Personal Improvement Through Science: Aperture Laboratories Presents Physical Education (Wed/Per. 2)

[gladigotburned.livejournal.com]

Upon entering the classroom through the circular sliding doors, students would find themselves in a short corridor with a plain white wall at the far end and two much more boring rectangular doors on either side, each one labeled ENRICHMENT CENTER PRE-TEST EQUIPMENT REQUISITION CHAMBER. At least the little figures on each sign matched the kind you might find on any public restroom door if you needed to know which one to use.

Behind each of those doors was a locker room: much fancier and cleaner -- you could even say sterile -- than an ordinary locker room. (You know, like the locker rooms in the school gym, which begged the question of why exactly physical education was meeting here, didn't it? Well, that question was irrelevant to the task at hand: namely changing into . . . not exactly typical gym wear.) Each student would find a locker with their name on a placard that read "The enclosed Vital Testing Apparatus is mandatory. Thank you for helping us help you help us all!" Each locker contained a bright orange jumpsuit and white tank top, as well as a pair of high-tech-looking white boots. Look, kids, just be glad you got actual locker rooms with walls. Most test subjects just got to wake up from suspended animation in a clear glass cubicle. The locker rooms did have one thing in common with Relaxation Vaults, though: if you flushed any of the toilets, they would cheerfully inform you that your business was appreciated.

After ten minutes or so, a chime rang out over the PA system -- yes, in the locker rooms -- and a prerecorded voice, pleasant and apparently male, announced, "Once preparations are complete, please proceed to the testing area entrance."

On cue, but without explanation, a blue oval hole suddenly materialized in the middle of the wall at the far end of the corridor. Through the door-sized hole, another, larger room was clearly visible.

Well then.

"Welcome to the Enrichment Computer-Aided Satellite Learning Center," said a second voice, this one slightly electronic, monotonous, and female, coming from well-concealed speakers once students had entered the main chamber. You did walk through the glowing blue portal, right, kids? Because if you did, you'd realize that you were standing on a platform about twenty feet above the floor, where you could look down and across the room at the blue portal you just stepped through. As a matter of fact, you could see the locker room corridor through it, and any classmates who might have been behind you standing there . . . until they emerged through the orange portal behind you. Mounted high on the wall near the orange portal was a white surveillance camera with a blinking red LED, because that wasn't creepy at all. "As a preliminary exercise, please state your name and class year. This activity will serve to confirm our testing roster."

There was a brief pause. "In addition, any conversation that may occur as a result of this preliminary exercise will be a valuable bonding experience." A chirping sort of beep. "Sarcasm self-test complete."

"I'm kidding about the bonding experience," the voice went on, sounding much less digital now, closer to human, and even conversational -- if condescending. "I really don't care about that. Do that on your own time, somewhere far away from me. Oh. What I said just now wasn't sarcasm, by the way, unlike the last thing. Just clarifying that in case you're incapable of telling the difference. I wasn't kidding about the testing roster, though, so get on with the names, if you have them. After that, we can start."

[OOC: OCD is up. Have at.]

Comments

Sign In [PItS Week 1]

[gladigotburned.livejournal.com]

Like you're being watched.

Re: Sign In [PItS Week 1]

[fewer_explosions]

Liara T'Soni

Locker Rooms: Before Class [PItS Week 1]

[gladigotburned.livejournal.com]

Change into your lovely, lovely gym uniforms, chat, etc. No, there's no cameras in here.

Re: Locker Rooms: Before Class [PItS Week 1]

[godofxbox]

Alex had been expecting something more along the lines of...t-shirts, maybe? And shorts? Possibly in the school colors? But whatever, sure, he would put on the orange jumpsuit. But if anyone tried to give him a test he was out of here.

Re: Locker Rooms: Before Class [PItS Week 1]

[failsatspirit]

Korra eyed her jumpsuit dubiously, the colour reminded her a little of airbender robes, but at least those had been in more than one piece.

Re: Locker Rooms: Before Class [PItS Week 1]

[genesishero]

This was... probably one of the weirder gym uniforms that Evan had ever needed to wear. But he pulled his on without complaining. If it was school rules, who was he to complain about it?

Re: Locker Rooms: Before Class [PItS Week 1]

[robinonadderall]

Ah, the locker room. Stiles' home away from home.

