So You Want to Be a Pirate!, Wednesday, period two

[betterthanaplan]

"Okay, so here's the thing." Duke kind of couldn't believe he had to say this. "And, you know, it's probably my fault for not making my expectations more clear. I'm still new to this teaching gig, but that's no excuse. . . . Anyway. How did all of you end up doing the worksheet last week?" He looked around at the class, hands spread in despair. "I mean, okay, we got some creativity with the names, so that's good, but still. I literally gave you the option out loud of tearing it up and throwing it in the sea. I even told you that'd be the more pirate-y way to go. And yet." He pressed his hands to his forehead and sighed.

"Right. So. Just to be absolutely clear: pirates don't follow rules. Like, okay, you should probably mostly do what your captain tells you, mostly under the threat of some sort of creatively awful retribution, but the whole point of being a pirate is to say 'screw you' to other people's authority and do your own thing. So let's just get this out of the way: I'm the captain, just sort of . . . by default, I guess. And I am actively telling you to disobey me. Please do stupid shit in here. If you're a grades kind of kid, I assure you: you will get a better grade if you just tell me to fuck off and do your own thing than if you do everything I tell you to perfectly. We clear?" He looked around for any questions, then nodded and clapped his hands.

"Okay! Now we've got that out of the way, it's time for today's 'assignment'!" He went really heavy on the air quotes there, yes. And then leaned into the pirate accent. "We be doin' a piratical obstacle course! Each of you will be collectin' six flags along the way. The first will be on the poop deck, where ye'll be closin' yer eyes and spinning around a mop not three, not five, but thirteen times! Once yer nice an' dizzy, grab yer flag off the mop and run down to the mizzenmast. There ye'll be climbin' the cargo net to the yardarm, where ye'll find flag number two! Grab the rigging, and swing across to the foremast for flag number three. From there ye'll drop down to the forecastle — I prefer usin' a dull knife on the sail meself — where ye'll find flag number four. Slide down the banister back to the main deck, and pop below to the gun deck to load yerself a cannon and find flag five under the cannon balls. Fire that cannon out to sea, make yer way back up to the main deck again, brandish yer weapon of choice from this barrel, and give us all yer very best piratical battle cry for the sixth and final flag. The first of ya to present six flags to me, yer captain, wins." The accent disappeared again. "And for the love of god if you actually do all the steps properly and in order I may have to fail you for the day. Seriously. Please break the rules. As long as you're not actively harming each other, you'll be golden."

Comments

Obstacle course!

[betterthanaplan]

Collect those flags! BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY (that doesn't involve grievous bodily harm to your fellow pirates).

Re: Obstacle course! - Flag one!

[betterthanaplan]

Moppin' the poop deck!

Re: Obstacle course! - Flag one!

[chirpchirpchirp]

Really, though, if anyone thought Vette was going to even think of starting by spinning, they were sorely mistaken. She was grabbing her mop and making off with it, wielding it like a weapon, perfectly intent on swinging it at anybody who got too close to her on her way to the mizzenmast.

Cackling the entire way.

Re: Obstacle course! - Flag one!

[following_my_fishie]

Del cheated. Look, he said they could! She held up a hand and her flags flew into her hand. She spent some time artfully arranging them around her clothing.

If you thought that was going to stop her, though..

She grabbed a mop and began running in a circle. Way more than thirteen times. She ran and ran and ran until her feet left the ground and she was running horizontally in the air. Lifting her feet, she let the centrifugal force take her and exclaimed a loud 'WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!' as she spun.

Re: Obstacle course! - Flag two!

[betterthanaplan]

The yardarm of the mizzenmast!

Re: Obstacle course! - Flag two!

[chirpchirpchirp]

You know, Vette actually did this part properly? Because she was a nimble little thing and climbing was one of those things she did well.

... She was absolutely lobbing her mop at whoever was closest to her before she began to climb, though. Climbing was easier without it.

Re: Obstacle course! - Flag two!

[following_my_fishie]

This part was easy. She did this almost every class anyway. Scrambling up to the yardarm, Del decided to make it a little challenging and did cartwheels along it to get to the swinging part.

Re: Obstacle course! - Flag three!

[betterthanaplan]

Stuck to the foremast's sail!

