fandomhigh | Win Friends, Etc. [7/18]

Zack Addy
Belthazor
Cordelia Chase
John Crichton
Timothy Desmond
Tyler Durden
Draco Malfoy
Peter Pevensie
Blair Sandburg
Greg Sanders
Ranma Saotome
Shiro
Aeryn Sun
Elizabeth Weir

Another sharp whistle is heard as Dr. Cox marches into the room glaring at anyone who might be out of their seats.

"Listen up newbies. Apparently there's this [airquote] ritual [/airquote] where all the students have to stand up and introduce themseves and blah blah blah blah that needs to be done for the beginning of each class. Quite frankly listening to you people blather is like the sound of the teacher makes on the cartoon Christmas special where the round headed kid buys a crappy looking tree and gets the crap kicked out of him by the rest of the students for being so damn cheap."

Cox takes a long gasp of air. "So. Yeah. Introduce yourselves, not that it's really important because I haven't really learned your names and probably never will."

After introductions are made...

"Okay noobs. Let's talk bribery. Bribery is the action where someone gives you something that you want in order to force you to do something you *don't* want to do. This is the weapon of the enemy and can be very hard to resist. How do you stop it you ask? Well there are three methods which I will demonstrate."

Method One: Don't Give a Rat's Ass.
Dr. Cox pulls out a puppet that resembles the middle age man from last week.

Bob-Puppet: Hey Perry. My car could use a nice new coat of shiny wax on it. Send down a couple of interns to take care of it and I'll give you a shiny nickel and the chance for a promotion.

Dr. Cox: Well geeee Bobbo, I really understand how important it is for the Prince of Darkness to have his pimpmobile looking all tricked out but quite frankly it's more important to have these babies learn how to save lives than learn how to buff. And if you don't like it allow me to drop my scrubs and bend over while you pucker up big boy.

Method Two: Pretend to consider the Bribe then insult the briber
Bob-Puppet: Gosh Perry, if that's your attitude then maybe we should give that promotion to Dr. Mickhead.

Dr. Cox begins to flake blubber.

Dr. Cox: Oh gosh Bob! No! Please! I need that promotion to feed my unquenchable Scotch drinking.

Bob-Puppet: Does that mean you'll do it?

Dr. Cox drops the act.

Dr. Cox: No. Ready for me to drop my pants yet? I hope you got got some lip balm there Bobbo because you're looking might chapped on those lips. Was there a board meeting today?

Method Three: Take the bribe and don't do it
Bob-Puppet: Well gosh Perry, that's a darn shame as I happen to have tickets to the all-star hockey game here. I'd hate for those tickets to go to waste.

Dr. Cox: Well let me take those tickets off your hands there Bobbo and I'll see what I can do.

Bob-Puppet: Well Dr. Cox... It's nice to see you finally cave in on something. Quite frankly I thought you had some kind of ethics in you but it's nice to see that even you can be bought.

Dr. Cox gives the puppet a fake smile as he makes the Bob-puppet "walk away". He brings up his other hand which has a puppet which appears to be two characters sewn together at the hip. One character is a white guy in blue scrubs with funny hair and the other is an African American with a bald head and huge mole on his face. The puppet is holding a can of turtle wax.

JD/Turk-Puppet: Hey Dr. Cox! We're ready to wax Dr. Kelso's car.

Dr. Cox: So help me *GOD* newbies, if you lay one puppet finger on that car I'll make sure you take care of every impacted colon on the second and third floor the day after Thanksgiving, understand?

JD/Turk-Puppet: Eep!

Dr. Cox turns to the students. "Today's exercise is to resist being bribed. Pick a partner and take turns being the briber and the bribee. Any of you clown-college rejects take a bribe and I'll throw you in detention."

[ooc: ~~Wait for the obligatory~~ OCD is up.]

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"Yes sir," John says meekly and starts to wonder if he has a problem with drugs. Of course, he doesn't remember doing drugs but he might still have a problem.

"Probably not," John says and laughs. "Should we try?"

Bel blinked. "Fantasy role playing games?" he repeated. "No, I really am...."

"Hey," Bel said. "Want to give this a try?"

Draco Malfoy

"Sure," Zack nodded. "Do you want to be the briber or bribee to start?"

"It would take up some time," she nods.

"Yep." He grins and says, "Try to bribe me."

"We can go to the junkyard tonight if you get rid of the frelling toaster."

Dr. Cox gently takes Bel by the shoulders and puts on a face of concern. "Belly? Listen. It's time to wake up from this fantasy world. Sure you're all handsome and trim now but eventually when your hairline recedes, you gain some love handles this whole demon gag isn't going to work with the ladies and all you'll have to show for it is your complete set of Space Battle action figures and a fake translation of the Iliad into Mak'tar. I worry about you. I really do."

Then Cox begins to laugh. "Oh who the hell am I kidding? I could care less. Enjoy the convention in Provo."

"Well listen to that cricket the blue fairy appointed as your conscience, Betty and maybe some day you'll get to be a real boy," Dr. Cox said in a patronizing fashion.

John chokes. "Um...what?" He doesn't remember being dense as a method of ignoring a bribe but he figures he'll try it.

I'm sensing a slight unconscious obsession. *g*

"You heard me."

Aeryn doesn't really like this method of bribery. But she really hates the toaster.

I'm thinking it has something to do with the lack of muppets here at FH.

Someone should apply as The Count to teach Math next semester.

John regains his control and says, "Well, the toaster has been a little frisky lately..."

Aeryn raises her eyebrows.

"And the junkyard would be fun," John says slowly, pretending to consider this.

"There might even be ways to make it more fun," she adds.

Peter Pevensie

"I'm Draco Malfoy and yes that is my real name. I'm from England and I can't wait to get back to the dorms because the whole living in a cabin with people thing doesn't really suit me." says Draco.

Okay, dammit, this isn't fair.

"...Hahaha, joke's on you, the toaster stays." Except, he looks horribly upset at saying that.

Draco looks around for a partner. This shouldn't be too hard. His father bribes people all the time.

"Another time, maybe," she shrugs.

"My name's Peter Pevensie," Peter said, figuring any further information was useless.

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Win Friends, Etc. [7/18] - Tuesday Afternoon

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