Doctoring 101, Thursday, Per. 01

[doesdoctorstuff.livejournal.com]

Their teacher had met them at beach today, waiting for them to disembark the ferry. "Let's go!" she said, slightly muffled under her heavy cloak and plague doctor gear. "No classroom today, kids! We're going on an adventure! Rule number one of being a doctor: always be ready for adventure!"

You might have thought that the first rule of a doctor was something else, perhaps along the lines of 'do no harm,' but you would be wrong. And that was why Navaan was teaching this course and you weren't.

"So, apparently there're these portal thingies that can take us to lots of places," Navaan chatted as they walked. "Some kind of magic or other. Which is great, because we need to go somewhere else than this island. I totally tried to stock the pond in the park, but all the stupid birds ate my precious babies, so we're off to somewhere we can get them instead!" She paused and looked at her assembled class. "Hmm. Maybe I should have told you to wear ratty clothes. And waders. Maybe some waterproof boots." And then she shrugged, merrily putting it out of her mind. "Oh well. Too late now. Hope no one's wearing anything nice, because here's our portal!"

Their portal delivered them right in the middle of a swamp. The lucky students exited onto the strip of dry land. Any unlucky ones (and Navaan herself) landed directly in the bog, sinking to roughly knee-height in the dark water. It was night there, the sky dark and cloudy, with a lot of dead trees reaching up towards it. The air was hot and thick and mosquitos buzzed loudly. In the distance was a stone building, where the words 'I AM A DOCTOR' were painted on the front. You smart ones might be able to guess whose house that was, though whether she was the owner in the strictest sense of the word was up for question.

"Okay!" Navaan said, peeling off her cloak and facemask. Underneath, she was wearing thick, water-proof pants and rubber boots, and seemed to be completely unfazed by where she was standing. The est of you could start making your way towards land now--though be careful not to knock over any of the fishing poles that were set up. "So, the smarter kids in the class already remember this, but not all of you struck me as that when we talked last week, so I'm gonna say it again. The most important tool in your doctor bag--and you'd all better have your doctor bags, you're studying to be doctors, you need to be responsible--is leeches. Are leeches. Is is 'is' cause 'tool' is singular? Heh, tool. Or is it plural, cause leeches are? Never mind. I'll visit a wordsmith later to find out. Anyway, leeches are super-useful and important, and no doctor should ever be without them!"

Navaan pulled her jar of leeches out of her bag and showed them off to her students, smiling proudly. There were five or six leeches in there and the jar was half-full of pinkish-gray water. On the bottom there were chunks of--something--that the students would probably prefer not to think about too closely. Too bad. This was your lesson today, kids. "Lotsa cool things you can do with leeches," she explained, opening the jar and taking one out. It was about six inches long and glistened wetly on her gloves as it started to slowly move about. "These suckers are great for medicine. They secrete anti-coagulants, which means that wherever you stick 'em'll keep bleeding. The blood keeps pumping which'll help keep fingers and stuff from falling off after you reattach 'em. Their drool is filled with all kinds of useful stuff, including an anesthetic and anti-inflammatory enzymes. They're awesome that way. Also, cause they fill up with blood in about twenty minutes, they make great snacks."

Ha ha. That was a...joke? Maybe?

"So today, you're gonna get to know your new best friend, the leech. We're gonna start with how to catch them, then how to take care of them, and then how to use them. You ready?"

Probably not. That wasn't going to stop her.

Comments

Sign In (07/10)

[doesdoctorstuff.livejournal.com]

Like you're in a swamp and looking at leeches!

Re: Sign In (07/10)

[not-called-icky.livejournal.com]

Ichabod Crane

Re: Sign In (07/10)

[iceolatedqueen.livejournal.com]

Elsa of Arendelle

Listen to the Lecture

[doesdoctorstuff.livejournal.com]

After arriving, you have a few minutes to take in your lovely surroundings and/or climb out of the swamp if you managed to land in the water. Mourning your clothing is optional, but totally valid.

When you've finished complaining about where you ended up, there's always the lecture to listen to and leeches to look at.

Re: Listen to the Lecture

[not-called-icky.livejournal.com]

As this was Ichabod's first time travelling by portal, he was a little shaken by the experience. Things didn't improve by finding himself knee-high in a swamp, his boots filling with water.

He glared at Navaan.

Re: Listen to the Lecture

[iceolatedqueen.livejournal.com]

It wasn't that Elsa couldn't get a new dress. She was Arendelle's crown princess, after all. But she really would have appreciated the opportunity to rescue the old one. She was looking particularly disgruntled today as she slogged out of the swamp, especially as she hiked the bottom of her skirt up to pluck a leech off of her thigh.

Sweet merciful mother of--

It was fortunate that the gloves Barry had outfitted her with were still working. People would have had a fun time extracting themselves from a frozen swamp, otherwise.

