fandomhigh | The Mid-Centry Cookbook; Tuesday, First Period [05/14].

Entry tags:

cooking

The Mid-Centry Cookbook; Tuesday, First Period [05/14].

"Hey, guys!" Summer greeted the class brightly, far too brightly for the evil she was about to unleash upon them, really, and that's why, in almost all of her alternate universe selves, she was the worst. "Hope the whole 'dropped into an amalgamation of various prehistoric possibilities' thing going on outside isn't throwing too many of you off; if it is, and you need to talk about it, though, I'm here, I get how it can be. But, for now, let's forget about all that because today, we're going to finally start cooking!

"Well," she amended, her smile far too viscious to be truly apologetic, "there's actually not a whole lot of cooking involved in this one. We'll start you out light. Today we're making Liver Sausage Pineapple."

Why, yes, those were the words that Summer meant to put togehter like that! And now she was displaying for you exactly what those words put together like that meant.

"Beautiful," she said, "isn't it? So, follow along with me through the recipe. Don't hesitate to ask any questions, unless your question is 'why are we making this?' Because that is a question that has no good answer, sorry not sorry.

"Let's get started!"

[[ ~~please wait for~~ the OCD is up! ]]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Pineapples have for a long time been a symbol of friendship and hospitality. So what's your response when someone presents this pineapple to you?

Shuri

Janet Kim

Okuyasu Nijimura

Oh, just wait. The gagging has just begun. With disturbing cheerfulness, Summer led the class through the recipe:

"First, you'd going to want to get a pot of water boiling on your stone," and if they had trouble with that...well, that was the most they'd use the stove today so that was good news!

"While that's getting going, we'll be making the coating for our 'pineapple'," you could practically hear the air quotes, "so add 2 tablespoons of cold water to the mixing bowl at your station, and sprinkle in the two packages of gelatin there into it. We're going to put that bowl on over the pot of boiling water to mix and melt the gelatin, just keep stirring it until it gets that weird slime consistency, and here comes the fun part. We're going to add one cup of mayonnaise to it!"

Plop! Aren't you excited, Shuri?

"And, since we want our pineapple to be yellow, you can either add 1 teaspoon of tumeric to get that nice yellow color, or, if you want to be really terrible, a lot of mustard. Mix that up really nice and good and then we'll pop it into the fridge to cool.

"While that's cooling, we're going to build our pineapple." #brandnewsentences. "So go ahead and open up the two packages of liver sausage at your station and put them into a large bowl. We're going to add 1 tablespoon of lemon juice and 1 teaspoon of worcestershire sauce. Then go ahead and use a fork or a masher to get that all good and mashed up, which is honestly the hardest part of this whole recipe, outside of the feeling of existential dread that will settle once you've finished the thing and realied what you've actually gone and put out into the world."

After giving everyone some time to get their mash on, taking a look to see how they were doing, Summer nodded, and continued. "Okay, next up: more maya! One quarter cup, to be exact, and we're going to mix that into our liver sausage. Now, if your mixture has gotten a little warm," gag, "then it's not going to stand, so pop it in the fridge for a little bit, but if not, then we're good to go with shaping the thing. For that, we're going to invert an 8 ounce jar on a plate, and you're just going to smoooooooooth this liver sausage paste all over it, mmmmm, nothing says delicious like pastering liver sausage paste onto a jar, right? Anyway, once you've got the jar covered, you can sort of smooth it out and shape it like we want, because I know I always like to think about making pottery when I also make my food...Give it a nice smooth flat top, and then into the fridge it goes to settle a little.

"While that's setting, we'll work on our finishing touches. Take this time to take a real actual pineapple, cut off its top, and leave it crying in shame for the bastardize perversion we're executing in its name. Once that's done, you can work on slicing up a few pimento olives, cut crosswise to look, you know, kind of like eyes."

Once that was finished, Summer instructed the to go get their liver sausage pineapples and the coating from the fridge so they could finally assemble it. "Now, the fun part! Plop that pineapple top right on top of your unholy creation, giving it a little twist to get it to settle in, then let's take a knife or a spatula, whichever's easier for you, and coat the liver with the gelatin mix. Scour the surface a little with a chopstick or other tool, drawing on the lines of your pineapple like thiiiiiis...it helps to just press it into the coating rather than dragging it...and then place your olives in the spaces between the lines! Beautiful! Let's toss some parsley garnish around the bottom, get some crackers to serve with it, and viola! Congratulations, you've made a complete culinary abomination, abandon all hope, there's no turning back now!"

"This is probably a war crime," Shuri muttered as she smushed her liver sausage (oh, Bast, the smell) around her jar in a vaguely pineapple-y shape.

Edited 2019-05-14 14:31 (UTC)

"I can't in good conscience do this," Janet said.

