.//

He was very careful to not say it was his job. While it technically was, that wasn't why he was here every week, after all. He hardly needed to draw a paycheque to get by, after all.

Not even leaving his money criminally under-utilized in a bank account somewhere the way he did. Not even an interest-bearing CD. A bank account. What was this, the 60's?

"Okay," she said, still looking like she wasn't entirely sure whether to believe him, but willing to extend the benefit of the doubt. "Looking back, though, it all seems pretty stupid. Petty. Like when you were little and you were convinced that the one thing you wanted in all the world was that year's huge media-tie-in toy."

//When I was little, the one thing I wanted more than anything was to be a rock star,// Jono offered, a little wryly. //Hannah Montana actually dragged me onto the stage once for a duet.//

A beat.

//Never again.//

Helpful, Jono.

//Still, it was what I wanted to be. Petty though it was. I can look back now and realize how ridiculous it was, but that doesn't change the fact that it was a large part of my identity.//

Edited 2015-04-19 00:41 (UTC)

"Well, the first thing it showed me was my acceptance letter to Stanford," she said, nervously playing with her hair. "Unconditional acceptance, a free ride based solely on merit, not financial need. My parents--I'd never seen them look so proud. And then it shifted to me, talking to some...people...I know. They're all older, more mature, more powerful. But they were listening to me and nodding. They respected me, saw me as an equal and valued person who had thoughts worth contributing."

//Powerful, luv?//

Look Kathy, Jono knew how this game was played. He'd been playing it for a long, long time.

//Peers of yours in your extracurricular hobbies?//

Kathy nodded. "Yeah. In LA there are people who can fly, and spit fire, and heal others of any injuries in seconds, or knock someone unconscious with a look...And I'm fast. And bouncy. And I dress in rainbows. Which, I know that's my choice, but I'm not about to get taken extra-seriously because of it."

//Bah. Heroes are taken seriously based on the good that they do, not the powers they have or the costumes they wear,// Jono replied. //I've had teammates before with powers like prehensile skin, and lord, give me an afternoon and I can take you through the greatest hits of the most ridiculous uniforms the X-Men and New Warriors had me wearing. You'd laugh yourself sick.//

"Maybe if there's a whole team wearing stupid outfits?" Kathy said. "Looking stupid in a group is one thing. But when someone drops in front of you trailing ribbons and rainbows, believe me, no one's first thought is 'I wonder how much good she's done.' I mean, part of that is why I like wearing them? It only helps me when the people I'm up against underestimate me because I--" She soured. "--Look like I'm one unicorn short of a Lisa Frank Trapper Keeper, but it does work against me when I need to make people listen up quick."

Jono just raised an eyebrow.

And then pulled out his phone.

And turned it on.

And flicked through the photos.

And then handed it over to her.

//I maintain that if it works for you, fine. Dress however the hell you like. It's the work you do as a hero that matters in the eyes of the heroes around you, let them judge you by your merits. And if they won't, then they're not worth the time it takes to worry about it.//

Kathy had so many questions. So, so many. Like...why was he blue? And huge? And wearing a kilt? And arm warmers.

"Uhhh...Why--?"

Hopefully that encompassed all of them.

//Lost a bet with a teammate.//

That answered at least two of those questions, anyway.

//They still looked to me as de facto leader when a handful of us were separated from the one who actually was in charge and left for dead, though.//

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