Library [08/12]

[likethegun]

Sam had nearly woken up late, Scout had been in some kind of terrible dog mood on their morning walk, the radio had done nothing to curb his concern that Chuck had caused serious emotional damage to Rachel, and everything seemed determined to remind him that there were only two weeks of summer left.

Oh, and he still had pink and gold glitter in his hair. This was not the start to a good day.

Comments

Re: Before Lunch [08/12]

[likethegun]

"I hated it there too," Sam said. "I've been trying to use the experience to remind myself that nothing here can be that bad."

Re: Before Lunch [08/12]

[trigons_child]

"You were drawn there as well?" Raven said, looking up at Sam. "I did not see you there before I was killed."

Re: Before Lunch [08/12]

[likethegun]

"Uh, you probably wouldn't have seen me if you weren't a vampire," Sam said.

Re: Before Lunch [08/12]

[trigons_child]

That caused a slight shudder. She really didn't like vampires. "No, I was at the school," Raven said, absently rubbing her neck. "I was healing as many people as I could, but it was overwhelming.

"Have you been able to recover sufficiently?" she went on, reaching out tentatively with her powers to see if she could tell if he was in any sort of emotional pain. Of course, if she knew he'd killed Chuck, that might've gotten a smile out of her.

Re: Before Lunch [08/12]

[likethegun]

"I can imagine how overwhelming it might have been for you, as hectic and terrifying as everything was. I'm a lot better now than I was when we first got back," Sam said. His concern about hurting Peter was being trumped by thoughts of how he'd have to leave soon, at the moment. "The people I hurt there, especially Peter and Chuck, managed to convince me that things are okay."

Re: Before Lunch [08/12]

[trigons_child]

"I have not met Peter," Raven said. "But I know he is Claire's uncle. I am glad that what happened has not caused problems between you." But if Sam had hurt Chuck, then some dark part of her was glad for it, though she would be ashamed to admit it.

Re: Before Lunch [08/12]

[likethegun]

"He's my boyfriend," Sam explained. "So I'm really glad that what happened didn't cause problems either. Or with Chuck," he added. "Although I imagine he's probably not your favorite person right now, and I don't blame you for that at all."

Re: Before Lunch [08/12]

[trigons_child]

"I know, Claire told me you were involved while we were stealing your underwear," Raven said.

At Chuck's name she visibly tensed. "He is not," she said flatly. "Not any longer."

Re: Before Lunch [08/12]

[likethegun]

"I'm sorry you got hurt, and I know he is too," Sam said. "And that might not sound like much, but the thing is, Chuck doesn't usually feel bad when people get hurt. So the fact that he feels guilty about hurting you--I'm not saying you have to forgive him or anything, but you should know that you had more of an effect on him than most people here."

Re: Before Lunch [08/12]

[trigons_child]

She'd managed to keep her anger under control while talking to Joan, but Joan had not tried to defend Chuck. She knew what Sam was saying was true -- she had felt Chuck's guilt -- but for now the surge of anger was winning out. "He has made a fool of me once," she said, her eyes briefly flashing red. "I will not let it happen again. Do not defend him to me."

Re: Before Lunch [08/12]

[likethegun]

"I--okay," Sam said quickly, because even he had enough sense to figure out not to mess with her right now. "I'm sorry. I just--I feel bad too, and I want you to feel better."

Re: Before Lunch [08/12]

[trigons_child]

Raven blinked, and her eyes returned to normal. "I am sorry," she said quickly, dismayed by the sudden loss of control. "I have been...struggling since returning from the other Fandom." She ducked her head, afraid to look at him for fear that he would realize what she was now.

Re: Before Lunch [08/12]

[likethegun]

"Yeah, I can see that," Sam said quietly, trying not to sound freaked out. Luckily, he hadn't quite put all the pieces together yet. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

Re: Before Lunch [08/12]

[trigons_child]

Raven shook her head. "Thank you, but I do not think so," she said. "I took a risk in allowing myself to experience emotions, and now I must deal with the consequences. It was a mistake; I should have done as I was taught."

Re: Before Lunch [08/12]

[likethegun]

"You're taught...not to have emotions?" Sam asked, sounding horrified by the mere idea. "Not even small, safe ones?"

Re: Before Lunch [08/12]

[trigons_child]

"Azar, my teacher, believed that it would be dangerous for me to experience and express emotions," Raven said. "Before I came here, I had never truly had real feelings." Only fear when her father came to her in dreams, and sometimes loneliness.

Re: Before Lunch [08/12]

[likethegun]

Sam's first instinct was to say that was horrible, but he didn't think it would be very nice to knock the way she was taught to live right off the bat. "It sounds like you need to start small then," he said. "People need emotions."

Re: Before Lunch [08/12]

[trigons_child]

"That was what I had intended," Raven said, allowing herself a small rueful smile. "But I do not think it was meant to be. My experience in the other Fandom and...and with Chuck have proven this. It is safer to deny myself so I will not be hurt, nor will I harm others."

Re: Before Lunch [08/12]

[likethegun]

"But isn't denying yourself kind of like hurting yourself as well?" Sam asked. "I don't think you should let anything that happened in the other Fandom be a guideline for how you are here. This is a totally different place."

Re: Before Lunch [08/12]

[trigons_child]

"It is," Raven agreed. "But it is still too much of a risk. I thought perhaps Azar was wrong about the necessity of controlling my emotions, but.... I have used my gifts to harm instead of heal, and I cannot live with that. And I am too easily manipulated or misled."

Re: Before Lunch [08/12]

[likethegun]

"I hope things don't stay that way forever," Sam said. "You shouldn't assume you'll never learn control, especially not here."

Re: Before Lunch [08/12]

[trigons_child]

"If it were only a risk of hurting myself...." Raven sighed and shook her head. "In the space of only a few days I have for the first time felt love and passion, and heartbreak and humiliation. I wanted so much to know what love was that I allowed myself to be used and discarded. And I have also tasted rage and fear and sorrow, and those may cause me to harm others with my gifts. It is not fair for me to experiment and risk the lives of those around me. I could cause irreparable harm."

Re: Before Lunch [08/12]

[likethegun]

"Love usually isn't something that happens overnight," Sam said, knowing all too well how it felt to be a danger to others. "You're not planning on cutting yourself off from everyone completely, are you?"

Re: Before Lunch [08/12]

[trigons_child]

"I think perhaps I know the difference between love and lust now," Raven said, "but no one had ever expressed either to me before, so I did not understand. And I did not realize that Chuck could be so cruel."

She paused a moment, taking a breath and gathering herself to make sure she was not losing control. "It would be impossible for me to remain here and cut myself off at the same time," she said. "My choices would be to go elsewhere into isolation or remain here and shield myself as best I can, and not allow myself to be misled again. I will stay for now, at long as I am not harming anyone."

Re: Before Lunch [08/12]

[likethegun]

"It sounds like you're learning how not to harm anyone," Sam said helpfully. "And I think you'll find a lot of people around here would be willing to help, if you'll let them. That's how this place works."