http://gladigotburned.livejournal.com/ (![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png)
gladigotburned.livejournal.com) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomhigh2012-08-28 11:13 pm
gladigotburned.livejournal.com) wrote in fandomhigh2012-08-28 11:13 pm
Entry tags:
Personal Improvement Through Science: Aperture Laboratories Presents Physical Education (Wed/Per. 2)
Upon entering the classroom through the circular sliding doors, students would find themselves in a short corridor with a plain white wall at the far end and two much more boring rectangular doors on either side, each one labeled ENRICHMENT CENTER PRE-TEST EQUIPMENT REQUISITION CHAMBER. At least the little figures on each sign matched the kind you might find on any public restroom door if you needed to know which one to use.
Behind each of those doors was a locker room: much fancier and cleaner -- you could even say sterile -- than an ordinary locker room. (You know, like the locker rooms in the school gym, which begged the question of why exactly physical education was meeting here, didn't it? Well, that question was irrelevant to the task at hand: namely changing into . . . not exactly typical gym wear.) Each student would find a locker with their name on a placard that read "The enclosed Vital Testing Apparatus is mandatory. Thank you for helping us help you help us all!" Each locker contained a bright orange jumpsuit and white tank top, as well as a pair of high-tech-looking white boots. Look, kids, just be glad you got actual locker rooms with walls. Most test subjects just got to wake up from suspended animation in a clear glass cubicle. The locker rooms did have one thing in common with Relaxation Vaults, though: if you flushed any of the toilets, they would cheerfully inform you that your business was appreciated.
After ten minutes or so, a chime rang out over the PA system -- yes, in the locker rooms -- and a prerecorded voice, pleasant and apparently male, announced, "Once preparations are complete, please proceed to the testing area entrance."
On cue, but without explanation, a blue oval hole suddenly materialized in the middle of the wall at the far end of the corridor. Through the door-sized hole, another, larger room was clearly visible.
Well then.
"Welcome to the Enrichment Computer-Aided Satellite Learning Center," said a second voice, this one slightly electronic, monotonous, and female, coming from well-concealed speakers once students had entered the main chamber. You did walk through the glowing blue portal, right, kids? Because if you did, you'd realize that you were standing on a platform about twenty feet above the floor, where you could look down and across the room at the blue portal you just stepped through. As a matter of fact, you could see the locker room corridor through it, and any classmates who might have been behind you standing there . . . until they emerged through the orange portal behind you. Mounted high on the wall near the orange portal was a white surveillance camera with a blinking red LED, because that wasn't creepy at all. "As a preliminary exercise, please state your name and class year. This activity will serve to confirm our testing roster."
There was a brief pause. "In addition, any conversation that may occur as a result of this preliminary exercise will be a valuable bonding experience." A chirping sort of beep. "Sarcasm self-test complete."
"I'm kidding about the bonding experience," the voice went on, sounding much less digital now, closer to human, and even conversational -- if condescending. "I really don't care about that. Do that on your own time, somewhere far away from me. Oh. What I said just now wasn't sarcasm, by the way, unlike the last thing. Just clarifying that in case you're incapable of telling the difference. I wasn't kidding about the testing roster, though, so get on with the names, if you have them. After that, we can start."
[OOC: OCD is up. Have at.]
Behind each of those doors was a locker room: much fancier and cleaner -- you could even say sterile -- than an ordinary locker room. (You know, like the locker rooms in the school gym, which begged the question of why exactly physical education was meeting here, didn't it? Well, that question was irrelevant to the task at hand: namely changing into . . . not exactly typical gym wear.) Each student would find a locker with their name on a placard that read "The enclosed Vital Testing Apparatus is mandatory. Thank you for helping us help you help us all!" Each locker contained a bright orange jumpsuit and white tank top, as well as a pair of high-tech-looking white boots. Look, kids, just be glad you got actual locker rooms with walls. Most test subjects just got to wake up from suspended animation in a clear glass cubicle. The locker rooms did have one thing in common with Relaxation Vaults, though: if you flushed any of the toilets, they would cheerfully inform you that your business was appreciated.
After ten minutes or so, a chime rang out over the PA system -- yes, in the locker rooms -- and a prerecorded voice, pleasant and apparently male, announced, "Once preparations are complete, please proceed to the testing area entrance."
On cue, but without explanation, a blue oval hole suddenly materialized in the middle of the wall at the far end of the corridor. Through the door-sized hole, another, larger room was clearly visible.
Well then.
"Welcome to the Enrichment Computer-Aided Satellite Learning Center," said a second voice, this one slightly electronic, monotonous, and female, coming from well-concealed speakers once students had entered the main chamber. You did walk through the glowing blue portal, right, kids? Because if you did, you'd realize that you were standing on a platform about twenty feet above the floor, where you could look down and across the room at the blue portal you just stepped through. As a matter of fact, you could see the locker room corridor through it, and any classmates who might have been behind you standing there . . . until they emerged through the orange portal behind you. Mounted high on the wall near the orange portal was a white surveillance camera with a blinking red LED, because that wasn't creepy at all. "As a preliminary exercise, please state your name and class year. This activity will serve to confirm our testing roster."
There was a brief pause. "In addition, any conversation that may occur as a result of this preliminary exercise will be a valuable bonding experience." A chirping sort of beep. "Sarcasm self-test complete."
"I'm kidding about the bonding experience," the voice went on, sounding much less digital now, closer to human, and even conversational -- if condescending. "I really don't care about that. Do that on your own time, somewhere far away from me. Oh. What I said just now wasn't sarcasm, by the way, unlike the last thing. Just clarifying that in case you're incapable of telling the difference. I wasn't kidding about the testing roster, though, so get on with the names, if you have them. After that, we can start."
[OOC: OCD is up. Have at.]
Re: Talk to GLaDOS [PItS Week 1]
Still not answering the question, GLaDOS. Oh, wait, you knew that, didn't you"?
Re: Talk to GLaDOS [PItS Week 1]
Again because Jack has no filter when it comes to saying what's on his mind.
"Say! Since, you know you don't have any... hands, where can I have you sign the drop form for the class?"
Re: Talk to GLaDOS [PItS Week 1]
. . . there wasn't really an Emergency Intelligence Incinerator in the AI chamber. Last time she'd had one of those, she'd gotten killed, an error she didn't care to reproduce.
"And of course I'm more creepy than SARAH," she went on, matter-of-factly, because that was just true, okay? "Good thing there's no law that disqualifies compliments if they're stating the obvious."
Re: Talk to GLaDOS [PItS Week 1]
"Yeeeeah. I'm just going to-"
And with a wordless flail Jack started heading toward the locker room. Backwards. Not that walking backwards would necessarily help him against a disembodied computer voice but it made him feel better, okay?