The Art of Cool: Class 2, Period 2 (Friday, January 18)

[suit-of-awesome.livejournal.com]

Every Teenager Sucks (This Includes You and that BOY YOU LIKE)

Tink was somewhat astonished by the number of students who returned. To be honest, while she had enjoyed herself rather a great deal, she had imagined that most of the students would discover their inability for ever achieving "cool" and therefore not bother to come back for further abuse education. They were either braver or dumber than she realized, and she had a feeling it was the latter.

"They need the grades," Barney told her, taking a long pull from the glass of scotch he'd remembered to bring with him from their office this morning. "And we're not talking about the ripest melons on the vine." He spent a moment thinking about some nice melons.

Ah. Right. That would explain things, then. Well! They should move right along to this week's topic, so that they could get to the part where they mocked everyone again and laugh. They were going to do that, right? Because that was her very favorite part.

"We'll do anything you like, Ms. Bell," Barney replied, giving her a wink. "Students!" he announced, suddenly deciding to focus on them and not Tink's amazing ensemble. "Quit pretending you have people to text on your cell phones and pay attention. Ms. Bell is ready to begin the torment, er, the discussion of why you teenagers suck."

Tink placed a chart up on the screen for everyone to look at. Wasn't it a wonderful graph? It was! It was all about why teenagers shouldn't be in relationships or - worse - say that they were in looooove.



"Keep in mind that none of you are in love. And no, I don't care if you would die for him or her, that is not love. That is called having no sense of self preservation. Look it up. What I want you all to think about is Commitment-Free Sex. Yes, SEX! With people who are not going to cling to you afterwards."

Sex! Tink did a happy jingly dance for that. With people who were very hot and understood that you might need, in a few days, to go and have sex with other people who were very hot, and who wouldn't turn into stalkers. Stalkers and jealousy were not signs of love, children. They were signs of idiotic teenagers who were going about this whole sex thing wrong.

"You took the words out of my mouth, Ms. Bell," Barney said, smiling fondly at her.

Tink preened. He was ever so charming, and she loved the way he said Ms. Bell. Right, yes, class! Sex was very important to a growing teenager's well-being, and love was one of those things that made sex complicated, messy and unpleasant. What a horrible shame that the two had to be mixed up together like that.

"Therefore, we are here to show you the way! Learn now to dump your relationship and embrace the glory of commitment-free sexual encounters, regret-free assuming you use proper protection! Today you're going to pair up and role play breaking up with your partner, explaining the inherent benefits of commitment-free sex to one another as your reason for said break-up," Barney enjoyed giving directions like this.

Go to the light! Find the way! And for your homework, you have to do it for real! Tell your boring and stupid boyfriend or girlfriend that you're leaving him or her so you can have commitment-free sex! You will thank us later! Next week, when you're free from the shackles of that stupid, boring relationship and having commitment-free sex with far hotter people!

"If you happen to be lucky and sans-relationship, your homework assignment is to find someone and let them know, 'Hey, I'm not in a relationship, that means we could be having commitment-free sex, interested?' If it sounds difficult, then you need practice anyway," Barney told them.

It was just as easy as it sounded! And it meant you could meet all sorts of new and interesting people, and possibly have sex with them! How could that ever be a bad thing? It couldn't!

"Oh, and by the way, we painstakingly selected one Ronald Weasley as your esteemed TA. Ask him any questions you have about the homework. Good luck with that! Now, on to the discussion questions!"

(Tink was not, in fact, snickering at the newly-selected TA. Must be just your imagination.)


[ooc: We like 'em, duuudes]

Comments

Sign In [1/18]

[suit-of-awesome.livejournal.com]

Name and an icon that could potentially get you laid.

Re: Sign In [1/18]

[dojima-hime.livejournal.com]

Dōjima Yurika!

Talk During the Lecture [1/18]

[suit-of-awesome.livejournal.com]

You are all such talky meat.

Re: Talk During the Lecture [1/18]

[sixstandingby.livejournal.com]

Gavin...just stared.

Re: Talk During the Lecture [1/18]

[withoutverona]

Romeo was concentrating very, very hard on reasons why he shouldn't walk out. "Think of this as an intellectual exercise" quickly evaporated, and he was down to "don't want to get fired" long before Barney was done.

Re: Talk During the Lecture [1/18]

[dojima-hime.livejournal.com]

Dōjima looked up from where she had been sending a text and scowled. This class was entertaining, and good for perfecting her cover, but she really didn't want to get involved in meaningless hook-ups for the sake of a class. Too much work.

Finishing off her missive to Tōko, she flopped down on to her desk for a nap. Not like there was anything to learn here.

