spin_kick_snap (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
spin_kick_snap) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomhigh2021-01-12 03:11 am
spin_kick_snap) wrote in fandomhigh2021-01-12 03:11 am
Entry tags:
Sexual Health and Education, Tuesday, 1st Period
"So," Kathy said, when everyone had assembled for class. Today, she was leaning against the desk, still trying to look teacherly in a pencil skirt and button-up blouse. "We're talking about the most important aspect of sex - and, honestly, of human interaction: consent. Consent, while it most frequently talked about in regards to sex, is applicable to your every day life. At it's most basic, consent is permission and when it comes to people, it's the permission to involve you in whatever activities are happening. Borrowing clothes, drinking alcohol, giving hugs, and, yes, having sex. Do do something with someone without their consent is a violation - both of themselves and sometimes the law. Today we're going to talk about different kinds of consent and, most particularly, the kinds of consent based around sex."
"So you mighta heard the phrase 'no means no'," Dante said. He was seated this time! ... Sprawling in the chair behind the desk in his red coat and a tank top, but whatever. Sitting! "Well, with sex, it's more like 'yes means yes', if you get what I mean."
Oh, right. Teacher. He should probably explain.
"It's not good enough to just have somebody who's willing to go along with whatever you want," he said. "You gotta check in, make sure they're actually cool. Sometimes people feel pressured to do stuff they don't really want to do."
"When it comes to sex, what all involved parties are looking for is informed and enthusiastic consent," Kathy said, perching on the edge of the desk. "The kind of consent that implies excitement and eagerness - the people involves aren't just going along with what is happening, they're enthusiastically onboard with going ahead. And informed consent means that everyone knows what's going on. Any relevant STIs have been discussed, a general idea has been expressed - or they have consented to being surprised - they know who and what is going to be involved. Basically, you know what's happening, you know any risks involved, and you're still excited to get down. Cool, that's informed, enthusiastic consent."
Ooof. And now the hard stuff.
"But there are a lot of scenarios where consent hasn't or can't be given," she continued. "When you're drunk or high, for example. Or unconscious. Or haven't been fully and properly informed."
"But that can and does happen a fucking lot," Dante said, wincing. "So watch out for that. And don't, like, do that to anybody. If they seem too drunk or out of it to think about what they want, they're too drunk and out of it to do you."
"Also, if someone isn't as excited as you about what is happening - especially if they're lying still, or not communicating, or seem checked out...if you've had to try to guilt or manipulate or convince--that's coercion, not consent. So don't. And if someone is trying that with you? Get out. It can be really hard to say no, especially when you know someone else really wants something you can provide. But you're not here for them, and you have a right to not do things that hurt you, upset you, or make you feel uncomfortable."
Kathy was getting really emphatic there.
He glanced at Kathy. "So we got a few questions for you guys to discuss with each other today."
Ugh, now he felt teacherly.
Kathy took a second to breathe, and went back to casually leaning. "Our questions for class discussion today:
1) What do you think about consent being defined as the presence of a yes?
2) Imagine you and another person start kissing. You are attracted to this person, and you think you’re getting non-verbal signals that both of you want to 'do more' than kiss. As a group, generate 3 examples of something you could say to your partner to determine what to do next. Again, give examples of things you could say before going any further.
3) Do you think sexual partners talking about what they are interested in experiencing together will lead to a better sexual experience for them? Why or why not?"
All right kids. Have at!
"So you mighta heard the phrase 'no means no'," Dante said. He was seated this time! ... Sprawling in the chair behind the desk in his red coat and a tank top, but whatever. Sitting! "Well, with sex, it's more like 'yes means yes', if you get what I mean."
Oh, right. Teacher. He should probably explain.
"It's not good enough to just have somebody who's willing to go along with whatever you want," he said. "You gotta check in, make sure they're actually cool. Sometimes people feel pressured to do stuff they don't really want to do."
"When it comes to sex, what all involved parties are looking for is informed and enthusiastic consent," Kathy said, perching on the edge of the desk. "The kind of consent that implies excitement and eagerness - the people involves aren't just going along with what is happening, they're enthusiastically onboard with going ahead. And informed consent means that everyone knows what's going on. Any relevant STIs have been discussed, a general idea has been expressed - or they have consented to being surprised - they know who and what is going to be involved. Basically, you know what's happening, you know any risks involved, and you're still excited to get down. Cool, that's informed, enthusiastic consent."
Ooof. And now the hard stuff.
"But there are a lot of scenarios where consent hasn't or can't be given," she continued. "When you're drunk or high, for example. Or unconscious. Or haven't been fully and properly informed."
"But that can and does happen a fucking lot," Dante said, wincing. "So watch out for that. And don't, like, do that to anybody. If they seem too drunk or out of it to think about what they want, they're too drunk and out of it to do you."
"Also, if someone isn't as excited as you about what is happening - especially if they're lying still, or not communicating, or seem checked out...if you've had to try to guilt or manipulate or convince--that's coercion, not consent. So don't. And if someone is trying that with you? Get out. It can be really hard to say no, especially when you know someone else really wants something you can provide. But you're not here for them, and you have a right to not do things that hurt you, upset you, or make you feel uncomfortable."
Kathy was getting really emphatic there.
He glanced at Kathy. "So we got a few questions for you guys to discuss with each other today."
Ugh, now he felt teacherly.
Kathy took a second to breathe, and went back to casually leaning. "Our questions for class discussion today:
1) What do you think about consent being defined as the presence of a yes?
2) Imagine you and another person start kissing. You are attracted to this person, and you think you’re getting non-verbal signals that both of you want to 'do more' than kiss. As a group, generate 3 examples of something you could say to your partner to determine what to do next. Again, give examples of things you could say before going any further.
3) Do you think sexual partners talking about what they are interested in experiencing together will lead to a better sexual experience for them? Why or why not?"
All right kids. Have at!
Re: Answer the Questions!
Of course the other person may not get anything but there is at least bluntness and consent.
Re: Answer the Questions!
This was what happened when you left the sex-ed up to two middle-aged men who were academics, and didn't really want to discuss this with their tempermental teenage ward. When 'Yana talked about sex, she tended to sound like a clinical doctor.
Re: Answer the Questions!
Actually it wasn't a hypothetical at all. "The point being though that both of us were down for it."
Oh. Wait.
"Hypothetically."
"And you should never feel like there is a power imbalance in a situation. Too many times I've been told by old creeps that we were running out of time and they were my last option just as the bar was about to close. But I never settled for them. Because my ex-boyfriend lived nearby, he was obsessed with me and he never slept because he was addicted to Adderall. There is always another option."