fandomhigh | Doctoring 101 (07/17)

Once again, because Navaan's students were the absolute luckiest, they were meeting in town to catch a portal back to Navaan's world. "I hope you have your bags and your leeches," she announced as soon as they were gathered. "Because today we're going to actually start doctoring! I'm friends with these monks and I take care of them. I even killed a god to keep my little guys safe, so a few ground rules. Rule one: These guys are important to me, so take this very seriously. I want to see everyone's A-games, you got that? Rule two: These are my patients. I'm letting you help them because you're my students, but absolutely no poaching. You can get your own patients on your own time. Rule three: Okay, I forget rule three, but I'm sure it's important and I'll tell you as soon as I remember it. Don't break it anyway, you've been warned."

She glared at the class, making sure that they saw she was very, very serious. "Now, when we get to them, you're each gonna get a monk, you'll diagnose the issue, and then we'll discuss what we think the best treatment is." The portal opened behind her and she gestured her students through. "Oh! Right! I remember Rule Three!"

When the students stepped through the portal, they'd see a brilliant circus under the night sky. Lanterns and torches provided light, there were people teeming everywhere, with barkers crying out games, wares, and sideshows. "The third rule is..." Navaan began as she stepped out from the portal. Then she stopped, staring in fascination at the circus.

"Why didn't anyone tell me this was on?" she asked, before running pell-mell towards the big top. "Let's go, guys! We're going to the circus!"

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Spin the wheel, choose your curseword, and if it comes up, you win! Carry around a plushie swear word all day!

Celia couldn't help being competitive. It was bred into her, and games like this especially appealed to her.

Of course, it helped when you cheated, however unconsciously. Celia pointed to a very interesting, definitely unladylike word that she'd never used (it started with an 'F'!) and lo and behold, that happened to be where the wheel stopped.

So now she was stuck carrying around a soft, squishy 'fuckninny' for the rest of the day. Every time she tried to throw it into a bin or something, she got a dirty look from someone passing by.

"Did you win something?" Eleanor asked, before staring at the actual plush item in question. "... Oh. I see."

"Do you know what a fuckninny even is?" Celia wondered, turning to Eleanor in confusion.

Look, Eleanor was the only person here who she'd say that word out loud for. She had to seize the opportunity.

"I assume it's meant in a derogatory fashion," Eleanor said. "But I can't say I have any familiarity with the term. 'Ninny' implies idiocy, perhaps?"

Studying the linguistics of curse words: things that would not end well.

"But what about the prefix?" Celia asked, studying her plush prize. "Do you think it's meant as simply an ejaculatory swear, or is it meant to be sexual? Is a fuckninny someone who is an idiot...about that sort of thing?"

Because then she was probably a fuckninny herself. Oh well, still giving it to Navaan.

"I think the prefix is just for emphasis," Eleanor mused. "For those times when 'ninny' lacks the sufficient weight on its own, the expletive carries an additional oomph."

It was traditional -- nay, required -- for a good boyfriend to win a plush something for his girl at a carnival. So he stayed, and picked words at random, and spun, until he won a prize. And then he decided he didn't like that one, and spun until he won again.

Which is how he ended up with one "cocksucker", which might be really awkward to give to Eleanor, and one "frell", which he was pretty sure wasn't actually a word. Well, at least it was sort of fun?

"So you won, twice," Eleanor said, spotting Joker later on. "I was going to put money down, but I couldn't decide what to try for."

Half the words, she didn't know. He should help her with that.

"Well, you're lucky that as the big, strong, manly man, it's my duty to win things at a carnival for you. ...No, seriously, it is. It's, like, a tradition or something." He shrugged, and held out both words so she could read them. Or feel how plush and cuddly they were. Seriously, "cocksucker" would make a really nice velvety body pillow or something.

"...And you're probably going to ask me what this one means," he added, waving the "frell", "but don't bother -- I don't have the slightest clue."

"At least 'cocksucker' is self-explanatory," Eleanor said, reaching out to stroke each one in turn. "Are you serious? You won these for me?"

She wasn't familiar with this tradition, but she liked it.

"I can't take both of them," she decided. "You should keep one."

"If my lady so wishes," Joker replied. "Which one would you rather? They're both very... strange, in their own unique way."

Eleanor took her time considering the issue. What? This was an important decision.

"'Cocksucker,'" she decided, at last. "I'd rather not take 'frell' if we don't know what it means. 'Cocksucker' is nicely straightforward. It's only an insult if one objects to the actions in question, after all."

Look, she'd never done that particular thing, but she imagined at some point she would.

"Well, then, if you don't object, that's definitely good to know. You shall have a nice, soft 'cocksucker' to hold and snuggle! Nothing says 'I care about you' like a good 'cocksucker'!" He held it out to her. "Or, if you'd rather, I can hang onto it for you, for right now, so you don't have to lug it around all day. That's also part of the tradition."

"The things I'm learning about language today," Eleanor said brightly. "Won't it be difficult for you, lugging around a 'cocksucker' and a 'frell'? You know, we don't know but what 'frell' means the same as 'cocksucker.' You should have asked when you won it."

"I was just picking words at random, to be honest," Joker told her. "I was kind of there a while. A spin or two earlier, you could have had a 'cuntpuncher', or a 'twatwaffle'. But the guy started looking at me funny, so I just took the word and went." He looked at the words and shrugged. "I've got no problem carrying them for you. They're not too heavy, and that leaves you free to... I dunno. Whatever you feel like doing. No sexing the strange people without me, okay?"

"You thought I was going to begin sexing strange people?" Eleanor asked, one eyebrow arched.

Clearly, she had no idea she was about to join the Blind Chicken Melee.

"It was a joke. I mean, 'cause that seems to be what this whole affair is all about, right? I'm all for following local customs, but there's a line."

Doctoring 101 (07/17)

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