fandomhigh | Library [08/19]

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Library [08/19]

Instead of his usual plain morning coffee, Sam had gotten the biggest, sweetest coffee concoction that the Perk had to offer, and then headed to the library. If he was going to try to live in the land of denial about how close they were to the end of summer, he was going to need a sugar high on which to cruise.

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"So you're a demon too?" Sam asked. "You're not like the ones I've met. If you were, I'd be dead, so that's a point in your favor."

"I was raised to resist my heritage," Raven said. "So that when my father comes to claim me, I will be able to fight him, not submit and rule at his side. I am a healer, not a destroyer. I am sorry I misled you, but I feared I would be killed or forced to leave the island if anyone found out what I am."

"I guess talking to my dad didn't help with that, huh?" Sam asked. "We hunt things that are evil, but when it comes to here...it's different, we know that. You're not the first demon we've met who wasn't out to harm anyone."

"I am not? Are there others like me here?" Raven said, allowing hope to begin to dispel her fear. If Sam was attempting to trick her, then he was doing an excellent job of concealing his emotions, but she cautiously chose to believe him. "Yes, your father left me with the impression that if he knew what I was, he would seek to destroy me. I cannot help what I am; I did not choose my father, nor did my mother understand what he was when he came to her. But here in Fandom I am attempting to find my own path, and my own strength."

"My dad's a little more sensitive about the subject of demons," Sam explained. "It's hard for him to see the gray areas when the demon that killed my mom is still out there, taunting us. Before we came here, I never would have believed that someone related to demons could choose to be good, but I've seen it. There was a student here our first year here who was half-demon. I mean, he wasn't citizen of the year or anything, but he proved to be a good guy, so we left him alone. I wouldn't recommend coming out and telling my dad about yourself," he added quickly. "He won't hurt you, but he probably won't like you very much either."

"Your father told me he had personal reasons for being so determined to hunt demons, but I did not realize that was why," Raven said quietly. "I am sorry; that is a terrible thing to suffer, and I hope you are able to find the one responsible and punish him." She looked up at Sam. "You will not tell your father about what I am? I would be grateful if you would keep my secret. There are some here who know the truth, but I would rather others learned it from me."

"I won't tell him. It's your secret, not mine," Sam said. He knew all about keeping secrets, after all. "I'm sorry I, you know, set you off."

"Thank you," Raven said in relief. "And do not apologize. I do not think either of us expected that. It felt as if that word somehow penetrated my control and let my demon half emerge for a fleeting moment. Normally that does not happen." Unless she was angry or scared, but she didn't want to mention that part.

"That's pretty much what it's meant to do," Sam said. "I won't say it again, I promise."

"Professor Skywalker has been helping me shield myself from the emotions of others and control my own," Raven mused. "He knows what I truly am. I wonder if he would be able to help me resist reacting to that word, though it must be a useful tool for you so part of me would hope there is no way to deny its power."

"It's a useful tool when we're using it on creatures that deserve it," Sam said. "Professor Skywalker is definitely a good choice to talk to. I think if anyone can help you, it's probably him."

Raven nodded. "He has been an excellent teacher, and I have learned much from him. Without his wisdom and guidance the emotions in this place might have driven me mad when I first arrived. ~~I might have to form a fan club, care to join?~~ And as I said, he knows of my heritage, and I am certain if he thought I was a danger to those around me, he would not let me remain here." She knew that first hand from the other Fandom.

She sighed and managed a small smile. "It is a relief to have you know what I am but not wish to destroy me. I have been worried about that for some time."

"Yeah, he takes the safety of everyone very seriously, and he wouldn't hold back if he thought you were too dangerous to be here," Sam said. "Sometimes, the way he tells the truth can be uncomfortable, but it's also really useful."

He smiled softly as well. "I'm sorry you were worried, but I'm glad I know what's up now."

"In the other Fandom, I lost control of my gifts," Raven said. "Professor Skywalker was able to strike me down and stop me before I could harm anyone. It is strange to be grateful to someone for killing you, but I truly am. And I know he would do the same in this world -- not that I have any intention of allowing it to come to that.

"I sought to hide all that I am when I first came to this place," Raven continued. "It has been comforting to learn that I do not have to, that I can still be accepted despite my parentage."

"I think a lot of people feel that way when they first get here. I know Dean and I did. We'd spent our whole lives lying to people about what we really did for a living. It's not the same," he said quickly, "but I understand the feeling of wanting to hide things to be accepted."

"There are people in the world my mother was from that have special abilities like mine," Raven said, nodding in sympathy. "But most are forced to hide them to live a normal life, and mask themselves if they use their gifts in the open. People fear what they do not understand."

She cocked her head and studied Sam for a moment. "You are very different from your father," she decided.

Sam broke into a bright grin and laughed. "We have a few things in common, but yeah, I think so too."

"Is your brother more like you or like him?" Raven asked curiously. There might have been the underlying question of if he was "die demon die" or "don't hurt anybody and we're good."

"Dean's a lot more like my dad than I am, but that's just because they like hunting. That's what Dean's going off to do now that he's done with school," Sam said. "But he's been here as long as I have, so he gets that there's a difference between people like you and the things we fight."

"That is good to know," Raven said. She did take note of his words, however. "You do not like hunting?"

"Not as much as they do," Sam admitted. "I want to find the demon that killed my mother, but that's personal. Taking down every evil spirit around for the rest of my life? That's not what I want, not like Dean does."

"It is not a healthy way to live a life," Raven said softly, nodding. "Helping others is a noble cause, but if the cost is your own happiness and peace of mind, it is not worth it."

"That's exactly how I feel!" Sam said. "There's loads of other ways I could help people safely. I just have to figure out which one I want to do."

"The freedom to choose my own path is one of the reasons I came here," Raven said. "I hope that you are able to do so for yourself."

"I'll hope for both of us," Sam offered.

Library [08/19]

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