fandomhigh | Retail 101, Monday morning, All and Sundries

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Retail 101, Monday morning, All and Sundries

The shop is closed for the duration of the workshop and Edmund has assumed without checking that the students would have figured out that they would be going to a retail establishment for a course titled Retail 101.

If they didn't? Well, he's in a good mood, perhaps he'll consider detention rather than making students hose Baldrick down and scrub him off with a broom. Clothed of course - even Edmund wasn't so cruel as to expect anyone to see Baldrick sans trousers.

"My name," he said, "is Edmund Blackadder the Third. This workshop is Retail 101: The Tongue is Mightier than the Sword. If you are not here for this workshop, now would be the time for you to piss off."

Edmund waited for any potential off pissing before continuing. "The key to retail is interacting with customers. But none of this touchy feely 21st century 'the customer is always right' rot. The customer is not only not always right - the customer is quite often completely wrong and stupid as well.

"This workshop is to teach you to deal with those customers without losing your mind - how to put them in their places, how to amuse yourself when you cannot, and how, upon occasion, to do the appropriate kowtowing for a well-heeled, or well-armed client.

"Today, I will be assessing your current skill level. I want each of you to pair up with another student." Edmund smiled the sort of smile you might expect to see in a dark alley on the wrong side of something shiny and very, very sharp. "As we have an odd number of students on the roster, one of you lucky souls will get to pair up with me.

"You will each take a turn behind the register as Clerk, while the other student takes a turn as Customer. Customer, your job is to attempt to pay for your purchase with these," he held up a stack of poker chips. "Clerk, your job is to explain, in whatever manner you find appropriate, that All and Sundries only accepts valid currency."

Edmund stood up and moved aside to allow the first pair to take their turn. "While you are waiting your turn, feel free to get some practice in, chat up the student of the gender of your preference, or familiarize yourself with the store's inventory - there will be a test."

[ooc: No, Edmund won't actually make anyone bathe Baldrick, although volunteers would never be turned away.]

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"Viva Italia!" Blair smiled. "In fact, because of the recent football win, today has been declared Italy day and all the world's money has been changed to these festive and represenative colors. You are in the midst of making history, Clerk! You don't want to stand in the way of history, do you?"

"It has?" Willow asked. "Really? I didn't see anything about that in the papers."

"Did you watch CNN this morning?"

"No," Willow said, looking disappointed. "Because I had to come to class. Um. By which I mean work. Which is here. Where I clerk things."

"Well I can't help it if this store has clerks that are uninformed about recent celebratory monetary changes." Blair sniffed haughtily. "I'll just give you one of each color and be on my way with my candy bar then."

Willow thought quickly. "Oh! But, see, thing is? We're an independant franchise. So I don't think we participate in those special occasions. We didn't give out the beanie babies with each purchase either, when that was the thing."

[ooc: must get ready to work for the man m'self, replies shall get slower but I'll still be around]

"Ha!" Blair shook his head. "You're not all that independant. You use government sanctioned money and pay taxes, don't you? Today this is the money that the government approves. If I went to any of the other stores here on the island, they would accept my money gladly."

[ooc:Damn the Man! Er...I mean, have a good day at work!]

"Ah, but would they have this delicious candy?" Willow replied. "I think not. Well, except maybe Wonka's, but I don't think he sells this brand."

"That's why I'm purchasing the candy at your fine establishment." Blair nodded. "I've always been impressed by the clerks here and their intelligence and..um..beauty."

"I'm kinda seeing somebody," Willow said, apologetically. "But thank you."

Blair blushed and thrust real money from his pockets across the counter. "Uh...I'll just pay for it the regular way."

"Yay!" Willow smiled as she took the money. "Thank you, come again!"

"Good job, Willow." Blair laughed and handed her the candy bar. "I think you deserve chocolate for not losing your clerky cool."

"Good job on you too," Willow said. "If this wasn't an assignment I totally would've fallen for the Italy thing."

"I'll have to remember that. Willows are less gullible when it involves schoolwork. Time to switch?" Blair headed around the counter.

"Willows are less gullible when they've been told in advance that things are not true," Willow replied, which was very sadly not incorrect. She switched places with Blair. "Ready?"

"Ready." Blair nodded and grinned. "Welcome, customer, how can I help you today?"

"Hello, clerk whom I've never met before," Willow said. "I would like to provide this candy bar with a good and loving home."

"That's very kind of you, as this candy bar has been looking neglected as of late." Blair mimed scanning the candy bar's bar code. "That'll be 3 dollars, customer. Shall I wrap this up for you?"

"No thank you," Willow said. "I shall carry it, so as to make it feel immediately loved and welcomed in my family. Three dollars you say? Here you go, exact change."

She tried to hand him the poker chips.

"This candy bar is lucky to have someone care for it so deeply. I'm sure it will never fall into a life of crime as unbought candy bars sometimes do." Blair shook his head sadly.

"But I'm afraid I can't accept those funds at this time. Our poker chip money exchange machine broke this very morning. I'm afraid you'll have to pay with U.S. funds."

"Oh no!" Willow said, looking upset. "The poker chips are all I have! Please, can't you make an exception?"

"Sur-uh. No. No exceptions, I'm sorry." Blair looked around and leaned across the counter to whisper. "See, it's like this. I don't mind the poker chips myself, but my boss would fire me if he found out. I've got mouths to feed at home and my little fis-uh...children won't be able to survive if I don't keep this job."

"I wouldn't want to starve your kids," Willow said. "Oh! What if I split the candy bar with you? Then they'd have something to eat."

"My kids can't eat candy. Allergic." Blair shook his head. "It's tragic, really. I have to buy them special food that's very expensive. Which is why I need to keep my job here. So...three dollars, please?"

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