fandomhigh | Library [09/03]

"I'm sorry. I didn't know," Sam said again. "But you can't just discount having faith because of what happened to Mom. You and I got out alive. Maybe there was something watching over us."

"Yeah, Dad was," Dean said. He shook his head. "If there is a god, then he let Mom burn. He lets all the horrible evil roam and destroy lives at will while he just sits and watches? That's not exactly someone I want to believe in."

"I don't think it works like that," Sam said. "I mean, there can't just be evil out there. There has to be something or someone good to balance it all out. And I can't explain why a benevolent god would have let Mom die, but he let you come out of that portal safe and sound."

Dean gave Sammy a sharp look, putting that together with the time frame his brother had mentioned in class. "That's when you started praying? When I disappeared?"

Sam nodded slowly. "The day after you disappeared was the first time I really sat down and consciously prayed. I prayed that you'd be all right, and that we'd get you out. And then after a while, I started praying for Dad too, to make sure that he'd stay safe. After that, it just kind of became an everyday thing for me. And it's worked, because you're both here and you're both still fine."

"And you think the praying helped?" Dean asked quietly.

"Yeah, I do," Sam replied. "I just can't believe that there isn't some higher power out there watching over us, because if all there is is evil, then what's the point?"

It was something Dean thought about when he was feeling particularly depressed, but he'd never been quite able to bring himself to believe.

He sighed. "I wish I had your... hope, Sammy."

Sam sighed as well, giving Dean a sympathetic look. "I wish you did too. But I guess I kind of understand why you don't."

"Yeah." Dean shook himself, trying to get rid of the wistful melancholy that was trying to settle on him. "Hey, who knows? Maybe this class will change my mind. Something for you to shoot for, Mr. TA."

That got a small smile out of Sam. "That's a pretty lofty goal. Maybe I should just focus on making sure you get a good grade."

"Hey, I may not be a geek like you, but I always get a good grade," Dean said with a smirk.

"Well, then hopefully you'll get a good grade like me too," Sam said.

"So what other classes did you end up taking, geekboy?"

"Alternative Tactics, Communication, and Love Smart," Sam listed. "I'm taking that last one with Dawn."

Dean snorted. "I should've guessed you'd end up taking a course on relationships."

"You say that like it's a bad thing."

"All you need to do is follow your heart and your gut," Dean said. "It's not that complicated."

"Maybe being in a relationship isn't complicated for you, but it is for me," Sam said.

"That's because you think too much."

"I do not," Sam protested. "You think that any kind of thinking before I act is too much, but it's not."

"Dude, you think before you act so much that half the time you end up not acting at all."

"And sometimes, inaction is the better option to take," Sam replied. "You know, I don't have all of the experience that you have. I don't just automatically know what to do with Dawn all the time like you would."

"See, this is where I have more confidence in you than you have in yourself," Dean told him. "You know what to do, Sammy. You just don't trust yourself."

"I could still screw up badly and lose Dawn," he argued. "Even now, after almost a year."

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