Childcare For Idiots, Thursday - 5/19

[mouthy-merc.livejournal.com]

"Now first we're gonna clear up a few things," Deadpool informed the class when they arrived. "Today is Thursday, not Saturday. As yesterday was Wednesday, not Friday. And if anyone uses autotune in my presence, I will have to murder you. Got it? Good!"

Ah, the start of a new day with Deadpool.

"Today we're gonna discuss how you need to supervise a kid at all times because sharp things always seem way nicer to run with and or put in your mouth when you're a three year old," he informed the class cheerfully. "Little known fact: grenades and a Dora the Explorer DVD gone missing equal the same amount of destructive force in a house. The more you know and all that crap."

Unfortunately, Jan wasn't listening to a damn thing concerning the lecture. She was, however, singing. Loudly. "Fri~day, Fri~day!"

Because it was an awesome song when you still thought My Little Pony was an amazing cinematic achievement. Without being stoned.

Deadpool ignored the singing, steaming on through that lecture. "Break off into groups of two and figure out what you have just laying around that's bad for kids. YouTube counts."

Comments

Partner Off

[mouthy-merc.livejournal.com]

Swords? Straight up bad for kids. Unless they're foam.

Re: Partner Off

[exactlyaverage.livejournal.com]

Jack frowned a little as he started to make a mental list of things he had that would be bad for kids.

Honestly? He had left that kind of thing up to Abby when Zoe had been born.

This might explain why he's in this class now.

Re: Partner Off

[hurtingzeebo]

Maybe if Sam partnered up with Jack, he'd do all the work. He seemed like the sort to her.

"This is dumb," she declared. "I had loads of sharp things when I was a little kid."

This was because Sam's mother was Jane Lynch a little bit special. Which explained a lot, really.

Re: Partner Off

[exactlyaverage.livejournal.com]

"This explains so much about you," Jack said, echoing the narrative above. Hey! It needed to be said! "Maybe we should add you to the list."

Re: Partner Off

[hurtingzeebo]

"Nah," Sam decided. "I'm usually only a danger to myself." A pause. "And Freddie."

Re: Partner Off

[exactlyaverage.livejournal.com]

"Maybe we should just get a list of things your mom let you play with when you were a kid and turn that in," he joked.

Re: Partner Off

[hurtingzeebo]

Sam actually didn't hate that idea. "Do you think that'd work?"

Re: Partner Off

[rilla-myrilla.livejournal.com]

Rilla began writing down a list of things of hers she wouldn't want children to touch, which wasn't exactly the same thing.

Re: Partner Off

[knight-fatali.livejournal.com]

Seifer decided to pair up with the chick closest to him. "I'm thinking... everything I own."

Re: Partner Off

[rilla-myrilla.livejournal.com]

Oh my goodness, he was cute.

Rilla tried not to stammer, lisp or otherwise humiliate herself when she opened her mouth to reply.

"Yeth!"

Well, so much for that.

Blushing hard, she added, "Especially pointy objectths."

Re: Partner Off

[knight-fatali.livejournal.com]

She was cute when she blushed, so Seifer decided teasing was out.

"Which means my sword would have to be locked up. And find a way to keep them from poking things in electrical sockets."

Because there had been the one time at the orphanage, with Zell... that was hilarious.

Re: Partner Off

[rilla-myrilla.livejournal.com]

"We fix that by not having electricity," Rilla said with a little smile.

Re: Partner Off

[answer2bheard.livejournal.com]

Oh, man. Jim was going to have an interesting time with this assignment, considering just how different things were here, compared to the stuff that he'd grown up around.

He supposed that anything with a "caution" sign on it was probably a good starting point, and was going to stick with that as he looked around for a partner.

Re: Partner Off

[glacial_queen]

"Anything with sugar in it," Karla said with full authority. "Believe me, last time I had seven and they didn't need any help in becoming tiny shrieking whirlwinds of destruction."

Possibly because they were all related to her, but details.

Hi, Jim! Guess what! You had a partner!

Re: Partner Off

[answer2bheard.livejournal.com]

Oh, hey! A partner! Jim would smile at her, but first he had to take a moment to look thoroughly baffled.

"... Last time?"

She ended up with small children frequently? What did she do with them? Eat them?

Somebody really needed a thorough explanation as to the island and its whims, perhaps.

Re: Partner Off

[glacial_queen]

Awww, a newbie! Karla kind of wanted to lean over and pinch his shiny new cheeks.

"Last time," she agreed. "I take it your Elder Sib didn't explain about the advent of little kids yet?"

Re: Partner Off

[answer2bheard.livejournal.com]

Jim's shoulders hitched up a little, in response to that.

"Um, George was kind of..."

How to describe George?

"She explained what planes are. And television. And mentioned something about waking up the wrong gender? But mostly... No?"

George had been George. How else could he put it, really?

Re: Partner Off

[glacial_queen]

Fortunately, Karla knew George, at least a little. She could guess.

"Oh, you didn't know what teevees were, either?" Karla grinned at him. "My world is very different from this one. I'm Karla, by the way. Kiss kiss."

Okay. Maybe her grin turned just a sliiiightest bit wicked as she waited to see how he'd respond to her greeting. Maybe.

Re: Partner Off

[annieadderall.livejournal.com]

Annie looked around for a partner. And if she was frowning, it was because she'd been earwormed. Badly. Badly badly.

Re: Partner Off

[iwishiwasbig.livejournal.com]

As the rest of the class started partnering up, Dave rushed to the first person he saw who didn't have one yet. He wasn't going to be left without a partner. That usually meant teaming up with the teacher and no way in hell was Dave doing that.

"Still need a partner?" Dave asked as he hurried over to Annie.

Re: Partner Off

[annieadderall.livejournal.com]

"I do," she said, still frowning. "That song is the worst thing to happen to anything."

It had to be said.

Re: Partner Off

[iwishiwasbig.livejournal.com]

"Oh, it can be worse," Dave said. "Did you hear him singing it yesterday?"

Re: Partner Off

[annieadderall.livejournal.com]

"No," Annie said, and please forgive her for looking a little wary as she slid a glance toward Deadpool. "Did you?"

Re: Partner Off

[iwishiwasbig.livejournal.com]

"Yeah. It was... weird?" Dave said. "So I understand why he made it clear that he knew what day it was today."

Re: Partner Off

[shes-got-legs.livejournal.com]

After considering her collection and all the junk treasure in her room, Ariel really only had one thing on her list, which was a big fat NOTHING :(

She sighed and looked around for a partner, anyway.