Wait, that made him sound like a pervert. Scratch that.

The uniforms were sort of odd, but Stiles put it on without complaint.

Re: Locker Rooms: Before Class [PItS Week 1]

[ultron_junior]

Well, at least the color was nice. The uniform wasn't anything Victor would pick out for himself, but it wasn't so bad that he balked at putting it on.

Re: Locker Rooms: Before Class [PItS Week 1]

[dollpocalypse]

Yeah, this uniform was pretty weird, but Topher was just glad it wasn't shorts.

He was just going to spend a minute testing out the boots and trying to figure out what the point of them was by walking on his heels for a minute.

Re: Locker Rooms: Before Class [PItS Week 1]

[nomoresportscars]

Jackson's first class of the day had been strange, to the point where he really wasn't all too sure about his sanity. So, it was really almost comforting to be in a locker room. He understood locker rooms.

... If not this new gym outfit. But at least there wasn't a manic pony shoving it at him. He put it on without grumbling.

Re: Locker Rooms: Before Class [PItS Week 1]

[inaskinnyway.livejournal.com]

Susan spent a long moment glaring at the jumpsuit, as if an undiscovered power might somehow transform it into something better, or at least give it a better cut.

Re: Locker Rooms: Before Class [PItS Week 1]

[upmysleeve.livejournal.com]

Hello, locker placard. Hope you like being scribbled on with black Sharpie, because the word Dorothy? No, no, and also no.

Not that there was much room to write in Ace after that, so Ace just took the bubble gum out of her mouth and used it to stick one of the pins off her jacket (http://img1.etsystatic.com/000/0/5372917/il_570xN.176550225.jpg) to the locker, instead.

The outfit, on the other hand? Eh, she'd worn worse.

Re: Locker Rooms: Before Class [PItS Week 1]

[craftyladyparts.livejournal.com]

Just what Jessica needed: yet another uniform! Eh, she didn't really mind not care. She was just curious why it wasn't school colors or something.

Re: Locker Rooms: Before Class [PItS Week 1]

[new-it-girl.livejournal.com]

Hanna grimaced at the uniform. Orange was so not her color. The boots were sort of stylish, though.

In the Corridor [PItS Week 1]

[gladigotburned.livejournal.com]

In case you want to react before the portal opens.

Re: In the Corridor [PItS Week 1]

[godofxbox]

"What's all this about testing?" Alex asked the group at large, plucking at his prisoner jumpsuit thing. "This is the first day, we can't have a test on the first day, can we? Can you even have tests in PE at all?"

Re: In the Corridor [PItS Week 1]

[fewer_explosions]

Liara was squinting rather a lot at the portal. "...could humans have mastered mass relay technology without the relays?"

Oh Goddess.

Re: In the Corridor [PItS Week 1]

[failsatspirit]

Well, this was wonderfully reassuring. Only not.

Re: In the Corridor [PItS Week 1]

[genesishero]

Okay, Evan had no idea what to make of this.

"I guess this is kind of more like a gym class than Professor Logan's 'fighting with fighting' course," he mused, running a hand over his tank top to smooth it out over his chest. "But not much."

He'd been kind of hoping for baseball.

Preliminary Activity: Introductions [PItS Week 1]

[gladigotburned.livejournal.com]

Where you'll be introducing yourself to . . . um . . . where IS your teacher anyway?

Re: Preliminary Activity: Introductions [PItS Week 1]

[fewer_explosions]

"I am Liara T'Soni, and I am a freshman," Liara said.

She wasn't as bothered by the lack of a visible teacher - she'd taken classes with VIs before - but rather the cadence of the VI's speech.

As well as the part where this didn't seem terribly scientific so far. Or at least in her prospective field. "I believe your audio may be glitched...?"

Lecture [PItS Week 1]

[gladigotburned.livejournal.com]

"Standard testing protocol," GLaDOS began once the tedious formalities (you couldn't call them pleasantries) were over with, "requires that I keep interaction with you to a minimum once testing begins. Since we haven't technically started yet, let's review some of the basics. Are you listening? Yes? Ready? Okay."

The next five seconds probably made sense in some language, if you slowed them down to about 10 percent of the current speed. Or if you spoke electronic garble.

