fandomhigh | Culture Shock, Thursday, 5/28, Period 2

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culture shock

Culture Shock, Thursday, 5/28, Period 2

When the students filed into the danger shop today, they'd find themselves stepping into a wooded area that vaguely resembled the preserve. Algren was standing between two trees with his arms crossed over his chest, and a frown very apparent on his lips. He enjoyed teaching classes outside, damn it. Being in the danger shop, conveniently away from whatever the hell those creatures outside were supposed to be, hardly counted at all.

"It's good to see that you've made it here in one piece," he greeted the students with. "And if you aren't in one piece, you shouldn't be here. If your injuries are severe, grab a well-armed posse and get yourselves to the clinic. If you figure it can wait, I'll escort you there myself after class."

That out of the way, he finally began to launch into the lecture.

"And on the off-chance that you haven't noticed, Fandom Island has segued us very nicely into the 'frustration' portion of the syllabus. Just when you start to work on settling in, something inevitably crawls out of the woodwork... or out of the sewers to throw you for a loop. What do you do when you're faced with the completely unexpected while you're trying to adjust to a new environment?"

At that very moment, unnoticed by Algren, a tiny green creature made its way up to him, put a tiny green finger to his slimy green lips as he grinned at the class, and then proceeded to take a large bite out of Algren's ankle. It then gave a little, gremlinny laugh, turned, and ran away to fiddle with the Danger Shop settings.

There was a long stream of language that was in no way suitable for a teaching environment before Algren finally settled down. At about the same time, from out of the shadows behind him, a swarm of crocodiles began to emerge. They were smaller than the alligators who were lurking outside, yes, but they were still big, hungry reptiles.

Immediately, Algren dropped to his hands and knees and began to sneak up to the nearest one.

"Crikey! Would you look at the size of this croc?" Between Algren's horrid approximation of an Australian accent and the bad dangershopped khakis, this could not possibly end well.

[ETA: The alligators are tomorrow! And I am facepalming. If Y'all would be so kind as to pretend that Algren's crazy is a result of the gremlin bite and the danger shop combined, I would kinda love you all forever. Thanks! (Maybe he was bitten a first time before he came in, and he's building up an immunity?)]

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"Alright, everyone, gather in close. Today we're going to feed one of these beautiful creatures. Now, the thing to remember when dealing with these animals is that they're wild, and they're very unpredictable. So, stay behind me, and don't make any sudden moves. I've been working with these animals for my entire li- Whoa, big fellah!"

Yes. This is the activity. Watch Algren get his hand bitten into by a fake crocodile.

The facial expressions as he tries to pry it from his arm are fascinating.

... Actually, it would probably be for the best if you grab a slab of fake danger shop meat and try to distract the other fake crocs, who all want to eat you, instead.

Francine. Tree. Not coming down. Possibly not until the hologram disappeared and she fell down.

Arthur had not only grabbed a slab of meat, he was rather enthusiastically kicking the odd crocodile in the face while he was at it.

What? It was what he did. Especially with Morgana in the class.

"Have you gone as crazy as our teacher?" Kenshin asked, from his perch in the tree.

Arthur stared back at him. "I'm hardly going to hide like a girl," he pointed out, sensibly.

And then wound up kicking a rogue crocodile in the soft squishy parts. Oops?

Kenshin snorted.

"I'm unarmed, and those things could eat me in one bite."

"So you would rather cower," Arthur surmised, and rolled his eyes.

"I would rather survive to return to my country."

Pause.

"Besides, how do you know they aren't demons?"

"They're not exactly dragons, are they?" Arthur asked, shaking his head.

He managed to deflect one with some ingenious use of a loose branch.

"If you can't even face lizards unarmed, how on God's green Earth are you going to defend your country?"

"With my sword," he replied simply, in a tone that said nothing so much as duh. "I'm not trained in unarmed combat. And of course they're not dragons; any idiot can see that. But dragons aren't demons, and it's clear that our teacher is either insane or possessed."

"Gremlin bite," Arthur informed him.

Because that explained everything.

"And if you're not trained in unarmed combat, maybe you should start. What, if someone disarms you, are you just going to stand there and cry?"

He was a knight. They were kind of supposed to be walking tanks.

"I won't be disarmed," he replied. "So why bother considering a situation that will never happen?"

Pause.

"...Gremlin?"

"Oh, I'm sorry for the assumption," Arthur said, with the earnesty of the wolf in sheep's clothing about to chomp the sheep's bloody head off. "Yes, gremlins, they bite you, you hallucinate. Why in the name of God aren't you trained in unarmed combat?"

Kick a crocodile in the throat.

"Because I was raised by a swordmaster, not a kempo master, or a jujitsu master," he replied matter-of-factly.

He knew a few unarmed moves, but they were largely related to avoiding swordblows, countering swordblows, and taking the sword from your enemy. If you happened to be unarmed. Which, until coming to Fandom, he never was.

He was smart enough not to elaborate on that though.

"Well," Arthur noted, "That makes you fairly useless without a sword, doesn't it?"

Hell, half of Arthur's fighting style came down to using his body when the opponent expected an easy blade to parry.

"Why do you think I object so strongly to being without one?" he grumbled. He was completely aware of how useless he was without a sword.

"You may want to work on that," Arthur informed him.

"I'm open to suggestions," he admitted. "Behind you," he added, nodding at the incoming demon lizard.

It was a crocodile.

He slammed his elbow into its throat.

"I was aware of that."

Really!

No one has presented any evidence that it was not a demon lizard. It could eat him. In ONE BITE.

Perhaps Arthur had failed to notice that.

"Then I'm sure you're equally aware of the one to your left."

"Get out of the tree and do something useful," Arthur ordered.

While he was kicking.

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Re: The Activity [5/28]

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Morgana glanced over at Francine, and realized she had a good idea. She found a stump to stand on and gathered her skirt close to herself so that hopefully nothing could get to it. She wasn't sure if she'd make it through the whole class like this, but she was certainly going to try.

Arthur certainly wasn't hovering near her while he was fending off the crocodiles in a heroic and utterly necessary (his words) fashion. No. None of that.

Except that he kind of was. Well, her and Merlin. ... And Francine.

And every other woman in the class. But the two of them definitely got the most hovering.

Edited 2009-05-28 19:17 (UTC)

For once, Morgana wasn't going to argue with Arthur and his hovering, not when there were creatures with teeth nearby. If he wanted to be heroic and run the risk of getting bitten, she certainly wasn't going to stop him. She might have even looked grateful for the concern.

Elspeth really regretted not wearing her sword to classes. Fortunately she still had her throwing daggers in hidden wrist sheaths. With a quick flick of her wrist, one of the spring-loaded sheaths dropped a blade into her hand.

Feeling a little better with a weapon in hand, she selected a slab of meat and threw it as far from herself and her classmates as she could, hoping to send the beasts in the other direction.

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