fandomhigh | Love Smart: Period 2, Week 2

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Love Smart: Period 2, Week 2

Barney leaned against the whiteboard while the students took their seats. “So. Relationships. Whatever. Today we’re going to focus on the getting part of the relationship for the benefit of those of you who need a hook-up or who wish to trade up,” he announced with a grin. Yeah, he listened to the radio. It was great entertainment.

“For those of you who missed my legendary summer workshop, How to Be Awesome, here is a list of pick up lines to try on your own time. I also have video of your classmates' greatest hits in my office should you need a visual reference. Keep in mind these pick up lines were designed with the hot and dirty in mind. Not the deeply emotional relationships you teens seem intent on having." That last bit might have been sarcastic and accompanied by wide, grossed-out eyes.

"Now that that bit of business is taken care of, let's discuss how and why we choose our significant others."

"Couples: Why did you select your partner as 'The One' for you? Was it for their looks? Because hell yeah, you want someone you can stand to stare at for days on end. Was it for their money? Because of... feelings?" He looked at them sadly, because really, they should be out there having meaningless sex. It was a tragedy.

Focusing in on those lucky enough to be without an SO, Barney addressed the class ~~studs~~ loners. "Singles: How and where do you find a mate? Any alternatives to finding 'The One'? Let's discuss!"

[ooc: ~~Wait for~~ OCD is up! The questions are open to all for reply and discussion! Go Swarley!]

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Annette gave Dick a buhhh look, then her head hit her desk.

Dick gave her a 'what?' look. It was a joke!

She looked over, cheek pressed to desk and waved her hand, mumbling. "You can have a hooker. I deserve that." Pause. "Are there hookers on this island?"

"Not anymore. And I was kidding." he said. Jeez, some people couldn't take a joke.

Dammit, not lately!

"What about transvestites? You could have yourself one of those."

Snickers.

"Why would I want one of those?" he asked. "I'd rather have the hooker."

"Might make you feel better about yourself -- you could always say later that you never actually had a hooker." Hookers were gross.

Only most hookers were gross. The expensive ones were awesome. Like Julia Roberts in that one movie.

"I feel perfectly fine about myself." he said. "Anyways, if I was with a hooker I wouldn't have a problem admitting it. Unless it was to the cops. Then I wouldn't admit it."

Annette leaned over and whispered, trying to be helpful but clearly not understanding the whole hooker process. But she has watched lots of Cops on TV. "You could get a disease."

"I know that." Dick whispered back.

"But you could...die." Still whispering.

Annette really needed to get out of New England and visit Southern California sometime.

"I know that. I took health class." he said. He was trying not to laugh now.

"To die from a disease down," she waved her hand in a general direction, "there, would just invite certain responses at your funeral."

"What would I care? I'd be dead." He was just screwing with her now.

Annette blinked. "But your memory would remain. Think of your headstone, Dick."

"If me dying of an STD is the only thing people would remember about me then I got away lucky." he said, laughing. "And I doubt my dad would let anyone put anything bad on my headstone."

"The irony Dick, think about it!" she whispered. "Here lies Dick Casablancas, a favored son whose name finally got the better of him."

"I think even if I didn't get this hypothetical STD that would still be on my tombstone." he said honestly. "And why are we talking about this again? I'm not getting a hooker. If I was, I'd check her credentials and make sure she's clean."

She shrugged her shoulders and looked embarrassed. "I got carried away with the hypotheticalness of it all." Actually she had been amusing herself.

"Me too. My hypothetical hooker probably doesn't exist anyways." he said. Who's seen a clean hooker?

Annette said clearly without thought, "I could play your hooker."

Dick burst out laughing, more out of surprise than of actual funniness. "What did you just say?"

"Um," she looked a little disturbed. "Your hypothetical hooker? I could play her... if you want?" Um.

"And how would you play her, dare I ask?" Dick said.

She looked around, leaned even closer, and whispered super softly, "I guess I would try and look slutty and lean over onto your fake car window. Probably ask what your flavor is." She thinks she heard that on Cops once.

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