fandomhigh | The Art of Cool: Class 2, Period 2 (Friday, January 18)

Every Teenager Sucks (This Includes You and that BOY YOU LIKE)

Tink was somewhat astonished by the number of students who returned. To be honest, while she had enjoyed herself rather a great deal, she had imagined that most of the students would discover their inability for ever achieving "cool" and therefore not bother to come back for further ~~abuse~~ education. They were either braver or dumber than she realized, and she had a feeling it was the latter.

"They need the grades," Barney told her, taking a long pull from the glass of scotch he'd remembered to bring with him from their office this morning. "And we're not talking about the ripest melons on the vine." He spent a moment thinking about some nice melons.

Ah. Right. That would explain things, then. Well! They should move right along to this week's topic, so that they could get to the part where they mocked everyone again and laugh. They were going to do that, right? Because that was her very favorite part.

"We'll do anything you like, Ms. Bell," Barney replied, giving her a wink. "Students!" he announced, suddenly deciding to focus on them and not Tink's amazing ensemble. "Quit pretending you have people to text on your cell phones and pay attention. Ms. Bell is ready to begin the torment, er, the discussion of why you teenagers suck."

Tink placed a chart up on the screen for everyone to look at. Wasn't it a wonderful graph? It was! It was all about why teenagers shouldn't be in relationships or - worse - say that they were in looooove.

"Keep in mind that none of you are in love. And no, I don't care if you would die for him or her, that is not love. That is called having no sense of self preservation. Look it up. What I want you all to think about is Commitment-Free Sex. Yes, SEX! With people who are not going to cling to you afterwards."

Sex! Tink did a happy jingly dance for that. With people who were very hot and understood that you might need, in a few days, to go and have sex with other people who were very hot, and who wouldn't turn into stalkers. Stalkers and jealousy were not signs of love, children. They were signs of idiotic teenagers who were going about this whole sex thing wrong.

"You took the words out of my mouth, Ms. Bell," Barney said, smiling fondly at her.

Tink preened. He was ever so charming, and she loved the way he said Ms. Bell. Right, yes, class! Sex was very important to a growing teenager's well-being, and love was one of those things that made sex complicated, messy and unpleasant. What a horrible shame that the two had to be mixed up together like that.

"Therefore, we are here to show you the way! Learn now to dump your relationship and embrace the glory of commitment-free sexual encounters, regret-free assuming you use proper protection! Today you're going to pair up and role play breaking up with your partner, explaining the inherent benefits of commitment-free sex to one another as your reason for said break-up," Barney enjoyed giving directions like this.

Go to the light! Find the way! And for your homework, you have to do it for real! Tell your boring and stupid boyfriend or girlfriend that you're leaving him or her so you can have commitment-free sex! You will thank us later! Next week, when you're free from the shackles of that stupid, boring relationship and having commitment-free sex with far hotter people!

"If you happen to be lucky and sans-relationship, your homework assignment is to find someone and let them know, 'Hey, I'm not in a relationship, that means we could be having commitment-free sex, interested?' If it sounds difficult, then you need practice anyway," Barney told them.

It was just as easy as it sounded! And it meant you could meet all sorts of new and interesting people, and possibly have sex with them! How could that ever be a bad thing? It couldn't!

"Oh, and by the way, we painstakingly selected one Ronald Weasley as your esteemed TA. Ask him any questions you have about the homework. Good luck with that! Now, on to the discussion questions!"

(Tink was not, in fact, snickering at the newly-selected TA. Must be just your imagination.)

[ooc: We like 'em, duuudes]

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He was ... was he having a seizure? Were seizures messy? She had fabulous shoes on today and if he was going to be projectile vomiting on them she should have some warning, because shoes this wonderful were not easy to replace.

Ron tried to let out a groan of extreme frustration but it only came out as "owieao;wiawgthaeroitawerser."

Then he groaned.

"I h8 this skewl."

Oh! Oh, that one she understood just fine. Yes. Most of them hated school. But at least he had a class that was going to teach him how to have commitment-free sex! Wasn't he lucky?

"Sexx0rs? lol," Ron said rolling his eyes. "I is ugli Br!tishhh!1!!1!"

That, dear boy, was why liquor was invented. To even the playing field among all, including the ugly, and the --

British!?

Did he happen to know a Wendy-bird? She was British, too, and she called him Peeeeetah and she should die die DIE.

"ZOMG? RU crunk?" Ron retorted "idkwurta! B!rd? What?"

British people were foul and boring and she was going to sulk. Not about Peeeeetah. He wasn't worth it. She was over him. Could the boy tell? He should go tell his Wendy-bird and Peetah how fabulous she looked. Could he do that, by the way? Go back to Britainland and let them all know how marvelous Tink was and how smashing she was doing, chip chip cheerio and whatever else the Britishers said?

"U R Crunk," Ron decided. "Cr*zy crunk w/ crunk on t0p."

The Art of Cool: Class 2, Period 2 (Friday, January 18)

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