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dada for muggles

DADA for Muggles, final class [Wednesday]

It had taken Remus and Sirius slightly less time this go around to program the Danger Room to do what they wanted (Sirius contended it was because it had threatened the computer with a good hexing, but that was debatable), but for a final examination, the professors felt that a bit of effort should be expended.

"Welcome to your exam," Sirius said with a slightly fiendish smile, extending his hand to encompass the scene before them: a large grassy area (complete with a different castle in the background. They missed Hogwarts a bit, so hush) covered in a variety of obstacles. "Hopefully you remember what you have learned. You will encounter a series of practical exercises in order for us to determine how prepared you are to face the Dark Arts in every day life. Good luck. If you get too hexed to continue, Professor Lupin and I will step in, but I don't think that will be entirely necessary."

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Priestly dug into his pockets.

"Uh. Anybody got any change?"

Dinah handed over a couple extra quarters, then grinned at the machine, and karate-kicked it. Ka-thunk. "Yes!"

Priestly stuck his tongue out at her. "Show off."

Dinah chortled and ripped open the wrapper. "OOo, Almond Joy. I think that's worth twenty points, right?"

"Points? There's points?" Priestly grumbled and put the change in the machine.

The Hershey bar he was going for got stuck.

Dinah had no idea if there was real points, but she looked thoughtful when the candy got stuck. "Pound on it?"

"Now, now, sometimes these situations call for finese." Priestly grabbed hold of either side of the vending machine and started shaking it. "Come on, give it up, it's okay. . . ."

Yes, he was gently coaxing the machine to give him candy. Shut up.

Nibbling on her candy, Dinah tried very hard not to giggle as Priestly soothed the machine. "Maybe it just needs to relax. Take a moment and breathe." Heeee.

Priestly shushed her. "It doesn't need your sarcasm. You should apologize."

To the vending machine. That Priestly was still rocking back and forth.

Yeah.

"Poooor machine," Dinah crooned. "Juuuust be calm. Priestly's heeeere."

Sarcasm? What sarcasm?

Priestly paused in his rocking and soothing to give her a look. "Now you have to apologize twice."

The candy bar came loose and dropped into the vending area. Priestly pumped his fist in the air.

Dinah patted the machine and said, "We knew you could do it! Yaaay!" Then grinned at Priestly and said, "Trade you a bite of mine for some of yours?"

Priestly gave her a look -- that fell just short of not being amused, despite his best efforts. "You still haven't apologized to it."

Dinah gave him a very amused look right back, and then leaned over and smooched the machine before throwing an arm against it, proclaiming, "You know I was only teasing, right? You know I'm sorry, oh giver of caaaandy." Then she batted her eyelashes at it.

Yeah, no way was Priestly gonna be able to keep a straight face at that. "There. Much better." He opened his candy bar and took a bite. "But you know, inanimate objects really do work better if you're nice to them."

"You just don't understand our special love," Dinah told him, holding out a piece of Almond Joy. "The machine responds to me 'cause I'm *consistent* with my violence!"

Yeah, Dinah didn't even believe herself, there.

"Wow, that is just all kinds of wrong."

Dinah finally laughed and continued to munch on her candy. "Hey, I was wondering if I should leave you two alone there for a minute or two. Don't diss what works."

"Hey, just because I know how to treat a lady."

Didn't you know? The vending machine was female.

Dinah gave him a look, then leaned against the side of the vending machine, grinning. "Are you sure it's a lady? It's not a tramp, giving candy to anyone who asks?"

"The lady can't be a tramp? Sinatra would disagree with you."

"Okay, it's both." Dinah snickered and said, "Now I want to go look up the song. Or get the machine a silk scarf and sunglasses."

"I think she'd look very fetching." Priestly gave the machine a pat.

A second candy bar fell down.

". . . Dude, I totally rule."

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DADA for Muggles, final class [Wednesday]

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