fandomhigh | Culinary Crimes; Tuesday, Second Period [05/25].

There was enough of Summer's humanity in tact that she wondered, briefly, if what she was about to do in class today would end up being too terrible even for her. After all, shouldn't some things be sacred? Shouldn't some things be left sacred?

And then she remembered Dante's disparaging looks regarding the okonomiyaki in Japan and decided, you know what? No. Some things maybe needed to be bastardized a little just to bring it down a peg or two.

"Morning, everyone!" Summer greeted them all cheerfully from the station at the front of the classroom. "Today's going to be a good one! Today, we're doing a classic staple that everyone," well, honestly, considering the people in her class, she wouldn't be surprised if quite a few of them were actually a little disdainful about most pizza, so the most everyone was implied, "enjoys, a favorite of overworked parents, bribing teachers, and college party-goers alike, and that's pizza!

"Now," she said, turning a little serious for a moment, "I don't want to hear anyone try to pull the 'well, that's not technically pizza because blah blah blah' stuff on me. We're working with mayo and pears and soup for these recipes, technically went out the window the moment we entered the class. Technically pizza, technically sane, technically fit for human consumption? All of them. Gone. Right out the window. So, without further ado, let's get some of these started so we can get them baking and see how they fare in the court of popular taste buds."

Threaded | Flat

Mama Mia! Let's have some-a pizza!

As always, everything you need should be provided at your station to follow along with the instructions as Summer leads you on through this week's terrible journey.

"We'll be starting with the one that will need the longest to cook, which is also probably our most traditional as far as pizza goes, and yet somehow manages, for me, to be the worst out of all three of them. And that will be our tuna and pear pizza.

"And since we've got some time with letting our dough rise on that one, we can take a moment to get started on our meat-za," sorry, Liam!, "which is something that actually had a resurgance lately thanks to the whole keto-paleo-no carb diet crazes, but this one is special, because not only is this recipe classic, but it involves good old Campbell's Tomato Soup, because I don't know about you guys, but when I think 'pizza,' I think 'canned soup!' And interestingly enough, while the crust for this pizza will be slightly less involved, it's a million times worse because the meat is the crust."

Once their 'pizzas' were in the oven, baking away until their day of reckoning, there was one last recipe to tackle.

"Finally," Summer said, "we have a the Penthouse Pizza. Claiming to truly be a 'conversation maker on Park Avenue', this is a cold pizza...a salad pizza, almost, if you will, that uses our good, dear friend, Miracle Whip. And also crackers or cornflakes, your choice, hard-boiled eggs, cucumbers and tomato. I'm sure you're all as excited as I am."

So get cooking, everyone! Remember, if you don't feel like you need to take a shower after class to cleanse yourself of any of this, you're probably just not doing it right!

So grab a fork, dig in, and see where these recipes fall on a scale of 'actually not that bad' to 'somehow worse than bean popsicles'.

Finding something somehow worse than bean popsicles might be Summer's newest white whale...

She didn't bother with the meat-substitute for this one, because half of the disgust with a meat-za was how much grease and fat wound up emerging from that thing as it baked, and you just can't get that with fake meats, no matter how hard they try.

Sign In - CC, 05/25.

The Recipes! - CC, 05/25.

The Trial! - CC, 05/25.

Talk to Summer - CC, 05/25.

OOC - CC, 05/25.