Re: Talk During the Lecture [1/18]

[raspberryturk]

Reno wasn't talking. Reno was simply smirking.

If the homework was retroactive, he wouldn't be able to count the amount of plus signs that would go behind his "A" grade on this assignment.

Re: Talk During the Lecture [1/18]

[minnesota-teen.livejournal.com]

Amber... just wasn't sure what to think here.

Re: Talk During the Lecture [1/18]

[morpherboy.livejournal.com]

Marco couldn't decide how he felt about agreeing with these particular teachers.

Re: Talk During the Lecture [1/18]

[gobrookeyourself]

Brooke heartily approved of this entire class. Of course, the homework would mean she'd actually have to get somewhere in this town.

Discussion [1/18]

[suit-of-awesome.livejournal.com]

Share with the class some good, wholesome reasons for having commitment-free sex, and some reasons why relationships are boring and stupid.

Re: Discussion [1/18]

[sixstandingby.livejournal.com]

Gavin frowned and just made stuff up. "Because you get more...broadening experiences instead of the same experience with the same person?"

Re: Discussion [1/18]

[withoutverona]

"Because if you never give your heart to anyone, you can remain shallow, dipping only your toes into the water of life." It was clear Romeo did not think this was actually a good thing, but he was asked for a reason and he gave it.

Re: Discussion [1/18]

[dojima-hime.livejournal.com]

"Oi! Sensei-samas! I'm seventeen, not fifteen!" Dōjima scowled and pointed at her chest. "Does this look like the rack of a fifteen-year-old to you?"

"Seriously, when you're fifteen, of course you cling to the first interested person. No one understands you, and suddenly someone wants you. It's not that hard to see why it happens."

"Then you figure out there's lots of pretty people, and it gets better. I promise. It's like chickenpox, monogamy clears up eventually. Then you can go to the club or the arcade and make a new best friend. If you can't stand them tomorrow, who cares? There's lots of clubs, and lots of potential friends, and everyone likes new friends, right?"

Re: Discussion [1/18]

[raspberryturk]

Reno snorted and shrugged his shoulder.

"There gotta be reasons now? It's sex, yo." This was, of course, followed with an eyeroll. Who didn't know this?

Re: Discussion [1/18]

[moonbrain-tam.livejournal.com]

"A relationship of some kind does not exclude the possibility of sexual experiences with others, if that's the agreement," River pointed out. She had had to come to terms with certain eels after all.

Re: Discussion [1/18]

[minnesota-teen.livejournal.com]

Amber tried to think of what Loretta would say. "Sex is sex. It's meant to be fun and pleasurable. I aim to have fun with as many people as I can before I die."

Re: Discussion [1/18]

[morpherboy.livejournal.com]

"Because then you're actually expected to be nice for long periods of time?"

Re: Discussion [1/18]

[robinthefrog.livejournal.com]

"I'm 14, how does that effect the graph?"

Re: Discussion [1/18]

[key-of-heart.livejournal.com]

Sora was still kind of aghast at all this. Not that he didn't know about sex or anything, but yeah...

"Uhhh, what if people don't want to have sex with you?"

Re: Discussion [1/18]

[gobrookeyourself]

"You don't have to deal with them afterwards," Brooke said simply, thinking this was a pretty good reason.

Activity - Pair Up And Break Up [1/18]

[suit-of-awesome.livejournal.com]

It's not you. It's not me, either. It's the fact that you're impeding my ability to have commitment-free sex.

Re: Activity - Pair Up And Break Up [1/18]

[sixstandingby.livejournal.com]

Considering he'd never broken up with someone before, Gavin was pretty sure he'd suck at this activity.

Your TA - Mr. Weasley [1/18]

[suit-of-awesome.livejournal.com]

Who will ping in with power and gusto!

Re: Your TA - Mr. Weasley [1/18]

[isourking.livejournal.com]

TA? Ron wasn't sure if he should "\o/" or "O.o".

Your Fabulous Teachers [1/18]

[suit-of-awesome.livejournal.com]

Who are drinking and laughing at you.

Re: Your Fabulous Teachers [1/18]

[isourking.livejournal.com]

"TA? ZOMG! R U kidding?" Ron said approaching his teachers.

Your OOC [1/18]

[suit-of-awesome.livejournal.com]

Praying to the unholy Tom Cruise has failed yet again! Next time, Pard is sticking with Oprah!
(Meaning Tink-mun is around, but Barney's afk 'til later.)

Re: Your OOC [1/18]

[tinkerbitch.livejournal.com]

Like I keep saying: Tom Cruise requires chicken sacrifice, not dark prayers.