"Just kidding. Ha ha," GLaDOS said dryly. "Normally an Aperture testing associate would brief you on this, but none appear to currently exist. Oops. Really, I'm only going to say this once, so any subsequent failure will be entirely your fault. Don't get any ideas about taking any of the testing equipment with you at the end of the session: the Material Emancipation Grill at the door is there to prevent equipment from leaving this facility without authorization. And in case you were thinking about it? Don't bother asking. Those long-fall boots you're wearing will keep you from breaking anything on impact, but they're also worth more than all your internal organs would fetch on the black market. That's not a metaphor, either. It's a scientifically tested figure. I wouldn't try to sneak any unauthorized equipment into the testing area through the Grill, either. Odds of those getting emancipated from your possession are significantly higher than they are for things like teeth and inner ear tubes. Oh, that's happened. Don't worry, though. It's only a semi-rare side effect."

Reassuring.

[OOC: Feel free to react, though GLaDOS won't respond here.]

Re: Lecture [PItS Week 1]

[dollpocalypse]

Topher slowly reached up to double-check that his mouth and ears appeared intact.

Then he grinned. "Cool."

Activity: Coordination Through Ball-Bouncing? [PItS Week 1]

[gladigotburned.livejournal.com]

The blue portal leading out to the entry corridor blinked out. Another blue portal appeared on the wall several feet to the left of it -- oh, look, students, you could see yourselves in that one!

"Please proceed back into the main testing area, and occupy a spot on the Illuminated Circumference Delineator," GLaDOS instructed, as a circle of blinking yellow lights appeared on the floor below the platform. Yes, you could use the orange portal for that, or if you wanted to test out the long-fall boots, there was always jumping off the ledge. Your choice.

Once students had formed a circle on the lighted yellow line she spoke again. "Scientific research has demonstrated that a basic command of motor skills and coordination is a crucial component to success in physical activity. Furthermore, the cooperative exercises you will be performing in this test series rely on anticipation, communication, and reflexes." Way up on the ceiling above the circle a Vital Apparatus Vent (http://half-life.wikia.com/wiki/Aperture_Science_Vital_Apparatus_Vent) opened, and a bright orange basketball stamped with the Aperture Laboratories logo fell out, bouncing toward one of the students. "For the remainder of the session, you will pass this Dynamic Edgeless Safety Cube around the circle at random. Try not to let it escape. Good luck."

Re: Activity: Coordination Through Ball-Bouncing? [PItS Week 1]

[godofxbox]

Okay, this was more along the lines of what Alex had been expecting. He still wasn't sure what was up with all the...not-so-PE-like stuff. Or where their teacher actually was.

Locker Rooms: After Class [PItS Week 1]

[gladigotburned.livejournal.com]

If you want to shower, the showerheads will singsong "dispensing product" at you in turret-voice when you turn the water on.

The Material Emancipation Grill (http://images.wikia.com/half-life/en/images/0/0f/Sp_a2_fizzler_intro0002.jpg) wasn't across the doorway when you came in, but you'll have to pass through it on your way out.

Re: Locker Rooms: After Class [PItS Week 1]

[dollpocalypse]

Okay, talking in a locker room was probably some kind of social no-no, but Topher was impressed enough by that class that he was going to just not care about that rule. Shocking, probably, since his adherence to social customs was legend and all.

"So, uh," he said conversationally, into his locker because he wasn't going to be completely weird, "was that the coolest hour of anyone else's life, or...?"

Talk to GLaDOS [PItS Week 1]

[gladigotburned.livejournal.com]

No, really, do you want to?

Re: Talk to GLaDOS [PItS Week 1]

[exactlyaverage.livejournal.com]

Apparently Jack had a deathwish. Or is has a brain the size of the walnut.

"Hello? Woman computer voice thingy?" Jack called out. "Just curious, but do you know a guy named Fargo? Short. Glasses. Nerd. Kind of Spazzy?"

OOC [PItS Week 1]

[gladigotburned.livejournal.com]

I think I scare myself, you guys. o.O

This is probably excessive OCD, but, you know, places to react if you want to and all.

So no portal guns for everyone this week (in keeping with the "learning" levels at the start of the game), but next week!