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fandomhigh2009-08-12 06:24 am
flipped-god-off.livejournal.com) wrote in fandomhigh2009-08-12 06:24 am
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a guide to getting past life's little quirks | wednesday | period 2 | august 12
The class was taking place in the Danger Shop today and Loki kind of couldn't wait for this lesson. He waited till everyone arrived, got settled before he started talking.
"Welcome back," he started, nodding at them all. "Hope you all had a wonderful fucking weekend and no one's melted because of the fucking heat."
It was fucking hot, man.
"Anyway, today, we're doing something that should be fun." For him. "And you all should, at one point or another, have to deal with this. Whether you're a guy or a girl, you're all going to have to slink into a store one night and buy condoms. Or maybe you'll have to buy fucking your mom some new underwear. Or, if you're really fucking lucky, some adult diapers. Yes, children, buying shit that embarrasses you is a fact of fucking life. Best to get over it now before because it's going to fucking happen and turning a bright shade of fucking red because you're embarrassed is not going to fucking help."
It'd just be amusing.
"The easiest thing to do just do it quick," he continued. "Find the item, buy it, make no fucking eye contact with the clerk and leave. Of course, this might be difficult if the clerk starts talking to you and you don't want to be a rude shit and ignore him or her. Then, you have to suck it up. There's also the 'buy lots of shit and hide the embarrassing thing in the middle' trick. If you buy a shit ton of mundane stuff, maybe you can lull the clerk into not thinking anything of your embarrassing purchase, right? Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes it just puts more focus on your embarrassing item. You could also try to make someone buy it for you. In this class, you're not going to get to do that but if you find someone that doesn't give a shit about buying stuff like that, then you're golden."
Loki grinned because this activity was going to be awesome.
"Today, you're all going to be buying something embarrassing," he said. "I've assigned items and it's your job to buy the thing, pay for it and get out of the store without stuttering or blushing like a fucking idiot. Sound easy? I guess we'll see, right? Get going."
Loki stood back and waited for the the first student to take their turn.
"Welcome back," he started, nodding at them all. "Hope you all had a wonderful fucking weekend and no one's melted because of the fucking heat."
It was fucking hot, man.
"Anyway, today, we're doing something that should be fun." For him. "And you all should, at one point or another, have to deal with this. Whether you're a guy or a girl, you're all going to have to slink into a store one night and buy condoms. Or maybe you'll have to buy fucking your mom some new underwear. Or, if you're really fucking lucky, some adult diapers. Yes, children, buying shit that embarrasses you is a fact of fucking life. Best to get over it now before because it's going to fucking happen and turning a bright shade of fucking red because you're embarrassed is not going to fucking help."
It'd just be amusing.
"The easiest thing to do just do it quick," he continued. "Find the item, buy it, make no fucking eye contact with the clerk and leave. Of course, this might be difficult if the clerk starts talking to you and you don't want to be a rude shit and ignore him or her. Then, you have to suck it up. There's also the 'buy lots of shit and hide the embarrassing thing in the middle' trick. If you buy a shit ton of mundane stuff, maybe you can lull the clerk into not thinking anything of your embarrassing purchase, right? Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes it just puts more focus on your embarrassing item. You could also try to make someone buy it for you. In this class, you're not going to get to do that but if you find someone that doesn't give a shit about buying stuff like that, then you're golden."
Loki grinned because this activity was going to be awesome.
"Today, you're all going to be buying something embarrassing," he said. "I've assigned items and it's your job to buy the thing, pay for it and get out of the store without stuttering or blushing like a fucking idiot. Sound easy? I guess we'll see, right? Get going."
Loki stood back and waited for the the first student to take their turn.
class activity | alcohol management [llq 08/12]
Agnes - Athletic Cup (http://www.nuttybuddy.com/)
Blysse - Douche (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Douche)
Edmund - Adult Diapers (http://www.staydryproducts.com/)
Effy - Celine Dion CD (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000031XCR/ref=pd_lpo_k2_dp_sr_2?pf_rd_p=304485901&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-1&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=B000002BHE&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=09V36SYFZWWXVY8BW73V)
Elena - Laxatives (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Laxative)
Elle- Beano (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beano_%28dietary_supplement%29)
Emmett - Viagra (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sildenafil)
Fiona - Pregnancy test (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pregnancy_test)
George - Tampons (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tampons)
Griff - Granny panties (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=granny+panties)
Helen - Preparation H (http://www.preparationh.com/)
Jaina - Pubic Hair Dye (http://www.bettybeauty.com/)
Jenny - Monistat (http://www.monistat.com/)
Layla - Lice Kit (http://www.quitnits.com/head_lice_product_info/complete_lice_treatment_kit)
Prince Edward - Extra small condoms (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Condom)
Tara - Valtrex (http://www.valtrex.com/)
Yuffie - Genital wart medicine (www.genital-warts-help.org/genital_warts_medicine.html)
Zack - Risky viewing material (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pornography)
___
[Feel free to handwave OR ping in and I'll play a clerk for you!]
Re: class activity | alcohol management [llq 08/12]
She might be trying a different tactic.
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"There ain't no reason to be rude, honey," she drawled, tone sweet. "And I wouldn't know, never used it. Haven't ever had the problem. Must be tough for you."
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She just glared across the counter, almost daring them to make comment.
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The sarcasm was strong with this one and he'd been glared at enough that it just rolled right off him.
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"Well, that's all right, hon," she said, trying not to laugh. "We all have our little problems."
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Zack Fair. Holding porn. It was going to take a moment to let that realization dawn before he shimmied toward the counter with it. No eye contact. None. Except he couldn't not make eye contact and avoid looking at the porn at the same time.
Damn it!
Okay. Fine. Eye contact.
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He meant to buying porn.
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"What is?" she demanded of the cashier.
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She dropped her voice to a whisper. "...down there."
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George brought two boxes up to the counter - one super absorbent and one light flow. "Which of these would be better?" He asked the clerk.
He had no freaking clue what tampons were, no.
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She was a Turk. Professional was what she did. So long as it didn't involve her love life or anything.
She was on a mission. So she marched into the store, browsed through the horrifying brand names, and grabbed one of the boxes.
The key to not being noticed was to act as though you were supposed to be there, and no one should blink at you. Looking around furtively only drew attention to yourself.
She tossed the box onto the counter as though it was a pack of gum, and busied herself with pulling out her wallet and counting bills.
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"It's a good choice," he said through his laughter. "Very effective."
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He cleared his throat. "Excuse me, but these must be for someone your size. I need the larger ones." Ah-hah!
[AHAHAHAH! ILU.]
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Fine, then. If that was the way Loki wanted to play it, she'd see him and raise him one.
She filled her cart with the cup, a douche, a package of adult diapers, a Celine Dion CD, laxatives, Beano, Viagra, a pregnancy test, tampons, Preparation H, pubic hair dye, Monistat, a lice kit, extra small condoms, Valtrex, genital wart medicine, and three of the most bizarrely freakish hardcore pornographic videos she could find. She didn't NEED to buy granny panties; she was already wearing them.
Her face was almost purple, but her head was held high and she gave the clerk a confident grin.
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