Re: Obstacle course! - Flag three!

[chirpchirpchirp]

Swinging? Also something Vette kind of thoroughly enjoyed. She did this part of the course without complaint.

... But swung back the other way after grabbing the flag mostly just because she enjoyed it. Hush, she was in this for the fun of it, not to win it. Were there even prizes for this? Maybe she'd just keep her flags. Hm.

Re: Obstacle course! - Flag three!

[following_my_fishie]

Delirium swung and jumped for the flag! She caught it.. and gravity caught her. With a tiny yelp, she flipped around and wound up sliding down the sail with a tiny scream. Which quickly turned into another loud whoop of glee. Sliding was fun!

Re: Obstacle course! - Flag four!

[betterthanaplan]

On the forecastle!

Re: Obstacle course! - Flag four!

[chirpchirpchirp]

... Well, now that she was back mostly where she started after that swing back, Vette was grabbing another mop and running her way to the forecastle instead. She grabbed the flag, mostly just for completion's sake, before running back to the main deck.

Sorry, banister. Maybe next time. She was still wielding her mop, after all.

Re: Obstacle course! - Flag four!

[following_my_fishie]

Delirium skipped this step entirely. She ..heh.. cannonballed off the sail and disappeared.

Re: Obstacle course! - Flag five!

[betterthanaplan]

Under the cannonballs!

Re: Obstacle course! - Flag five!

[chirpchirpchirp]

Vette's heart kind of ached to want to try firing off the cannons. It really, really did. But just getting the cannonballs out of the way was faster, so she was using her broomstick as a lever to roll a few out of the way so that she could grab a flag.

Look, she was tiny. Cannonballs were heavy. Why put forth more effort than necessary?

Even if she really, really wanted to fire that cannon.

Re: Obstacle course! - Flag five!

[following_my_fishie]

Only to reappear before her very own cannon!

Oh man. Were they only supposed to fire one cannonball?

Too bad.

There was a whole pile of them! She began delightedly firing them all out to sea, laughing with glee.

Re: Obstacle course! - Flag six!

[betterthanaplan]

In a barrel of weaponry!

Re: Obstacle course! - Flag six!

[chirpchirpchirp]

Blasters? Were there blasters in a barrel of weaponry? Probably not, but Vette was bound and determined to find something fun, and wound up pulling out a pair of flintlock pistols, which she held aloft in the air with a whoop of amusement.

... She went back for the flag a few moments later.

Re: Obstacle course! - Flag six!

[following_my_fishie]

Delirium looked at the barrel of weapons. Nah.

She sat on a crate and pulled out her own cutlass. It was shiny and silver. Del gave an appropriate pirate roar of, "ARRR!"

Then she unwrapped the foil off the end of her cutlass, broke off a piece of chocolate and began to happily eat it.

Re: Obstacle course! - Turn them all in!

[betterthanaplan]

Hand Duke six flags! See if you win!

[The RNG gods declare our order thusly:
Evie
Del
Jack
Nell
Vette (presuming she's no longer a bluebird. Or possibly even if she's still a bluebird)
Ulysses
Elisabeth
Theron
Sidon]

Re: Obstacle course! - Turn them all in!

[chirpchirpchirp]

"And what if I want to keep these? I think these flags are some pretty neat treasure all on their own," Vette mused, her collection of flags held curled up in one lek and a pistol in each hand.

She was absolutely grinning. Running mayhem all over any kind of ship was basically her favorite way to pass the time.

Re: Obstacle course! - Turn them all in!

[betterthanaplan]

"Well, let's see: you've got the flags on you and guns to help protect them." He grinned back. "But! Do you have ammo in those guns? Are you prepared to defend those flags if I try to take them?"

Re: Obstacle course! - Turn them all in!

[following_my_fishie]

Del was, rather pointedly, not turning her flags in. They were tucked here and there about her clothing and they'd all turned blue to match.

She'd stolen them fair and square. She was keeping them. Del continued to sit and complacently eat more of her sword.

Re: Obstacle course!

[mylandmyrules]

Nell sat put and folded her arms. "I ain't doin' it," she said firmly.

Re: Obstacle course!

[betterthanaplan]

Duke raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms over his chest. "Interesting approach. A little petulant, but we can work on that."