Duke Crocker (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
betterthanaplan) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomhigh2019-09-24 11:57 pm
betterthanaplan) wrote in fandomhigh2019-09-24 11:57 pm
Entry tags:
So You Want to Be a Pirate!, Wednesday, period two
"Okay, so here's the thing." Duke kind of couldn't believe he had to say this. "And, you know, it's probably my fault for not making my expectations more clear. I'm still new to this teaching gig, but that's no excuse. . . . Anyway. How did all of you end up doing the worksheet last week?" He looked around at the class, hands spread in despair. "I mean, okay, we got some creativity with the names, so that's good, but still. I literally gave you the option out loud of tearing it up and throwing it in the sea. I even told you that'd be the more pirate-y way to go. And yet." He pressed his hands to his forehead and sighed.
"Right. So. Just to be absolutely clear: pirates don't follow rules. Like, okay, you should probably mostly do what your captain tells you, mostly under the threat of some sort of creatively awful retribution, but the whole point of being a pirate is to say 'screw you' to other people's authority and do your own thing. So let's just get this out of the way: I'm the captain, just sort of . . . by default, I guess. And I am actively telling you to disobey me. Please do stupid shit in here. If you're a grades kind of kid, I assure you: you will get a better grade if you just tell me to fuck off and do your own thing than if you do everything I tell you to perfectly. We clear?" He looked around for any questions, then nodded and clapped his hands.
"Okay! Now we've got that out of the way, it's time for today's 'assignment'!" He went really heavy on the air quotes there, yes. And then leaned into the pirate accent. "We be doin' a piratical obstacle course! Each of you will be collectin' six flags along the way. The first will be on the poop deck, where ye'll be closin' yer eyes and spinning around a mop not three, not five, but thirteen times! Once yer nice an' dizzy, grab yer flag off the mop and run down to the mizzenmast. There ye'll be climbin' the cargo net to the yardarm, where ye'll find flag number two! Grab the rigging, and swing across to the foremast for flag number three. From there ye'll drop down to the forecastle — I prefer usin' a dull knife on the sail meself — where ye'll find flag number four. Slide down the banister back to the main deck, and pop below to the gun deck to load yerself a cannon and find flag five under the cannon balls. Fire that cannon out to sea, make yer way back up to the main deck again, brandish yer weapon of choice from this barrel, and give us all yer very best piratical battle cry for the sixth and final flag. The first of ya to present six flags to me, yer captain, wins." The accent disappeared again. "And for the love of god if you actually do all the steps properly and in order I may have to fail you for the day. Seriously. Please break the rules. As long as you're not actively harming each other, you'll be golden."
"Right. So. Just to be absolutely clear: pirates don't follow rules. Like, okay, you should probably mostly do what your captain tells you, mostly under the threat of some sort of creatively awful retribution, but the whole point of being a pirate is to say 'screw you' to other people's authority and do your own thing. So let's just get this out of the way: I'm the captain, just sort of . . . by default, I guess. And I am actively telling you to disobey me. Please do stupid shit in here. If you're a grades kind of kid, I assure you: you will get a better grade if you just tell me to fuck off and do your own thing than if you do everything I tell you to perfectly. We clear?" He looked around for any questions, then nodded and clapped his hands.
"Okay! Now we've got that out of the way, it's time for today's 'assignment'!" He went really heavy on the air quotes there, yes. And then leaned into the pirate accent. "We be doin' a piratical obstacle course! Each of you will be collectin' six flags along the way. The first will be on the poop deck, where ye'll be closin' yer eyes and spinning around a mop not three, not five, but thirteen times! Once yer nice an' dizzy, grab yer flag off the mop and run down to the mizzenmast. There ye'll be climbin' the cargo net to the yardarm, where ye'll find flag number two! Grab the rigging, and swing across to the foremast for flag number three. From there ye'll drop down to the forecastle — I prefer usin' a dull knife on the sail meself — where ye'll find flag number four. Slide down the banister back to the main deck, and pop below to the gun deck to load yerself a cannon and find flag five under the cannon balls. Fire that cannon out to sea, make yer way back up to the main deck again, brandish yer weapon of choice from this barrel, and give us all yer very best piratical battle cry for the sixth and final flag. The first of ya to present six flags to me, yer captain, wins." The accent disappeared again. "And for the love of god if you actually do all the steps properly and in order I may have to fail you for the day. Seriously. Please break the rules. As long as you're not actively harming each other, you'll be golden."
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