"Oh, great, then!" Summer chirped way too brightly. "Then you can be an unbiased taste tester to let us know who made the best one when we're finished!"

Edited 2019-05-14 18:23 (UTC)

"Screw my conscience, give me two pineapples."

"Atta girl."

Summer, what were you doing to these poor kids who were at most three years younger than you?

Okuyasu found this all very unsettling.

"...I don't think food should pretend to be other food."

"Normally," Summer allowed, "I would totally agree with you, but, as your teacher, I am unfortunately obligated to tell you not to knock it until you've tried it."

"Is midcentury America just... food crimes?" Okuyasu asked, his previous enthusiasm for the class starting to wane.

Yes, last week was absolutely fine. This. This was a whole new world of whaaaaat.

"Food crimes, misogyny, super aggressive capitalism and an over-inflated sense of ours position in the global sphere," Summer offered brightly. "But hey! We also got color TV, cool cars, and the fashions were dope as hell. So...." She shrugged. "You know...."

"...I'm pretty sure most of that is just America," Okuyasu said, even though he was totally a yankii boy.

"It's kind of funny to come to the future to make food from the past, though."

He chuckled. That was funny.

"Well," Summer allowed to his first point, "you're not wrong. And it is kind of funny, especially when you add to it that you came to the future to make food from the past while also being transported to the super, super past."

What, with all the dinosaurs and all.

But Summer's head tilted a little, because she couldn't help being a little curious. "What time are you coming from, anyway, Okuyasu?"

"1999," Okuyasu said with a smile. "I used to think we were living at the edge of a bright fancy future. Which I guess is true, but now it seems almost as primitive as dinosaur times in comparison!"

Summer was 75% sure that was supposed to be a joke, but that other 25% of uncertainty just left her saying, "And I'm sure it'll seem like something else entirely in about a week or so."

Then she just had to go back to the year, shaking her head. "Dude,"...she should maybe work on not calling her students dude "...I wasn't even born yet in 1999."

Because that would be a fun thing to point out.

"Whoa," Okuyasu said in wonderment. "That means I'm old enough to be your dad!"

Yes, absolutely how that worked.

There was...a very long pause filled with a few blinks from Summer at that.

"Actually," she realized, "my dad was pretty much just about your age when I came around, so....yeah, this conversation just took a suuuuuuuuper weird turn, and coming from me, that is saying a lot."

She was actually a little impressed.

"Wow, I haven't even had a girlfriend yet, and your dad already had a kid at my age?"

He paused.

"Pretend I didn't say that first part."

"No way, man," said Summer, shaking her head unapologetically. Look at what she was making you all do, Okuyasu, you think you'll find sympathy in this cold, evil jello heart? "You can't take that back. But, hey, don't feel bad or anything. You wouldn't want to be like my dad, anyway. He's just some loser who won the Bad Life Choices lottery by knocking up the one person messed up enough to stick with him."

Yes, Summer had a great relationship with her parents, why do you ask?

"And who knows? Maybe you'll meet someone here who does appreciate food that looks like other food and they'll totally be wowed by your liver sausage pineapple skills."

...Summer was also divorced at eighteen. Do not take relationship advice from this woman.

Conversation like this just made Okuyasu miss his best bro Josuke... and to a lesser extent, his actual bro Keicho.

He was, however, certain of one thing.

"I don't think I'd want to date someone who wants to eat a liver sausage pineapple," Okuyasu said. "But maybe I'd date someone who was willing to pretend to just to protect my feelings."

"Awww," said Summer, because what was cuter than someone pretending to like disgusting food for you? "See, now that's sweet. And, obviously, if they're going to suffer through disgusting food just to protect your feelings, you might as well make sure it's the best disgusting food you can possibly make, right?"

So how'd you do? Present the results of your efforts to take a good thing and completely ruin it with a concept that should never exist in the first place!

And if you're really feeling up to it, give it a try! It's highly encouraged to actually try to eat these things, but, considering Summer herself will usually opt out, she's not blaming anyone if they do they same.

"First of all, I have no idea why we have created a pineapple that doesn't taste of pineapple," Shuri said, glaring at her creation. "But it does have spice in it, which was more than I was expecting. This is my meat...pineapple...thing. If you do not eat it, I will bury it very, very deep in the preserve and pray it doesn't kill a dinosaur."

"Ooooh," said Summer, "if you do, we should mark that spot! Maybe next year, there will even be a disgusting liver pineapple tree growing there!"

It was Fandom. It was entirely possible, even with the change in the scenery.

"Well, that's horrifying on just about every level," Shuri said.

"It really is," said Summer with a dreamy sort of wistfulness, "isn't it?"

God, she is bringing one of these to every potluck and picnic from here on in. It's rare something so horrible can also be so easy to prepare!

