fandomhigh | The Ever-Changing Facets of Reality, Monday, Second Period

Upon entering the Danger Shop, the students would find themselves in the middle of a cornfield. "Today we're going on...The Amazing Race! So pick your partners--I've already got mine," Vanessa said, looping her arm through Wade's elbow, "--and get ready to explore our exotic destination: Dubuque, Iowa*!"

Wait, what?

"We couldn't afford anything better because we spent all the budget on... nothing," Wade said. "There was no budget. This was a test. You all failed it."

"Also, we're doing this here in the Danger Shop instead of actually going to Iowa because A) who wants to actually go to Iowa? and B) Travelocity costs money. So enjoy your time in Iowa, and hurry to complete your tasks before you're last, and get eliminated and left in Dubuque." A beat. "Just kidding!"

"I'm not. I'll abandon your ass here," Wade added. "I'll find a way. So don't fuck this one up."

He waited a moment, looking around. "Oh, we didn't do production assistants this time. So, I guess I need to repeat that we're not legally allowed to do that. Which is bullshit. But at least we can swear."

"Also we can't actually leave you because this is a hologram." Vanessa sounded disappointed by this. "And you know what? Scratch that thing I said before about partners. You're doing this solo. Yeah, that's right, I'm changing the fake rules."

"Best Midwesterner wins!"

Nothing. They won nothing.

*Any resemblance to the real Dubuque, Iowa, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

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"For your first task, you're going to navigate this ~~handwavey~~ corn maze! The scarecrow at the end has a clue to your next task. And if you don't find your way out by the end of the period, that's not our problem." Vanessa was encouraging like that.

This class was actually making more sense to Sidon than some of the previous ones (he might still be a little shaken from the very first one where he'd been expected to find love despite being quite satisfied in that respect, thank you), and so he was eager to charge forth and tackle the maze with gusto and entusiasm!

And wondering if it was considered a bit unfair that he was tall enough to see over the corn in most spots without too much trouble. Certainly easier than all of his fellow competitors, anyway...

"No." Illyana folded her arms belligerently, glaring at the corn maze. "Absolutely not. There's probably a corn blight or a dark-eyed child or a cult in there. I did not survive hitchhiking across the United States to be stupid enough to go into a corn maze."

Was she meaner and scarier than anything probably lurking in a fictional corn maze? Absolutely. That didn't mean she wanted to deal with that nonsense.

"I'm with her," Ulysses decided, pointing at Illyana. "This has, like, bad horror movie written all over it."

Mostly because he trusted their teachers about as far as he could throw them. And he was a pretty noodle-armed boy, at this point.

"I'm getting a bad vibe, no thanks."

"Exactly," Illyana said. "And I refuse to be part of a bad horror movie."

A good horror movie, sure. But not a bad one run by these two.

Ulysses nodded firmly.

Like, three times.

"So you wanna just --" He gestured very vaguely at the maze. Or, actually, off to the side. "-- try walking around this thing, maybe?"

"I'm inclined to sit here and make fun of everyone willing to go into the corn," Illyana admitted, "--but sure. Walking around it works."

"Oh no, I mean, that's a pretty valid option, too," Ulysses told her, tilting his head and clearly reconsidering. "'Cause, I'm all for judging people for falling into this really fucking obvious trap."

Illyana thought about it for a second.

"Technically we only need to find the scarecrow at the end to get a clue or whatever, but it's probably cursed," she decided. "That's what I'd do, to teach a lesson about the dangers of Iowa or whatever."

No one should go to Iowa. Ever.

She tossed her backpack on the ground, taking a seat where she could see all their classmates ~~and any NPCs~~ enter the maze. "I vote we rate them on their likelyhood of surviving a horror movie."

Edited 2019-09-30 21:27 (UTC)

Ulysses was already plopping himself down next to her, even as he said, "Ooh, yesss." This was much more his speed than the maze. Especially the part where he didn't have to move. "Though I mean, spoiler alert, unless there's a good Final Girl situation, they're all dead."

Guys, this was why you were coming in last today.

Better coming in last than attacked by possessed scarecrows or whatever!

Look, Illyana wasn't up on pop-culture, but she LOVED watching late night horror movies. They were hilarious, and she knew her tropes at this point.

"I mean, I'd bet on Shuri surviving," Illyana mused. "If only 'cause she seems to know what the teachers are babbling about more than everyone else does."

"Okay, fair point," Ulysses agreed, nodding before running his hand back through his hair. He tended to do that when he was thinking. "Also, Sidon? That guy's, like, effervescent. I feel like he'd stay alive really long in the game, just so it'd hurt more when they finally got him."

A beat.

"Also he's so fucking tall they'd have to work extra hard to surprise him in the maze." Ulysses gestured into the distance. "I mean, he's in there and I can literally see him right now."

"Maybe they're mouse-sized zombie-cultists," Illyana said, thinking out loud. "One bite on his ankle, and he turns on everyone else at a dramatically important moment."

Ulysses eyed her like he was weighing the merits of that suggestion very seriously. Never let it be said he couldn't get wholeheartedly into the dumbest or most ridiculous of thought exercises.

"That's a twist," he decided. "I like it." A beat. "Also makes me even more glad to be out here instead of the maze because, fuck, anything could be hidden in there."

Shuri nodded right along with her. "I've seen enough horror movies to know what happens to the token minority girl."

"Go around the side," Illyana advised sagely. "The smart girl lives. Usually."

Illyana that was probably the opposite of helpful.

"That is an excellent point," Shuri said. "I'll give it my best try. If I die stupidly, save yourself by not hooking up with a cute boy."

Because that's how the blonde girls went.

Illyana gave her an ironic half-salute. "I shall do my best to resist their temptations," she said dryly. "And the lure of the perfectly innocent corn. Great make-out spot, that."

The Ever-Changing Facets of Reality, Monday, Second Period

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