fandomhigh | The Mid-Centry Cookbook; Tuesday, First Period [05/14].

"Hey, guys!" Summer greeted the class brightly, far too brightly for the evil she was about to unleash upon them, really, and that's why, in almost all of her alternate universe selves, she was the worst. "Hope the whole 'dropped into an amalgamation of various prehistoric possibilities' thing going on outside isn't throwing too many of you off; if it is, and you need to talk about it, though, I'm here, I get how it can be. But, for now, let's forget about all that because today, we're going to finally start cooking!

"Well," she amended, her smile far too viscious to be truly apologetic, "there's actually not a whole lot of cooking involved in this one. We'll start you out light. Today we're making Liver Sausage Pineapple."

Why, yes, those were the words that Summer meant to put togehter like that! And now she was displaying for you exactly what those words put together like that meant.

"Beautiful," she said, "isn't it? So, follow along with me through the recipe. Don't hesitate to ask any questions, unless your question is 'why are we making this?' Because that is a question that has no good answer, sorry not sorry.

"Let's get started!"

[[ ~~please wait for~~ the OCD is up! ]]

Threaded | Flat

Pineapples have for a long time been a symbol of friendship and hospitality. So what's your response when someone presents this pineapple to you?

Oh, just wait. The gagging has just begun. With disturbing cheerfulness, Summer led the class through the recipe:

"First, you'd going to want to get a pot of water boiling on your stone," and if they had trouble with that...well, that was the most they'd use the stove today so that was good news!

"While that's getting going, we'll be making the coating for our 'pineapple'," you could practically hear the air quotes, "so add 2 tablespoons of cold water to the mixing bowl at your station, and sprinkle in the two packages of gelatin there into it. We're going to put that bowl on over the pot of boiling water to mix and melt the gelatin, just keep stirring it until it gets that weird slime consistency, and here comes the fun part. We're going to add one cup of mayonnaise to it!"

Plop! Aren't you excited, Shuri?

"And, since we want our pineapple to be yellow, you can either add 1 teaspoon of tumeric to get that nice yellow color, or, if you want to be really terrible, a lot of mustard. Mix that up really nice and good and then we'll pop it into the fridge to cool.

"While that's cooling, we're going to build our pineapple." #brandnewsentences. "So go ahead and open up the two packages of liver sausage at your station and put them into a large bowl. We're going to add 1 tablespoon of lemon juice and 1 teaspoon of worcestershire sauce. Then go ahead and use a fork or a masher to get that all good and mashed up, which is honestly the hardest part of this whole recipe, outside of the feeling of existential dread that will settle once you've finished the thing and realied what you've actually gone and put out into the world."

After giving everyone some time to get their mash on, taking a look to see how they were doing, Summer nodded, and continued. "Okay, next up: more maya! One quarter cup, to be exact, and we're going to mix that into our liver sausage. Now, if your mixture has gotten a little warm," gag, "then it's not going to stand, so pop it in the fridge for a little bit, but if not, then we're good to go with shaping the thing. For that, we're going to invert an 8 ounce jar on a plate, and you're just going to smoooooooooth this liver sausage paste all over it, mmmmm, nothing says delicious like pastering liver sausage paste onto a jar, right? Anyway, once you've got the jar covered, you can sort of smooth it out and shape it like we want, because I know I always like to think about making pottery when I also make my food...Give it a nice smooth flat top, and then into the fridge it goes to settle a little.

"While that's setting, we'll work on our finishing touches. Take this time to take a real actual pineapple, cut off its top, and leave it crying in shame for the bastardize perversion we're executing in its name. Once that's done, you can work on slicing up a few pimento olives, cut crosswise to look, you know, kind of like eyes."

Once that was finished, Summer instructed the to go get their liver sausage pineapples and the coating from the fridge so they could finally assemble it. "Now, the fun part! Plop that pineapple top right on top of your unholy creation, giving it a little twist to get it to settle in, then let's take a knife or a spatula, whichever's easier for you, and coat the liver with the gelatin mix. Scour the surface a little with a chopstick or other tool, drawing on the lines of your pineapple like thiiiiiis...it helps to just press it into the coating rather than dragging it...and then place your olives in the spaces between the lines! Beautiful! Let's toss some parsley garnish around the bottom, get some crackers to serve with it, and viola! Congratulations, you've made a complete culinary abomination, abandon all hope, there's no turning back now!"

So how'd you do? Present the results of your efforts to take a good thing and completely ruin it with a concept that should never exist in the first place!

And if you're really feeling up to it, give it a try! It's highly encouraged to actually try to eat these things, but, considering Summer herself will usually opt out, she's not blaming anyone if they do they same.

God, she is bringing one of these to every potluck and picnic from here on in. It's rare something so horrible can also be so easy to prepare!

By the end of this post, I was actually thinking, "You know, I really do actually want to try this."

God, what is this class going to do to me???

Sign In - MCC, 05/14.

Class Activity - MCC, 05/14.

Present your Pineapple - MCC, 05/14.

Talk to Summer - MCC, 05/14.

OOC -- MCC, 05/14.