fandomhigh | Childcare For Idiots, Thursday

"Now first we're gonna clear up a few things," Deadpool informed the class when they arrived. "Today is Thursday, not Saturday. As yesterday was Wednesday, not Friday. And if anyone uses autotune in my presence, I will have to murder you. Got it? Good!"

Ah, the start of a new day with Deadpool.

"Today we're gonna discuss how you need to supervise a kid at all times because sharp things always seem way nicer to run with and or put in your mouth when you're a three year old," he informed the class cheerfully. "Little known fact: grenades and a Dora the Explorer DVD gone missing equal the same amount of destructive force in a house. The more you know and all that crap."

Unfortunately, Jan wasn't listening to a damn thing concerning the lecture. She was, however, singing. Loudly. "Fri~day, Fri~day!"

Because it was an awesome song when you still thought My Little Pony was an amazing cinematic achievement. Without being stoned.

Deadpool ignored the singing, steaming on through that lecture. "Break off into groups of two and figure out what you have just laying around that's bad for kids. YouTube counts."

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Sam actually didn't hate that idea. "Do you think that'd work?"

"I saw the teacher dancing around and singing in the park last night," jack said with a smirk. "Throw in the fact that he's wearing pajamas? I don't think he's quite all there. Should be easy."

Listing off stuff she'd played with when she was a kid was way easier than trying to think of dangerous stuff for other people's kids.

"Okay, so there was the tool box. My favorite was the bolt cutters or the jigsaw, but you can have a lot of fun with a ballpeen hammer. . . ."

This might get disturbing, eventually.

Jack gave Sam a wary look. "I think I'm going to need another notebook."

"Why, is that too many letters for you?"

Jack gave a fake little laugh. "That's funny because you're saying I'm dumb."

Cue another fake laugh.

"No, you see I need more paper because I think you're going to give me a long list."

Ooo. There's a lot of sarcasm dripping from that last statement. Someone call Fosse. We might need a mop.

Sam shrugged, unphased by the sarcasm. "Then I'm glad I'm not the one trying to write it down."

"Riiight," Jack said starting to write VERY slowly. "How do you spell hammer?"

"What, now I have to do everything for you? Jeez." Sam huffed. She really wasn't very good at this whole "school work" thing.

"Fine," Jack said writing down everything at normal speed. "What else do you have? Food past the expiration date?"

"Ew, no." Usually because they ate it too quickly. "Mom got a decent set of stake knives from one of her boyfriends, though."

"Doesn't that fall under the category of pointy things?" Jack asked.

"Actually, the tips were rounded. You don't need to stab a steak." Though that could be fun.

"Okay, Fine," Jack said writing that down. "What about power tools?"

"Yeah, but Mom didn't always pay the electricity bill, so that was kinda hit or miss."

"Yeah, how are you still alive?"

"Hey, we Pucketts learn our survival skills early. It helps that I didn't have an older brother who set everything he touched on fire."

"Right," Jack said adding 'matches' to the list. "So did his arsenal include lighter fluid as well?"

"Sculpting," Sam corrected.

"Sculpting?"

He tried to wrap his brain around that.

Nope. Didn't work.

"Sculpting?"

"Yeah, we're not sure how that works, either. But we can usually put it out before it does any real damage."

"Should I write down clay then or should we just classify that as a freak occurrence thing?"

"Write down 'Spencer Shay'. That should cover it pretty well."

"Riiiiiight," Jack drawled as he wrote down the name. "Anything else we shoudl add?"

"Beauty pageants," Sam decided. "Those things can be vicious."

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exactlyaverage.livejournal.com - 2011-05-20 04:20 (UTC) - Expand

hurtingzeebo - 2011-05-20 04:23 (UTC) - Expand

Childcare For Idiots, Thursday - 5/19

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