fandomhigh | Retail 101, Monday morning, All and Sundries

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Retail 101, Monday morning, All and Sundries

The shop is closed for the duration of the workshop and Edmund has assumed without checking that the students would have figured out that they would be going to a retail establishment for a course titled Retail 101.

If they didn't? Well, he's in a good mood, perhaps he'll consider detention rather than making students hose Baldrick down and scrub him off with a broom. Clothed of course - even Edmund wasn't so cruel as to expect anyone to see Baldrick sans trousers.

"My name," he said, "is Edmund Blackadder the Third. This workshop is Retail 101: The Tongue is Mightier than the Sword. If you are not here for this workshop, now would be the time for you to piss off."

Edmund waited for any potential off pissing before continuing. "The key to retail is interacting with customers. But none of this touchy feely 21st century 'the customer is always right' rot. The customer is not only not always right - the customer is quite often completely wrong and stupid as well.

"This workshop is to teach you to deal with those customers without losing your mind - how to put them in their places, how to amuse yourself when you cannot, and how, upon occasion, to do the appropriate kowtowing for a well-heeled, or well-armed client.

"Today, I will be assessing your current skill level. I want each of you to pair up with another student." Edmund smiled the sort of smile you might expect to see in a dark alley on the wrong side of something shiny and very, very sharp. "As we have an odd number of students on the roster, one of you lucky souls will get to pair up with me.

"You will each take a turn behind the register as Clerk, while the other student takes a turn as Customer. Customer, your job is to attempt to pay for your purchase with these," he held up a stack of poker chips. "Clerk, your job is to explain, in whatever manner you find appropriate, that All and Sundries only accepts valid currency."

Edmund stood up and moved aside to allow the first pair to take their turn. "While you are waiting your turn, feel free to get some practice in, chat up the student of the gender of your preference, or familiarize yourself with the store's inventory - there will be a test."

[ooc: No, Edmund won't actually make anyone bathe Baldrick, although volunteers would never be turned away.]

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Blair placed a candy bar on the counter. "Hello person I don't know! I'd like to buy this product."

"Hello, person who is also a stranger to me," Willow replied. "This is a very good day for you because I would like to sell you this product, for I am a clerk and must fulfill my clerkish destiny."

"Right on, man. Destiny must be fulfilled, even if it means that you have to work for The Man to do so." Blair jingled his pockets and the sound of poker chips could be heard. "Let's get on with the exhanging of goods and money, shall we? I've got an important day of consumerism ahead of me."

"By all means," Willow replied. "How would you like to pay for your purchase of this fine candy? Also would you like paper or plastic, though I'm not totally sure if that's a question for someone of my job description or if I've just been very mean and taken poor Mr. Baldrick's job."

"I think that I need neither paper nor plastic for my purchase since my rampant consumerism also makes me greedy and impatient. I think I will be unable to control myself and probably eat this candy bar on the spot directly after purchasing." Blair dug into his pocket and withdrew a handful of poker chips. "I've chosen these small colorful discs to give you today. Would you like red, green or white?"

"Normally I would like all three, because those are Italian colors and I've recently proven myself very adept at picking winning football teams," Willow said. "But unfortunately I'm not allowed to take those in exchange for candy. Do you have something in more of a money shape?"

"Viva Italia!" Blair smiled. "In fact, because of the recent football win, today has been declared Italy day and all the world's money has been changed to these festive and represenative colors. You are in the midst of making history, Clerk! You don't want to stand in the way of history, do you?"

"It has?" Willow asked. "Really? I didn't see anything about that in the papers."

"Did you watch CNN this morning?"

"No," Willow said, looking disappointed. "Because I had to come to class. Um. By which I mean work. Which is here. Where I clerk things."

"Well I can't help it if this store has clerks that are uninformed about recent celebratory monetary changes." Blair sniffed haughtily. "I'll just give you one of each color and be on my way with my candy bar then."

Willow thought quickly. "Oh! But, see, thing is? We're an independant franchise. So I don't think we participate in those special occasions. We didn't give out the beanie babies with each purchase either, when that was the thing."

[ooc: must get ready to work for the man m'self, replies shall get slower but I'll still be around]

"Ha!" Blair shook his head. "You're not all that independant. You use government sanctioned money and pay taxes, don't you? Today this is the money that the government approves. If I went to any of the other stores here on the island, they would accept my money gladly."

[ooc:Damn the Man! Er...I mean, have a good day at work!]

"Ah, but would they have this delicious candy?" Willow replied. "I think not. Well, except maybe Wonka's, but I don't think he sells this brand."

"That's why I'm purchasing the candy at your fine establishment." Blair nodded. "I've always been impressed by the clerks here and their intelligence and..um..beauty."

"I'm kinda seeing somebody," Willow said, apologetically. "But thank you."

Blair blushed and thrust real money from his pockets across the counter. "Uh...I'll just pay for it the regular way."

"Yay!" Willow smiled as she took the money. "Thank you, come again!"

"Good job, Willow." Blair laughed and handed her the candy bar. "I think you deserve chocolate for not losing your clerky cool."

"Good job on you too," Willow said. "If this wasn't an assignment I totally would've fallen for the Italy thing."

"I'll have to remember that. Willows are less gullible when it involves schoolwork. Time to switch?" Blair headed around the counter.

"Willows are less gullible when they've been told in advance that things are not true," Willow replied, which was very sadly not incorrect. She switched places with Blair. "Ready?"

"Ready." Blair nodded and grinned. "Welcome, customer, how can I help you today?"

"Hello, clerk whom I've never met before," Willow said. "I would like to provide this candy bar with a good and loving home."

"That's very kind of you, as this candy bar has been looking neglected as of late." Blair mimed scanning the candy bar's bar code. "That'll be 3 dollars, customer. Shall I wrap this up for you?"

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