fandomhigh | The Art of Cool: Class 2, Period 2 (Friday, January 18)

Every Teenager Sucks (This Includes You and that BOY YOU LIKE)

Tink was somewhat astonished by the number of students who returned. To be honest, while she had enjoyed herself rather a great deal, she had imagined that most of the students would discover their inability for ever achieving "cool" and therefore not bother to come back for further ~~abuse~~ education. They were either braver or dumber than she realized, and she had a feeling it was the latter.

"They need the grades," Barney told her, taking a long pull from the glass of scotch he'd remembered to bring with him from their office this morning. "And we're not talking about the ripest melons on the vine." He spent a moment thinking about some nice melons.

Ah. Right. That would explain things, then. Well! They should move right along to this week's topic, so that they could get to the part where they mocked everyone again and laugh. They were going to do that, right? Because that was her very favorite part.

"We'll do anything you like, Ms. Bell," Barney replied, giving her a wink. "Students!" he announced, suddenly deciding to focus on them and not Tink's amazing ensemble. "Quit pretending you have people to text on your cell phones and pay attention. Ms. Bell is ready to begin the torment, er, the discussion of why you teenagers suck."

Tink placed a chart up on the screen for everyone to look at. Wasn't it a wonderful graph? It was! It was all about why teenagers shouldn't be in relationships or - worse - say that they were in looooove.

"Keep in mind that none of you are in love. And no, I don't care if you would die for him or her, that is not love. That is called having no sense of self preservation. Look it up. What I want you all to think about is Commitment-Free Sex. Yes, SEX! With people who are not going to cling to you afterwards."

Sex! Tink did a happy jingly dance for that. With people who were very hot and understood that you might need, in a few days, to go and have sex with other people who were very hot, and who wouldn't turn into stalkers. Stalkers and jealousy were not signs of love, children. They were signs of idiotic teenagers who were going about this whole sex thing wrong.

"You took the words out of my mouth, Ms. Bell," Barney said, smiling fondly at her.

Tink preened. He was ever so charming, and she loved the way he said Ms. Bell. Right, yes, class! Sex was very important to a growing teenager's well-being, and love was one of those things that made sex complicated, messy and unpleasant. What a horrible shame that the two had to be mixed up together like that.

"Therefore, we are here to show you the way! Learn now to dump your relationship and embrace the glory of commitment-free sexual encounters, regret-free assuming you use proper protection! Today you're going to pair up and role play breaking up with your partner, explaining the inherent benefits of commitment-free sex to one another as your reason for said break-up," Barney enjoyed giving directions like this.

Go to the light! Find the way! And for your homework, you have to do it for real! Tell your boring and stupid boyfriend or girlfriend that you're leaving him or her so you can have commitment-free sex! You will thank us later! Next week, when you're free from the shackles of that stupid, boring relationship and having commitment-free sex with far hotter people!

"If you happen to be lucky and sans-relationship, your homework assignment is to find someone and let them know, 'Hey, I'm not in a relationship, that means we could be having commitment-free sex, interested?' If it sounds difficult, then you need practice anyway," Barney told them.

It was just as easy as it sounded! And it meant you could meet all sorts of new and interesting people, and possibly have sex with them! How could that ever be a bad thing? It couldn't!

"Oh, and by the way, we painstakingly selected one Ronald Weasley as your esteemed TA. Ask him any questions you have about the homework. Good luck with that! Now, on to the discussion questions!"

(Tink was not, in fact, snickering at the newly-selected TA. Must be just your imagination.)

[ooc: We like 'em, duuudes]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Ha, the cute boy with the fabulous sunglasses. Excellent.

Dōjima sat down next to him and offered up her sweetest smile. "This seat taken?"

[also with the wonky of available-ness. together, we are invincible!!!]

"Is now," Reno said with a grin. "Guess now that you're here, I gotta dump you, yo."

Which, given that they hadn't done anything, was really such a shame, wasn't it?

[[Mostly not here availability, for great justice!]]

"You 'gotta dump me'? Seriously?" She fluttered her eyelashes at him, sulking slightly. "I've never been dumped before. I'm crushed. Heartbroken. My self-esteem might never recover."

Dōjima? Take this seriously? Not.

"What makes you think you'll ever find anything half as good as me, anyway?"

"Commitment is so not my thing, sweetheart." The redhead stretched his arms and grinned. "Surprised we lasted this long, zoto. Hate to leave you all alone, but there's a whole world of untapped ass out there just waitin' for me."

Well, there was.

"Well if your tastes are low enough to simply 'tap ass', then I suppose it's no great loss to me!" She crossed her arms and tried to glare at him, despite being obviously amused. "You clearly aren't able to appreciate what I bring to the party."

Twirling her hair absently, she smirked at him. "Does this rule out break-up sex and/or any future booty calls?"

Reno had to lean forward here. He had to. And he had to smirk. A lot. Because, seriously. He just did.

"Break-up sex and booty calls are always an option, yo," he replied coolly.

[And now I flee for work and shall be gone for the next eight or so hours. T'was fun!]

"Gee, how sweet. At least I know you don't completely regret our time together. That makes me feel so much better. Is this an option for all your exes, or just the ones you liked?" Now Dōjima leaned forward, just to smirk at him some more. "I don't like being lumped in with other girls."

[As I was also eaten by works. wheeee! Random availability for GREAT JUSTICE!

And? I so love that icon.]

"Lumped in, nothin'," Reno replied, licking his lips and smirking, "you'd be lucky if I ever bothered to learn your name."

Here was where he resisted the urge to ask her for her name, of course.

[Boom zig!

Reno icons are full of yummy. He doesn't even have to try. It's remarkable.]

"If you didn't bother to learn my name, how are you going to ring me up for a booty call?" she asked. "What, 'hey, sweet, it's me?' Yeah, like that's going to fly. You aren't talking your way towards break-up sex here. Hell, you aren't even trying! So, so hurt."

"I feel like I ought to start doing public service." Dōjima grinned evily. "Let allllllllll the girls in the dorm know exactly what to expect from the pretty red-haired boy."

Reno actually had to pause to consider this for a moment. Hrm. This could be problematic.

"Could be angry break-up sex, yo. Angry can be hot."

See, problem solved!

"Angry can be very hot," she agreed, looking dreamy for a moment, "No! That doesn't dissuade me from my sudden zeal for educating the greater public!"

"This is why the teacher is crazy," Dōjima confided softly. "Why bother to 'break-up' when you can just not contact them ever again? Too much can go wrong with a bad break-up."

[Bed! *is ded*]

"Not callin' again is such an easy out. This break-up crap is for people who actually cared enough to get involved in the first place," Reno agreed with a nod.

[Night!]

"You'll still have to watch out for the scorned women, though," she pointed out seriously. "Even if you didn't bother to get their name, they might have gotten yours. And in a school this small? You could be out of 'ass to tap' in less than a week. Girls can be mean."

"Which reminds me, I didn't bother to get your name."

"Reno," he replied with a nod of his head. "Didn't bother to get yours either, yo. Too busy tellin' you that learnin' it wasn't worth the effort."

He shrugged his shoulders and smiled. "Either way, not too worried about runnin' out. Just means I'll be makin' field trips to the mainland sooner or later."

"Was that a request to learn it?" she teased, flipping her hair back over her shoulder. "That didn't take much effort, now did it? Dōjima. Dōjima Yurika, at your service."

The Art of Cool: Class 2, Period 2 (Friday, January 18)

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