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fandomhigh2021-05-25 06:56 am
but_mostly_america) wrote in fandomhigh2021-05-25 06:56 am
Entry tags:
Sam Eagle Presents: A Salute To... [Tuesday, 5/25, 4th Period]
For the third week in a row, Sam was standing behind a podium and in front of an American flag. Was the flag larger than the week before? It might have been.
“The bird,” Sam began, precisely on time just like he had been the past 2 weeks, “is, of course, the pinnacle of animalkind. We are noble and impressive creatures! Which is why today, I, Sam Eagle, present A Salute to all Birds, but Mostly Bald Eagles! Except for penguins. Penguins are ridiculous. I work with penguins. I do not recommend them as colleagues!”
The Muppet penguins were, of course, ridiculous. They were Muppets not named Sam, after all. Only Sam was not ridiculous and how dare anyone, even in narrative, ever imply otherwise.
“Never trust a bird that swims better than it can fly,” Sam continued. “A bird that can soar! That is the bird you want to be!” Clearly all of Sam’s students wanted to be birds, right? Why wouldn’t they?
“Birds are meant for the sky! Birds that exist in the water are abnormal! They are weird! And as for birds that can only run...those are nearly as bad! Though I do not recommend angering the emu or the ostrich! Especially the emu. Australia is a dangerous place and its inhabitants can be unpredictable.”
“But enough about inferior birds! We should discuss more impressive winged creatures. From the California condor to the tiny yet industrious hummingbird! Those of us who fly through the air are to be commended. And of course, American birds most of all! And the most American of all birds is the bald eagle! The symbol of this great nation! The most majestic of all birds! The most noble! The most patriotic! Simply the best!”
Bald eagles were also notable for their humble attitudes.
"It was once suggested by Benjamin Franklin, my least favorite founding father, that the common wild turkey be the national bird! Preposterous! Turkeys are for Thanksgiving dinner, not for representing an entire nation! Thankfully, he was outvoted! I suppose we should be grateful he did not suggest something worse. Like a penguin."
“Now! I do not suppose any of you have anything to share about any other birds? Or if you would like to share a fact about the bald eagle I would certainly not get in your way!”
“The bird,” Sam began, precisely on time just like he had been the past 2 weeks, “is, of course, the pinnacle of animalkind. We are noble and impressive creatures! Which is why today, I, Sam Eagle, present A Salute to all Birds, but Mostly Bald Eagles! Except for penguins. Penguins are ridiculous. I work with penguins. I do not recommend them as colleagues!”
The Muppet penguins were, of course, ridiculous. They were Muppets not named Sam, after all. Only Sam was not ridiculous and how dare anyone, even in narrative, ever imply otherwise.
“Never trust a bird that swims better than it can fly,” Sam continued. “A bird that can soar! That is the bird you want to be!” Clearly all of Sam’s students wanted to be birds, right? Why wouldn’t they?
“Birds are meant for the sky! Birds that exist in the water are abnormal! They are weird! And as for birds that can only run...those are nearly as bad! Though I do not recommend angering the emu or the ostrich! Especially the emu. Australia is a dangerous place and its inhabitants can be unpredictable.”
“But enough about inferior birds! We should discuss more impressive winged creatures. From the California condor to the tiny yet industrious hummingbird! Those of us who fly through the air are to be commended. And of course, American birds most of all! And the most American of all birds is the bald eagle! The symbol of this great nation! The most majestic of all birds! The most noble! The most patriotic! Simply the best!”
Bald eagles were also notable for their humble attitudes.
"It was once suggested by Benjamin Franklin, my least favorite founding father, that the common wild turkey be the national bird! Preposterous! Turkeys are for Thanksgiving dinner, not for representing an entire nation! Thankfully, he was outvoted! I suppose we should be grateful he did not suggest something worse. Like a penguin."
“Now! I do not suppose any of you have anything to share about any other birds? Or if you would like to share a fact about the bald eagle I would certainly not get in your way!”
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