fandomhigh | Library is Open, Wednesday 2/1

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Library is Open, Wednesday 2/1

Zero opens the Library and heads back into the stacks, returning a few minutes later with that which she sought: The Amethyst Flower, the sequel to The Jade Flower. Today, there will be silly romance novels, and it will be good.

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"I think it's even worse, it's beautiful. It's about their daughter. They've been kidnapped, oh noes!"

"What, and a pirate and a ninja can't get free from their kidnappers? What happened, did they retire and take up racquetball?"

"They haven't shown up yet, so I'm not sure what's going on. Frykin's still the terror of the Gulf of Mexico and Amethyst was musing on her mother training her as a ninja from an early age while she dressed for the ball-type thing, so you'd think they'd have it under control."

"Ball-type thing?" Parker grinned. "Let me guess, she's wearing hoop skirts. In the 1600's. And where is this ball-type thing taking place? Why isn't she out looking for them in the Caribbean?"

"1706, actually, which is funny because I thought the last book was set in the 1650s, and she's only nineteen now. No hoop skirts, but many, many petticoats. I don't think the city she's in actually exists, but it's supposed to be in Florida. This is so terrible, everyone should be speaking Spanish...why couldn't the author have just made him half-Seminole, it makes far more sense..." Zero realizes she's digressing, and explains, "Frykin was the terror of the Gulf of Mexico. So maybe he really was in Florida when he went missing."

"Okay. But you're right, the Spanish thing-- what, is she going to hook up with Zorro? Or this book's version of him? That's just silly." Parker shook her head. "I could just hang on for the smut in these things if the rest of it weren't so ludicrous. And, well, if the smut weren't quite so purple and high-flown."

"I'm hanging on because it's hilarious. And Ammy seems far too sensible--I think the author might be intentionally writing badly. It's like a send-up."

"Damn, now I want to read it. And I already skimmed that last stupid one, with her parents having sex in a hammock." Parker looked speculative. "I've never tried that, but I'll bet it's still not possible the way they were doing it."

"Pirates are probably used to hammocks, and then there's ninja balance, but...no. Still no."

Parker made a face. "Right now I've got bad Miho and Radio Pirate images in my head. Make them go away!"

Zero removes The Jade Flower from her bookbag and holds it out toward Parker. "Will this help? Or are you going to see them in the starring roles now...oh, God, now I am."

Parker glared at the book, then suddenly grinned. "Wait, I forgot, she gets pregnant by the end. Now I'm imagining Miho bloated and tiny and pissed-off. That works. Now I can imagine Ziyi Zhang and Russel Crowe."

"Oh, that's a scary image...but Ziyi Zhang and Russell Crowe is much nicer."

"Much." Parker chortled again as she opened up the book. "We can always ask Jaye, later, if Archie knows about the hammock-sex...."

Zero snickered. "It'll be fun."

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Library is Open, Wednesday 2/1

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