Adventures in Sheep Farming, Monday

[doesnotkneel]

"Right, so someone - a moose, I reckon - has played a filthy trick on us all."

No, Edward didn't have the slightest clue why anyone had set him up with this class. Or sent him a note asking him to report to the Danger Shop, where they currently were, and which looked suspiciously like the Hatherton countryside.

He loathed it.

"There's nothing worth learning about sheep farming," he said, "There certaintly ain't any adventure. It's a sad, poor life of toil and rickety walls meant to break a man down into a sad, mad shadow of himself."

Not that he had any feelings about it, or anything.

He cleared his throat.

"But since the island insists on trapping us here, let's walk to the barn and take a peek inside, aye? And then if any of you actually have dreams of farming, tell me so, so I may disabuse you of the very notion." Beat. "In fact, let's start by making you all smell the sheep, shall we?"

Comments

Re: Why Are You Here?

[x_discospider_x]

"I didn't think it would be actual sheep farming! I thought it would be a metaphor!" said Troy, who had taken more than enough classes at this school to know better and may have realized somewhere deep inside that this was still only the beginning of a long education filled with bafflingly literal and astonishingly specific courses.

Re: Why Are You Here?

[doesnotkneel]

Edward stared at him. "What could sheep farming possibly be a metaphor for? It's bloody sheep farming!"

Re: Why Are You Here?

[x_discospider_x]

"I don't know!" Troy protested helplessly. "That's why I had to take the class to find out!

"Which, by the way," he felt compelled to add, "didn't say anything about them bleeding, which is kind of unfair, because sheep farming is one thing, but now you're telling me there's blood involved, too?" He held up his hands, eyes wide as if dropping that concept like it was beyond hot. " That might be a bit much for me, man."

Re: Why Are You Here?

[doesnotkneel]

Edward stared at him.

"What are you talking about?" he said. "I've no intention of bleeding the bloody sheep."

Re: Why Are You Here?

[x_discospider_x]

"But that's what you said!" Troy countered "you said...'it's bloody," emphasis on the bloody, and also enjoy that oh-so-pitch-perfect, really, imitation of Edward's accent, "sheep farming!'"

It was first period on a Monday. Either everything was a metaphor, or nothing was.

"Like, blood stuff is legit against my religion, dude."

And so were birthday parties and alcohol, and yet....

Re: Why Are You Here?

[doesnotkneel]

Edward stared at him a bit longer.

"Bloody is a word for emphasis, mate," he said, "I don't mean literally bloody. Though how on Earth people of your religion survive if they cut themselves or even feed themselves I've no idea."

Re: Why Are You Here?

[x_discospider_x]

...if the cut was bad enough? Some of them didn't.

"I don't know, man," said Troy, " but if the sheep aren't actually bloody, then I think we'll be good."

Except for the whole actual sheep farming thing, but who knew? It could be fun! Sheep were..cool. Maybe?

Re: Why Are You Here?

[doesnotkneel]

"Only if you nick 'em while shearing," said Edward, who absolutely didn't want to teach anyone anything about sheep farming, but also kind of badly wanted to make everyone suffer through the tedium of sheep shearing.

He was a complicated pirate.