fandomhigh | School Assembly, Friday afternoon, The Auditorium

Before the assembly, The Tick used the same mysterious process that chooses students for the detention lottery for another purpose.

He had written a play. Destiny told him that all the world was a stage and he was but a player, meaning that he was playing the part of someone that got people to play parts that he created. It was very meta.

Anyway, the curtains opened to start the assembly. It was time for The Tick's first play: A Time for Bagpipes.

[OOC: Cast, please handwave getting roped into this as a result of the announcements this morning. It may be a good idea to look at the plottery post to see what I told different people just so you can be better prepared.

Again, I'm very sorry about the last minuteness and the general WTFery of this. Feel free to go nuts, though. This is a play by The Tick that you had at best a couple hours to look over. Things need not make sense have fun. And thank you for volunteering and attempting to make this work!

Oh, and people in the later acts, don't feel obliged to wait for people in earlier acts. Jump in whenever.]

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"Daughter, come out and face your loving parents," John called. "We just want what's best for you."

"How is seeing you doing your mating dance what's best for me?" She yelled back.

"Because that's how you learn what to do!" John said. "For when you find a man...in several decades."

"I don't want to find a man!"

"You can't have a cow!"

"Cows are your weird thing, not mine!" She hollered back, followed by a clod of dirt.

John stared. "Did you just throw dirt at your father?"

"Shouldn't you be asking my mother that?"

"She's not your mother!"

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAT?" Katara lifted her shovel threateningly. "I AM SO!"

"I'm just kidding, wife!" John said, holding up his hands. "Our daughter wants to marry a ferret! I'm trying to scare her straight!"

"I DON'T WANT TO MARRY A FERRET!," Dawn shouted, then said in an almost-mumble, "Ferrets have no respect for the ancient art of the bagpipes!"

Katara shook her head. "I don't know where we went wrong. Bagpipes, daughter? It couldn't be a nice flute?"

"Stop talking back to your mother," John said. "You'll marry who we choose or you'll spend a lifetime cleaning your mother's toes!"

"Aww, sweetie, I thought you liked cleaning my toes," Katara said.

"They gave gunk in between them," John said, making a face. "You need to shower more often than once a week."

"At least I don't sleep with cows!"

"No, you sleep with hot dogs!" John accused. "Honestly, do you know how greasy our bed gets because of all the hot dogs you take to our bed?"

Katara gasped. "If you didn't leave me for your cow prom, I wouldn't need to!"

"I WANT A DIVORCE!"

"No divorce!" Dawn started "bawling" from behind the tractor.

"Of course we won't get a divorce," Katara said, rushing over to comfort Dawn and glaring at John. "Your father's just being an idiot as usual."

"You think I love a cow!" John exclaimed. "I don't have to listen to my wide hipped wife make fun of me!"

Katara turned mid-rush. "You said you loved the cow more than me! You said I was behind her in your affections!" She swung the shovel at John, meaning to actually hit him. "AND I AM NOT WIDE-HIPPED!"