fandomhigh | Classrooms Around Campus, All Day Saturday

Classrooms Around Campus, All Day Saturday

It was Saturday, and that meant Career Day! Unbeknownst to all the students who had taken the career placement test, Fandom had apparently conspired to place them all in workshops that didn't quite fit the answers they gave for their tests. The island was tricky that way. Not to mention that the workshops that the island had planned were somewhat different from the workshops an ordinary school might offer on Career Day. As in quite a lot different.

So the classrooms all around the school were filled with visitors from off-island and island alike, all of whom had been led to believe that they would be teaching eager-minded groups of students, excited to learn about their prospective careers. This assumption was not necessarily accurate.

[[up early early early for timezones! ~~wait for the OCD or puppies will die.~~ the puppies are safe now.]]

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And Dr. Girlfriend!

The woman standing in front of the classroom bore a striking resemblance to the late Jackie Onassis, with her pink pillbox hat and matching suit. And when she opened her mouth to speak, she sounded like a chain-smoking construction worker named Vinnie.

That was just her voice. The students should go with it.

"Alright, so, welcome to your workshop," she rumbled. "I'm Dr. Girlfriend," because she hadn't picked a new name yet, and didn't feel like being Queen Etherea again, no matter what Phantom Limb said, "but you can call me Sheila. I'm here on behalf of the Guild of Calamitous Intent. Some of you might be thinking, hey, why can't I just be a supervillain on my own? I don't need a Guild. It's understandable. I'm here to tell you why you're wrong."

It hadn't occurred to Sheila that some of the students might be in the wrong classroom, or weren't interested in careers in supervillainy. If they wanted to talk to the Guild, that was evidence enough for her.

"Costumed menacing is much harder than it looks from the outside. You've chosen a target for your hatred. Great! So what if he'd rather fire-bomb your secret base than play cat-and-mouse with you? What if you have a legitimate medical emergency, and he throws grenades into the hospital? What if he sends an army to kill the extended members of your family, just to retaliate for that harmless little poison you slipped into his water supply? And worst of all, what if someone else has already called dibbs on your arch-nemesis?"

Sheila flipped a hand. "That's where the Guild can help. Arching has rules. Of course you're allowed to try to kill each other, but that's no reason not to be civilized about it. You file the right paperwork and the arch in question is all yours. You observe treaties and exemptions, and you know that your arch will do the same. Because if they don't, the full weight of the Guild is gonna rain down on them like some kinda apocalyptic movie with bad special effects."

"The Guild is there to help. If you can't figure out a theme, there are assistants who'll show you some lovely alternatives." Most of which were a touch skanky, in her opinion, but that was besides the point. "If you're having trouble with your Number Two, maybe you can request a new one. The Guild may be a haven of villainy, where backstabbing and murderous coups are all in a day's work, but there's strength in numbers, and there's no reason we all can't get along."

Sheila smiled at the young minds before her. "Plus there's full health and partial dental, and some lovely life insurance packages for your henchmen. Any questions?"

It was Dr. Girlfriend!!! She was evil! EEEEEEEEVIL!

Hank raised a hand angrily. "Yeah, I've got a question. Why are you HERE, you... you... crum-bum!"

Sheila was now staring at the blond kid. "Hank?" she said. "Hank Venture? What are you doing here?"

One of the Venture kids wanted to join the Guild? That'd be a sweet coup. But she doubted it was on the up-and-up.

"Let me guess. You wanted to piss off your dad?"

"Pfffffft. No. He sent me here." She'd managed to hit on the one topic that could derail his train of thought. ...Okay, not the one topic -- it was one of a great many -- but his thoughts were definitely derailed.

"He said I was holding Dean back."

Nice parenting, Rusty.

Sheila adopted her very best sympathetic frown. "Your father doesn't appreciate you," she said. "Or any of your .... talents."

She wasn't sure the kid had talents, except for the fact that he seemed pretty hard to kill and might be terminally stupid. But that wasn't going to get him on their side, now was it?

"Pop doesn't appreciate that I have talents," Hank pouted. "I mean, I do, probably, you know?"

Re: The Guild of Calamitous Intent: Hate You Can Trust

dr-manly-voice.livejournal.com - 2011-03-05 20:35 (UTC) - Expand

Re: The Guild of Calamitous Intent: Hate You Can Trust

i-am-the-rat.livejournal.com - 2011-03-05 21:13 (UTC) - Expand

Re: The Guild of Calamitous Intent: Hate You Can Trust

dr-manly-voice.livejournal.com - 2011-03-05 21:20 (UTC) - Expand

Re: The Guild of Calamitous Intent: Hate You Can Trust

i-am-the-rat.livejournal.com - 2011-03-05 21:34 (UTC) - Expand

Re: The Guild of Calamitous Intent: Hate You Can Trust

dr-manly-voice.livejournal.com - 2011-03-05 22:32 (UTC) - Expand

Re: The Guild of Calamitous Intent: Hate You Can Trust

i-am-the-rat.livejournal.com - 2011-03-05 22:34 (UTC) - Expand

As soon as Sheila opened her mouth to speak, Jeremy was just staring. That, that was a highly unlikely voice, wasn't it?

