fandomhigh | Love Smart: Period 2, Week 2

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love smart

Love Smart: Period 2, Week 2

Barney leaned against the whiteboard while the students took their seats. “So. Relationships. Whatever. Today we’re going to focus on the getting part of the relationship for the benefit of those of you who need a hook-up or who wish to trade up,” he announced with a grin. Yeah, he listened to the radio. It was great entertainment.

“For those of you who missed my legendary summer workshop, How to Be Awesome, here is a list of pick up lines to try on your own time. I also have video of your classmates' greatest hits in my office should you need a visual reference. Keep in mind these pick up lines were designed with the hot and dirty in mind. Not the deeply emotional relationships you teens seem intent on having." That last bit might have been sarcastic and accompanied by wide, grossed-out eyes.

"Now that that bit of business is taken care of, let's discuss how and why we choose our significant others."

"Couples: Why did you select your partner as 'The One' for you? Was it for their looks? Because hell yeah, you want someone you can stand to stare at for days on end. Was it for their money? Because of... feelings?" He looked at them sadly, because really, they should be out there having meaningless sex. It was a tragedy.

Focusing in on those lucky enough to be without an SO, Barney addressed the class ~~studs~~ loners. "Singles: How and where do you find a mate? Any alternatives to finding 'The One'? Let's discuss!"

[ooc: ~~Wait for~~ OCD is up! The questions are open to all for reply and discussion! Go Swarley!]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"To die from a disease down," she waved her hand in a general direction, "there, would just invite certain responses at your funeral."

"What would I care? I'd be dead." He was just screwing with her now.

Annette blinked. "But your memory would remain. Think of your headstone, Dick."

"If me dying of an STD is the only thing people would remember about me then I got away lucky." he said, laughing. "And I doubt my dad would let anyone put anything bad on my headstone."

"The irony Dick, think about it!" she whispered. "Here lies Dick Casablancas, a favored son whose name finally got the better of him."

"I think even if I didn't get this hypothetical STD that would still be on my tombstone." he said honestly. "And why are we talking about this again? I'm not getting a hooker. If I was, I'd check her credentials and make sure she's clean."

She shrugged her shoulders and looked embarrassed. "I got carried away with the hypotheticalness of it all." Actually she had been amusing herself.

"Me too. My hypothetical hooker probably doesn't exist anyways." he said. Who's seen a clean hooker?

Annette said clearly without thought, "I could play your hooker."

Dick burst out laughing, more out of surprise than of actual funniness. "What did you just say?"

"Um," she looked a little disturbed. "Your hypothetical hooker? I could play her... if you want?" Um.

"And how would you play her, dare I ask?" Dick said.

She looked around, leaned even closer, and whispered super softly, "I guess I would try and look slutty and lean over onto your fake car window. Probably ask what your flavor is." She thinks she heard that on Cops once.

He covered his mouth to keep from giggling. "Do you even know what that question means?" Though the whole slutty thing was something Dick wouldn't say no to.

"Well, I imagine the hooker and her client might go for drinks first before they get down to the nitty gritty of the hooker transaction."

"Really?" Dick said, not bothering to hide his amusement. "You'd be a pretty expensive hooker."

She looked surprised and didn't get it. "Why?"

"Well, and this isn't from personal experience, you usually don't have to buy hookers drinks. That's why they're hookers. Cause they just do their business and go." he said. He shook his head. "You don't want to be a hooker."

Still wanted the slutty clothes though.

"Well, of course I don't want to be a hooker," she rolled her eyes and giggled. "I'd be your hypothetical hooker." She looked thoughtful for a minute. "I thought drinks were part of the deal. The hooker gets in the car, they leave..." she had to guess here cause the cops usually stopped the car. "...have a few drinks and find a place to, you know. I figured two people who didn't know each other would need to loosen up first."

"Drinks are definitely not part of the deal. Dudes get hookers so they don't have to take them out and stuff." Dick said. "I mean, I guess if a guy can't really pick up chicks then they can get a hooker and pretend it's their girlfriend and take them out or something."

"Then you just kind of wonder about these sorts of guys, don't you? On one hand they might just be pervs, on the other, they might just be lonely and don't mean to get an STD, they just do and die from it and everyone's like, 'Aww, poor guy. Who would have ever thought he'd be the hooker sort?'" Annette nodded. Her logic was sound. "I guess that just goes to show how convincing hookers can be." Like she knew.

"You know, there are people who survive from STD's." he said, grinning. "Look at Paris Hilton, I'm pretty sure she has herpes and she's still kicking."

"Yeah, you're right. I guess it's just easier imagining people on the streets dying."

Change of subject. "Dick?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm taking myself to the doctor today."

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