fandomhigh | School Assembly, Friday afternoon, The Auditorium

Entry tags:

!event: assembly

School Assembly, Friday afternoon, The Auditorium

Before the assembly, The Tick used the same mysterious process that chooses students for the detention lottery for another purpose.

He had written a play. Destiny told him that all the world was a stage and he was but a player, meaning that he was playing the part of someone that got people to play parts that he created. It was very meta.

Anyway, the curtains opened to start the assembly. It was time for The Tick's first play: A Time for Bagpipes.

[OOC: Cast, please handwave getting roped into this as a result of the announcements this morning. It may be a good idea to look at the plottery post to see what I told different people just so you can be better prepared.

Again, I'm very sorry about the last minuteness and the general WTFery of this. Feel free to go nuts, though. This is a play by The Tick that you had at best a couple hours to look over. Things need not make sense have fun. And thank you for volunteering and attempting to make this work!

Oh, and people in the later acts, don't feel obliged to wait for people in earlier acts. Jump in whenever.]

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John waggled a finger at Dawn. "You're not dating till you're your mother's age! And that's means not until your OLD!"

Dawn pouted. "There's nobody good to date around here anyway."

"Which is as it should be! You're far too young to date," Katara said. "You should get married and have babies instead."

"Yeah," John said in agreement. "Your mother and I want grandchildren! At least twenty. You'll have to start eating a lot. Your hips will never fit a child like that."

First thing Dawn did was to twist around and try to look at her own rear end. "My hips will bear just as many children as I want them to, and not one more. But probably not any, because my love for the bagpipes overcomes all."

Katara smoothed down her costume over her hips. "My hips are not big! And, Daughter, you can call it a bagpipe if you want to. Thankfully most don't make that horrid noise though."

"I like big butts and I can not lie. You other brothers can't deny," John said perfectly calmly. "Baby got back!"

"Why husband, you say the sweetest things."

And that's when John did the moonwalk. "See, dearest wife, I'm doing our mating dance!"

Dawn hid behind the tractor. "Don't mind me! Nobody here but us tractors!"

"Daughter, come out and face your loving parents," John called. "We just want what's best for you."

"How is seeing you doing your mating dance what's best for me?" She yelled back.

"Because that's how you learn what to do!" John said. "For when you find a man...in several decades."

"I don't want to find a man!"

"You can't have a cow!"

"Cows are your weird thing, not mine!" She hollered back, followed by a clod of dirt.

John stared. "Did you just throw dirt at your father?"

"Shouldn't you be asking my mother that?"

"She's not your mother!"

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAT?" Katara lifted her shovel threateningly. "I AM SO!"

"I'm just kidding, wife!" John said, holding up his hands. "Our daughter wants to marry a ferret! I'm trying to scare her straight!"

"I DON'T WANT TO MARRY A FERRET!," Dawn shouted, then said in an almost-mumble, "Ferrets have no respect for the ancient art of the bagpipes!"

Katara shook her head. "I don't know where we went wrong. Bagpipes, daughter? It couldn't be a nice flute?"

"Stop talking back to your mother," John said. "You'll marry who we choose or you'll spend a lifetime cleaning your mother's toes!"

"Aww, sweetie, I thought you liked cleaning my toes," Katara said.

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