fandomhigh | Sexual Education [05/25]

"Hey," Becky said once everyone had arrived at the main campfire, where she had dragged out tables. "This is Sex Ed. I'm Becky. No, don't call me Ms. Vartan. Call me Becky, or enjoy detention."

"Anyway. Like I said, this is Sex Ed. Guess what we learn about here?" She grinned. "I have some basic rules....well, okay, really, I only have one. Don't get on my nerves. What that means is...something you're just going to have to find out on your own."

Her smile widened. "So. First order of business is that I'd like you guys to fill out the little info on those sheets," she said, gesturing to a stack of papers. "'Course, you can choose to leave fields blank. I don't care. Just trying to get a feel for who I'm working with. Once you're done with that, we're going to do a practical lesson. You're going to be in groups of two today, and one group of three."

She read off the list. "Pippi and Miles, Peter and Paige, James and Phillip, Walter and Jack, D'anna and Dean, and Cedric, Tyler and Alec. Get behind a table with your partners. If I said your name wrong or you prefer something else, I really don't care but you can tell me anyway, I guess."

Becky strode over to a table, upon which were five elongated balloons (the sort used to make balloon animals) filled with...something. The something was made quite obvious as Becky picked up a can of whipped cream and sprayed it into the balloon. She stopped and tied off the balloon so that it was about seven inches long, and filled with enough whipped cream that it was taut, just like the other five balloons.

"Our activity for today," she said as she walked around and set a balloon and a foil-wrapped Trojan Magnum (lubricated and ribbed, for her pleasure!) on each table, "is to get the condom on the balloon. Which seems easy, right? Except that there's been a tiny hole pricked in each balloon, in the...head, as it were." Becky snickered. "If you're not gentle, you'll get whipped cream everywhere. Once the condom is on, you can test to make sure you did it right by squeezing the balloon, which is really just like a male climax, though whipped cream frankly tastes a hell of a lot better."

She raised a brow as she distributed the last balloon and condom. "Was that TMI? Whoops. Get used to it. Because I really could care less."

[ooc: ~~First of all, wait for my OCD threads.~~ OCD is up! Play away! Secondly, needless to say, this workshop might not be the safest for work. :)

Note on the balloons: they're...to scale. Average size you would expect. And they're filled with enough whipped cream that they're soft but taut enough that they won't, um, lose shape, so to speak. Feel free to mod them as necessary, but keep that pinprick in mind!]

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Jack snickered. "Fair enough. I'll try and restrain myself." He watched Walter trying to read the wrapper. "The instructions are pretty much the same for every brand."

"Vampires don't need prophylactics," Walter muttered as he tore the package open.

Jack blinked. "Okay then." He wasn't going to ask. He definitely was not going to ask. "Vampires?" Except maybe he was. "Never mind," he said hurriedly. "Forget I asked. It's easy, I'll talk you through it."

"There's this vampire back home," Walter said by way of very incomplete explantion. He shrugged and pulled out the condom, pinching the tip to get the air out of it as the instructions specified.

"How hard can it be?" Okay, that called for a snicker. "Forget I asked."

Jack nodded and let the question of vampires completely slide. As for the other..."Oh, I'm not touching that." He snickered again. "Not if we want to get through this with our little ballon's self-control intact." He held it out, angling it to give Walter better access.

"You're already touching it, that's the point, I think." At this point, the challenge was going to be getting through it without snickering too much.

"Do be careful about not ending this prematurely." He slid the condom onto the tip of the balloon and shook his head. "This isn't exactly like the real thing."

"Don't worry. I've had a lot of experience not ending things prematurely," Jack said innocently. "And it really isn't. I'm not sure if this sex-ed or just cheap entertainment for the teacher."

"I'd say the latter."

Walter made a face at the balloon as cream started leaking from the hole in the tip and squeezing out under the condom.

"I don't suppose telling it to think of football statistics is going to help?"

"At this point I don't think anything is going to help. Poor little thing." Jack made a sad face. "Ah well, a brief moment of excitement for it, and then it's all over." He shook his head regretuflly. "My reputation will be ruined if this gets out."

"My reputation's already a bit of a mess. I'll keep quiet about our little prematurity problem if you do."

Walter hadn't given up on the condom yet, though, and his tongue poked out of the corner of his mouth as he slowly rolled the condom down the balloon and finally drew back to lick the cream off his fingers.

"It'll be our secret." Jack looked down at the condom-clad balloon and nodded in satisfaction. "Nice job."

He smirked as Walter licked his fingers clean, but exercised supreme self-control and didn't offer to do it for him. "We make a good team. And if I ever have occasion to put a condom on a cream filled balloon, I'll now be able to approach it with gusto and confidence." He gave the balloon an experimental squeeze, grimacing as cream squeezed out of the tip to ooze down the inside of the condom. "And more than a little fear."

Had Walter been aware of Jack's exercise of self-control, he would have been deeply grateful.

"Then I'm happy that I could have helped. I'll never look at balloons in quite the same way again." Which just lengthened the list of things he'd never look at the same way again since coming to Fandom.

"Thanks for your masterful balloon holding."

Even had Jack lacked the self-control, he would only have been teasing.

"Yeah, I think maybe the fun's gone out of balloons for awhile. And whip cream," he added. "Thank you for your masterful melding of condom to balloon." He placed it carefully down on the table. "I wonder what she's going to have for us next week."

And Walter would have been deeply regretful in saying no, even to teasing.

"Hopefully not the female version of this. Is there a female version of this? I'm not quite up on all the modern options."

"There are female versions available. But what would she use?" Even Jack's brain was breaking a bit as he tried to work out the possibilities. "You know, I honestly have no idea."

Having been responsible for taking care of an reprobate like Arthur Hellsing, Walter's brain wasn't breaking.

He pushed thoughts of alternative uses for melons aside and held a hand out for Jack. "Pleasure to meet you, Jack. Next week should be interesting."

"And you, Walter." Jack accepted his hand with a grin. "I'm beginning to think that interesting is really the only appropriate word."

Sexual Education [05/25] - Thursday Afternoon

Re: Group 3: Walter Dornez & Jack Harkness

Re: Group 3: Walter Dornez & Jack Harkness

Re: Group 3: Walter Dornez & Jack Harkness

Re: Group 3: Walter Dornez & Jack Harkness

Re: Group 3: Walter Dornez & Jack Harkness

Re: Group 3: Walter Dornez & Jack Harkness

Re: Group 3: Walter Dornez & Jack Harkness

Re: Group 3: Walter Dornez & Jack Harkness

Re: Group 3: Walter Dornez & Jack Harkness

Re: Group 3: Walter Dornez & Jack Harkness

Re: Group 3: Walter Dornez & Jack Harkness

Re: Group 3: Walter Dornez & Jack Harkness

Re: Group 3: Walter Dornez & Jack Harkness

Re: Group 3: Walter Dornez & Jack Harkness

Re: Group 3: Walter Dornez & Jack Harkness

Re: Group 3: Walter Dornez & Jack Harkness

Re: Group 3: Walter Dornez & Jack Harkness