fandomhigh | Summer Shenanigans, Wednesday, May 29, 2024

Was anyone looking slightly worried about the pantry ingredients and refrigerated chests Anakin had hauled out the park? Good. You should be worried. There were also three cooking stations set up, and three stacks of terrible, eye-searing shirts in front of Anakin.

Someone stop him from watching food competitions shows into the early hours, gang. "Today will be a cook off!" he announced far-too-loudly through the megaphone. "As always you will work in teams. Your teams will be divided into pairs and as that pair you will work on an appetizer, then tag in the next pair to complete a main dish, and finally your third team pair will make a dessert!"

That seemed too easy.

"You will be bound together like a three-legged race."

There we go.

"And while the food supplies are overwhelming in the choices available to you, the only equipment you have will be what you would find in a typical college freshman's dorm, or in the home of a recently divorced man. Listen for your names! Don't use your powers!"

TEAM CHEESE
Belle & Lana
Kamala & Miguel
Eleanor & Rey

TEAM SHRIMP
Stark & Boc
Steph & Liliana
Stewart & Raiden

TEAM HOT DOG
Lydia & Arden
Watts & Beaker
Vi & Don

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Oh, Ignis was feeling very grateful for all his proper stewardship training in this moment.

"A hot plate," he explained, with truly remarkable calm and ease, "is essentially a small, portable heating range, often individual, but not always. Very often used in situations where a full stovetop range would be quite impossible or absurd....on the road, during travel, in tight quarters or an an inexpensive way to procure such a source of cooking heat, assuming, of course, there is a source of electricity in which to plug the hot plate into. Honestly, a bit of a step up from the EZ Bake Oven mentioned in your message, darling, so already things are heading in a more positive direction.

"I assume," he then ventured, "you've found yourself caught up in the whirlwind of the Wednesday activities, haven't you?"

"I am going to rot Anakin Skywalker's hair off of his head," she declared savagely. So, yes, in fact.

"What protein goes with canned green beans? Especially that can be cooked in a microwave, or a hot plate or that...oven for children? We have an impressive array of ingredients, equipment that possibly came from a landfill, and thirty minutes. Go."

"First and foremost," Ignis said, "whatever you do end up doing, love, do not put the beans in the microwave in their original tin can. And before we proceed from that disclaimer, I must ask: does the can say anything about them being French cut?"

It was a very important distinction to make before he could continue, okay??

Liliana quietly took the green beans out of the microwave. "Of course I won't, my darling, why would I?"

Ahem.

"And yes? These are French cut."

...Was Ignis psychic and had just neglected to tell her all this time?

No, not psychic. Just very good at what he did. He had, after all, prophesy not-withstanding, managed to keep Noctic Lucis Caelum alive for as long as possible and taught even Shane 'Permanent Stain on the Ceiling' Gooseman how to actually feed himself. This would surely be the walk in the park that Liliana herself had been denied this fine afternoon.

"Mmmm," Ignis said, taking a moment to think about it, and then Liliana could no doubt practically hear the snap of his fingers. "That's it. I've come up with a recipeh, darling. Please tell me you have a pot, a pan, bacon, almonds, lemon, and butter?"

"A pot yes, a pan that you can fry a single egg in, and the other ingredients...likely? I haven't gone to the pantry yet, love, my leg is bound to my partner's and so we've elected not to move until we have to. Will this make an acceptable main course? I probably should have mentioned this is the main course."

She was going to tie Anakin Skywalker's intestines into knots.

"Well," there was a small sigh, but it was only a temporary set-back, Ignis very quickly adjusted, "what I had in mind is more of an accompaniment, but perhaps see if they have some steaks. Repurpose some of the bacon grease to fry those up, I'd think the only complaints would come from vegetarians."

"Oh and then serve the rest over the steak? Beloved, that is brilliant!" Liliana declared.

So brilliant she was out here using still new endearments out here in front of god and everybody.

"Or at least to the side of," Ignis said, the warmth of his smile easily making it through the phone, "though however anyone would like to have it, I suppose, would do. So, here is what I'm thinking..."

And then he continued on to explain his thoughts for a makeshift green beans almondine, with bacon, of course, and the steaks, with a particular moment of pride for the suggestion to use tge EZ Bake Oven to get a good toast on those almonds.

"Oh that is very clever, my darling," she said. "And seems likely to be a fast recipe as well. When I get home remind me to thank you for your...efficiency."

Summer Shenanigans, Wednesday, May 29, 2024

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