Re: Listen to the Lecture

[notacokeperson.livejournal.com]

"Oh my god," Karina could be heard muttering to herself as she climbed up out of the swamp. Which was, really, easier said than done in high heels and a skirt.

And then having to pick leeches off herself? And dump water out of her shoes?

The only tiny, very tiny, consolation was that her skirt hadn't gotten wet.

But Karina was going to glare at Navaan anyway. A lot.

Re: Listen to the Lecture

[tigerundercover]

So on the one hand, Raven didn't really have to worry about the swamp ruining her clothes, since she wasn't actually technically wearing any. On the other, this meant she didn't actually have any protective covering on.

In case anyone was wondering why there were a couple leeches happily sucking away on what looked like a perfectly ordinary drenched and muddy yellow cotton circle skirt.

Re: Listen to the Lecture

[pasunereveuse.livejournal.com]

Normally, Celia would have just conjured herself up some waders and maybe some nice dry trousers and would have been done with it.

But, then, normally she didn't find herself abruptly waist-deep in swamp water.

It was sort of a moot point, by then, wasn't it? She crossed her arms around herself as she pulled herself out of the swamp, a few loose curls now attractively stuck to her face and neck with mud.

Wonderful. Just...wonderful. She'd clean it all later, but that was later. She was still going to be stuck this way most of class today.

Re: Listen to the Lecture

[fly-so-serious.livejournal.com]

Joker landed on what at first glance appeared to be dry ground. By the time he'd thanked his lucky stars and tried to take a step, though, he'd already sunk an inch or two. Well, his feet had. His crutches plunged straight through the deceptively dry grasses and ended up a foot deep in the mud. Not only was he not moving without some help, he was hunched way over and looked pretty silly.

Swamps sucked.

"Hey, anyone see a green muppet running around?" he quipped. "I could use a hand."

Activity 1--The Hunt For Leeches

[doesdoctorstuff.livejournal.com]

"Hunting for leeches is easy," Navaan assured them, wearing a 'trust me, I'm a doctor' smile. "All you need is a jar, a lamp, and a ham. And, I guess, I fishing line. And you may not need a lamp if you're leech-hunting in the daylight. Like I said, I tend to explode, so I don't do that much."

Goddamn sunlight.

"Anyway, it's easy enough for even the slowest of you to handle," she continued, and if her eyes lingered on certain of you, well, it was because she thought you were dumb. "Take a nice raw chunk of meat, the bloodier the better. Seriously, you want it dripping before you get it into the water. Now fasten it to your line, you don't want it going anywhere. Once the meat is secure, drop it in leech-infested water and then come back in a few hours." She lifted her fishing rod out and lo, there were several black, wriggling leeches on the surface. "Then you pluck 'em off, shove them in your prepared jar, and you're good!"

Re: Activity 1--Choose Your Meat and Attach it to Your Pole

[doesdoctorstuff.livejournal.com]

There was a cooler full of meat handily sitting off to the side--lamb and pig haunches. There were also fishing poles piled in front of the cooler with lots of reinforced twine.

No help for it, there are plenty of rods and 'hams' to go round.

Follow the instructions and get your bait into the water.

Re: Activity 1--Jar Preparation

[doesdoctorstuff.livejournal.com]

Next to the cooler is a table with large jars on it. Next to the jars were sharp, pointy tools that looked exactly like awls because that's what they were.

"If you don't take care of your leeches, they'll die," Navaan said. "And then you'll have to get more and meat can be expensive. So make sure you have a jar already so your leeches can live a while. Leeches are super-easy, though. Take a jar and fill it up with water. Not too much, or it'll be too heavy. This water right here will be fine."

She pointed at the swamp where the water could be called, at best, fragrant. Fetid might be an more accurate descriptor, but did she look like a wordararian? No. She looked like a doctor.

"Leeches like to be kept somewhere cool. Definitely not out in the sun, or they'll get all withered and gross, like raisins. Raisins might even be withered leeches, I don't know." It was possible! "Cool and shady, like under your bed or in the fridge if you don't keep your fridge very cold. Then you need to put some holes into the jar lids before screwing them on. The lids help the water keep from evaporating and the holes let air flow in, so the water stays aerated and the leeches can breathe."

She'd sounded almost...logical there.

"Also, it lets you know when you need to shove more meat in there. If the air around the jar starts getting funky, you probably need to change the water and put in fresh meat cause something's gone bad."

You might also want to throw out the old meat, but hey. Navaan wasn't gonna tell you how to live your life.

"While you're waiting for your leeches to take the bait, prepare your jars. Add water, punch holes in the lid, maybe set up a pretty seascape with rocks and plants and stuff. Draw on the jar with markers. Leeches love bright colors, it'll make them feel right at home."

She tossed a bunch of markers on the table and waited for them to get to work.