Hannibal would be hanging around this week towards the end, eyeing the "pineapples" veery skeptically as he waited for class to finish.

"Ahh," Summer grinned over at him once class wound down and it was pretty clear that there wouldn't be any throwing up to be cleaned up, "I knew you wouldn't be able to keep yourself away from these masterpieces of gourmet brilliance for too long! How's it going. Dr. Lecter? Come to whet some of your cullinary curiosity?"

This was partly your fault, you know, Hannibal. You encouraged this.

Hannibal had no shame.

He chuckled. "Not today, actually, although this is quite something. I wanted to ask a question of you as a business owner."

"Feel free to take one home with you, if you want," Summer offered sweetly. "But business owner question?" Her brows may have lifted slightly; sure, she had a summer's worth of community college business courses and a half a year of practical experience under her belt now, but she was pretty sure there were some people who might be better equipped for questions like that. Or who knew? Maybe her newness and youth just gave her a fresher look on things. Either way, she wouldn't know until he asked. "What's on your mind?"

"I shall pass," Hannibal said. "But I was wondering how much meat you might have on hand at the store or be able to get. My husband has found himself in sudden possession of a dinosaur much larger than the cat she usually is."

Summer had to bark a laugh at that one, really. "Oh, trust me," she said, "there is no where near a meat shortage at T&C right now. We got this special delivery of these....redonkulous, ginormous hunks of ribs....no idea what kind of meat they actually are, but anyone who's interested in them haven't been particularly picky about it. The only big problem with them are just figuring out how to actually get them home, really."

"That's good to know," Hannibal said, smiling. "We'll find a way to get them home, and it will still be easier than hunting for a bigger dinosaur. Luckily my cat is now an herbivore, but I may also need to purchase a large amount of vegetables."

He looked the class over. "So, what was the inspiration for today's culinary adventure?"

"Veg shouldn't be a problem, either," Summer assured him with a faint smile, and then took a considering look back at the final results with a shrug. "And, I don't know, but...well, pineapples are symbols for welcoming people and hospitality, right? Seemed a good way to welcome them to exactly what they're in store for this semester."

Which was...partially true, really, even if she sort of made it up just then and there. The real reason was because it was both disgusting and easy, but she wasn't about to tell Hannibal that.

Well, Hannibal already knew one of those things.

"It's certainly suggestive of a certain theme," he agreed.

By the end of this post, I was actually thinking, "You know, I really do actually want to try this."

God, what is this class going to do to me???

I have actually served to people I liked something called Spam-Fruit Cocktail Buffet Party Loaf.

It was a VISION.

>"served to people I liked"

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

The Mid-Centry Cookbook; Tuesday, First Period [05/14].

Sign In - MCC, 05/14.

Re: Sign In - MCC, 05/14.

Re: Sign In - MCC, 05/14.

Re: Sign In - MCC, 05/14.

Class Activity - MCC, 05/14.

Re: Class Activity - MCC, 05/14.

Re: Class Activity - MCC, 05/14.

Re: Class Activity - MCC, 05/14.

Re: Class Activity - MCC, 05/14.

Re: Class Activity - MCC, 05/14.

Re: Class Activity - MCC, 05/14.

Re: Class Activity - MCC, 05/14.

Re: Class Activity - MCC, 05/14.

Re: Class Activity - MCC, 05/14.

Re: Class Activity - MCC, 05/14.

Re: Class Activity - MCC, 05/14.

Re: Class Activity - MCC, 05/14.

Re: Class Activity - MCC, 05/14.

Re: Class Activity - MCC, 05/14.

Re: Class Activity - MCC, 05/14.

Re: Class Activity - MCC, 05/14.

Re: Class Activity - MCC, 05/14.

Re: Class Activity - MCC, 05/14.

Re: Class Activity - MCC, 05/14.

Present your Pineapple - MCC, 05/14.

Re: Present your Pineapple - MCC, 05/14.

Re: Present your Pineapple - MCC, 05/14.

Re: Present your Pineapple - MCC, 05/14.

Re: Present your Pineapple - MCC, 05/14.

Talk to Summer - MCC, 05/14.

Re: Talk to Summer - MCC, 05/14.

Re: Talk to Summer - MCC, 05/14.

Re: Talk to Summer - MCC, 05/14.

Re: Talk to Summer - MCC, 05/14.

Re: Talk to Summer - MCC, 05/14.

Re: Talk to Summer - MCC, 05/14.

Re: Talk to Summer - MCC, 05/14.

Re: Talk to Summer - MCC, 05/14.

Re: Talk to Summer - MCC, 05/14.

OOC -- MCC, 05/14.

Re: OOC -- MCC, 05/14.

Re: OOC -- MCC, 05/14.