Then, once he got over that (though not entirely) and actually listened to what the grumbly voice was saying about super villains and stuff, he... just stared some more. What the hell was up with this workshop, and how had he ended up in it?

So yes. Staring. Maybe gaping a bit as well.

Sheila was used to staring, although not based on the supervillainy part of her speech. Supervillains just kind of were.

She sighed, and facepalmed.

"Yes, my voice is very deep," she said, in the kind of tone that said she got that question a lot.

Jeremy looked startled to be addressed. "Uh, no, no it's not that," he said, quickly, because Letitia Darling had managed to instill him with some sense of decorum over the years. "I, um, don't think I'm supposed to be taking this workshop?"

Except for how his name was probably on every single list associated with it. But that wasn't his fault!

"What's your name, sweetie?" she asked, pulling up the attendance sheet. "Maybe you got the wrong room number."

"It's Jeremy," he replied. "Jeremy Darling?"

It was further proof of how out of his element he felt that that didn't come out accompanied by the sense of easy pride that usually tended to go with his family name.

Re: The Guild of Calamitous Intent: Hate You Can Trust

dr-manly-voice.livejournal.com - 2011-03-05 20:49 (UTC) - Expand

Re: The Guild of Calamitous Intent: Hate You Can Trust

stars_and_money - 2011-03-05 21:20 (UTC) - Expand

Re: The Guild of Calamitous Intent: Hate You Can Trust

dr-manly-voice.livejournal.com - 2011-03-05 22:36 (UTC) - Expand

Re: The Guild of Calamitous Intent: Hate You Can Trust

stars_and_money - 2011-03-05 22:47 (UTC) - Expand

It was fortunate that Warren hadn't grabbed a bottle of Coke or something before coming, because he probably would have wound up wearing it the moment Sheila there said something.

That didn't stop him from kind of staring for a few moments. And then reminding himself that he was the guy sitting there with wings, and who was he to judge? Right, then. Maybe it was time for another tactic.

"Have you ever... met a couple of guys in butterfly suits?"

The Guild sounded a little familiar, was the thing. Small world?

Warren probably did not expect the epic facepalming.

"You have to be kidding me," Sheila huffed. "He followed me here?"

Ex-boyfriends were not supposed to be this difficult to get rid of.

Well, that explained that.

"...No," Warren ventured, chewing on his lip. "Those two were actually here a couple of semesters ago, teaching Arching 101 through the school."

There was a pause, and then a crooked little smile. "You know their boss?"

"You could say that," she said. "I was his lady friend. He's too immature to handle a real relationship, so he's out of the picture. He's also having a hard time accepting that it's over."

Warren's expression went more than a little sympathetic.

"Oh, wow. One of those, huh?" Not that Warren had a huge amount of experience with that sort of person, but he had gotten a healthy dosage of soap operas while growing up. "I'm sorry I brought him up, then."

Re: The Guild of Calamitous Intent: Hate You Can Trust

dr-manly-voice.livejournal.com - 2011-03-05 21:22 (UTC) - Expand

While Sheila's voice was surprising, her words were even more so. This wasn't the kind of workshop Anduin thought he'd end up being in at all. The thought of villains associating with one another for the benefit of all was a little terrifying, and all he could do for the moment was gape.

"Yes, I'm a woman, and yes, this is my voice," Sheila said. She happened to say that a lot. Anduin could imagine why. "Or are you not here for the supervillainy chat, either?"

"I...do not usually associate with supervillains," Anduin admitted. "Although I do see the merits of working together towards a common goal. I would be worried about a lack of morals in my guildmates though."

"That lack of morals encourages you to be more careful," she explained. "You trust, but you never turn your back. It keeps you on your toes."

What.

Seriously?!

The school had pulled out some doozies a few times, but this was... organized crime. In the sense of treating it like a pyramid scheme.

"What are the options when the FBI arrests you for your crimes?" HMMMM?

Dr. Girlfriend did not appear fazed.

"I believe that's where I use my one phone call to contact the Office of Secret Intelligence," she said, "and let them know the FBI is engaged in yet another jurisdictional pissing match. Then I wait for the firings to commence."

Scully gave her an incredulous look. "You work for the United States government?"

...actually, that would explain a lot. But. "How is that even legal?"

"Of course not," Sheila shuddered. Ew. "But the OSI handles Guild relations, not the FBI. The FBI knows better than to poke their nose in where it isn't wanted."