Activity 2--Caring for Leeches

[doesdoctorstuff.livejournal.com]

Once everyone's jars were prepared and decorated appropriately, Navaan gathered all the students around her again. Removing the giant leech from her hand, she passed it a random student. "This is a leech," she said, in case it wasn't abundantly clear yet. "They're soft and squishy cause they don't have any bones. They're pretty chewy, but not crunchy. They feed off of blood, but a little goes a long way. You pretty much only have to feed them once every week or so. Toss something good and bloody in there and they'll take care of themselves. You can't just add blood to the water. They need something nice and meaty to latch their little teeth onto. After they've gorged themselves, they'll fall off. That usually takes about twenty minutes of straight feeding. You might wanna keep a few a little on the hungry side in case you need them for medical purposes, so if you're smart, you'll pull them out of the jar, let them feed separately, then pull 'em off in about ten minutes and toss 'em back into the jar to digest."

She gave an encouraging smile at whoever was holding the leech. "Now, pass Waldorf (http://web.flycraftangling.com/images/1/img_leeches_01.jpg) around and get a good feel for him. Look at his teeth (http://cairn-int.info/loadimg.php?FILE=E_ASSY/E_ASSY_102/E_ASSY_102_0071/fullE_ASSY_102_0071_img005.jpg). And make sure not to get any salt on him. It burns the poor babies. But, yeah, pass it around and make sure everyone gets a turn!"

She paused, certain there was something else she wanted to say. "Oh yeah! Read this! (http://www.britannica.com/EBchecked/topic/750132/leeching)" She pulled a slightly soggy sheaf of papers out from her doctor bag. These smelled less like swamp-water and more like chemicals. Enjoy! "It's about how to use leeches for healing and stuff. That's important."

[First 2 links contain images of real leeches. Feel free to ignore. Third link is an image-free page about using leeches in medicine.]

Re: Activity 2--Caring for Leeches

[iceolatedqueen.livejournal.com]

Elsa was going to forego the actual leech show-and-tell, since she figured she'd already gotten as up close and personal to one as she cared to for, oh, the rest of her life.

She did take the handout, though, and resolutely set to reading that. If the handout bit her, she might even be tempted to see how much work it would take for an ice princess to master setting everything on fire with her brain.

Re: Activity 2--Caring for Leeches

[pasunereveuse.livejournal.com]

When it was Celia's turn to hold the leech, she did resort to the use of her magic, and just floated it past her to the next person.

Because this was disgusting enough already, thank you, and she wasn't going to risk being bitten by what amounted to a slug, thank you.

Re: Activity 2--Caring for Leeches

[not_every_mage]

Anders handled Waldorf as gently as he could, with the tips of his fingers. He wasn't disgusted, but leech-keeping was not a hobby he planned to take up. He was distinctly grateful his magic would usually keep him from needing leeches as a healer as he passed the creature along.

Re: Activity 2--Caring for Leeches

[voiceoverdue]

Hm. Cecil eyed Waldorf and petted him a bit, but he'd had cuter pets. Then he shrugged and passed it to the next person.

Activity 3--Welcoming Your New Friend

[doesdoctorstuff.livejournal.com]

By the time the other activities were done, it was just about time to harvest the leeches. Navaan had the students go back to their fishing rods, pull up the meat, separate the leeches (http://www.brainstuffshow.com/blog/how-to-remove-a-leech/), and then place them in their decorated jars.

And now you have leeches to bring home with you, yay! Navaan will make sure that no one is 'forgetful' and leaves their leeches behind when the portal arrives, though whatever you do after you're back on the island is up to you.

...She thinks you should keep them. Name them. Love them. Use them. Eat them.

[No images in this one.]

Re: Activity 3--Welcoming Your New Friend

[voiceoverdue]

Oo, Cecil had two! He grinned and put them in the jar as gently as he could. "I'm not sure if I'll keep them. I already have a pet, and Foucault might get jealous. But they are kinda cute."

Talk to the TA

[doesdoctorstuff.livejournal.com]

Who is probably THRILLED to have been voluntold for this!

Re: Talk to the TA

[not_every_mage]

Anders was focused on not letting anything crawl into his boots. Not just leeches: This looked like the kind of swamp where there'd be snakes and spiders, too.

Talk to Navaan

[doesdoctorstuff.livejournal.com]

She really is eating leeches. If you watch her, she's casually dip her hand into the water near her rod, the come up with a wriggling leech which she'll pop into her mouth and chew.

Mmmm. Blood.

Re: Talk to Navaan

[not-called-icky.livejournal.com]

Ichabod, half-soaked in swamp water (he would have to find some new clothes somewhere) approached the teacher after class.

"'Professor' Navaan, can I have a word?"

OOC

[doesdoctorstuff.livejournal.com]

I now know more about leeches than I ever wanted to. THANKS, NAVAAN.