fandomhigh | Childcare For Idiots, Thursday

"Now first we're gonna clear up a few things," Deadpool informed the class when they arrived. "Today is Thursday, not Saturday. As yesterday was Wednesday, not Friday. And if anyone uses autotune in my presence, I will have to murder you. Got it? Good!"

Ah, the start of a new day with Deadpool.

"Today we're gonna discuss how you need to supervise a kid at all times because sharp things always seem way nicer to run with and or put in your mouth when you're a three year old," he informed the class cheerfully. "Little known fact: grenades and a Dora the Explorer DVD gone missing equal the same amount of destructive force in a house. The more you know and all that crap."

Unfortunately, Jan wasn't listening to a damn thing concerning the lecture. She was, however, singing. Loudly. "Fri~day, Fri~day!"

Because it was an awesome song when you still thought My Little Pony was an amazing cinematic achievement. Without being stoned.

Deadpool ignored the singing, steaming on through that lecture. "Break off into groups of two and figure out what you have just laying around that's bad for kids. YouTube counts."

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"Oh, it can be worse," Dave said. "Did you hear him singing it yesterday?"

"No," Annie said, and please forgive her for looking a little wary as she slid a glance toward Deadpool. "Did you?"

"Yeah. It was... weird?" Dave said. "So I understand why he made it clear that he knew what day it was today."

She paused. "What do you think he'll do when it really is Friday now?"

"I don't know, but I'll be staying in my room, hopefully far away from it," Dave said.

"Good idea," she agreed. "So, okay, let's add Friday onto the list of things that are bad for kids." Because really.

"Sure. Just because Jan seems happy with the song doesn't mean it's good for her. Like too much candy," Dave said. "Oh. There's another one."

"Good one," Annie said. "Also, pretty much any toys above the age range on the box. You don't want a one-year-old getting a hand of a puzzle or anything."

"Yeah, the best case with that is they poke themselves hard with a corner. It just gets uglier from there," Dave said.

He may have had some light puzzle trauma from his youth.

"Also, scissors, knives, anything sharp, really."

Childcare For Idiots, Thursday - 5/19

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