captainskullpoopl (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
captainskullpoopl) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomhigh2018-09-03 12:50 pm
captainskullpoopl) wrote in fandomhigh2018-09-03 12:50 pm
Entry tags:
The Circle of Life, Monday Third Period
"Okay!" Vanessa said at the start of today's class. "Today we're going to teach you about the most important thing you need to know about in this day and age, which is: condoms. You need to know about condoms. Because condoms are awesome! They're the cheapest way to not get knocked up and-slash-or knock somebody up, and they keep you from getting a horrible disease. What's not to love?"
"No love, no glove. Or is it the other way around?" Wade asked, tilting his head thoughtfully. "No glove, no love. That's the one. Either way... wrap it before you tap it."
Were they just going to keep coming up with bad sayings for this?
Vanessa had loads, but she also had more information to impart. "And if you're a lesbian and feeling left out, that's what dental dams are for! Yay barrier methods! Not that oral will get you pregnant...
Wade chimed in with a harsh whisper of, "Immaculate conception."
"...usually...but on this island, better safe than sorry, right?"
"Oh, that too," he added. "That's pretty likely."
"Trust no alien genitals unless you're using a barrier method. It's just a good rule! Also, maybe ask if they have barbs or acid semen or anything before you let them stick it in you. But I'm getting off track. Now we'll demonstrate how to use a condom!" Not like that, you pervs.
They had a lot of plans in place for alien sex, folks. A lot.
Wade brought out a bunch of bananas and a box of condoms for this, going for the most cliche method of teaching this that they could. "We'll demonstrate and then you all will do it too. Just please don't end up with a banana fetish or something. That's not on us, that's on you."
"We don't judge," Vanessa assured them. "But. Yeah. Okay, so here's what you're going to do." Take banana, add condom. Not that difficult. "Now you try."
"No love, no glove. Or is it the other way around?" Wade asked, tilting his head thoughtfully. "No glove, no love. That's the one. Either way... wrap it before you tap it."
Were they just going to keep coming up with bad sayings for this?
Vanessa had loads, but she also had more information to impart. "And if you're a lesbian and feeling left out, that's what dental dams are for! Yay barrier methods! Not that oral will get you pregnant...
Wade chimed in with a harsh whisper of, "Immaculate conception."
"...usually...but on this island, better safe than sorry, right?"
"Oh, that too," he added. "That's pretty likely."
"Trust no alien genitals unless you're using a barrier method. It's just a good rule! Also, maybe ask if they have barbs or acid semen or anything before you let them stick it in you. But I'm getting off track. Now we'll demonstrate how to use a condom!" Not like that, you pervs.
They had a lot of plans in place for alien sex, folks. A lot.
Wade brought out a bunch of bananas and a box of condoms for this, going for the most cliche method of teaching this that they could. "We'll demonstrate and then you all will do it too. Just please don't end up with a banana fetish or something. That's not on us, that's on you."
"We don't judge," Vanessa assured them. "But. Yeah. Okay, so here's what you're going to do." Take banana, add condom. Not that difficult. "Now you try."
Sign In
Heh.
Re: Sign In
Re: Sign In
this icon is now cursedRe: Sign In
Practice With A Banana
Re: Practice With A Banana
And she was definitely not asking for clarification on what they considered alien genitals.
Re: Practice With A Banana
At first, Prompto wasn't sure he was understanding everything properly, but no. No, there was no way around it, the teachers were absolutely talking about what he thought they were talking about.
And he honestly couldn't decide if he hated it or if it was the best thing ever. But, as they said, when in Altissia...
...so he decided to embrace it for the craziness that it was, and discovered that, hey, all those years opening candy wrappers as a kid could help him out here. Plus, his fingers were pretty deft and nimble...All in all, a pretty good show. Now he just had to decide if he was going to tell Noctis about this one or not.
...either way, he was so taking pictures.
Re: Practice With A Banana
Talk to the Teachers
OOC