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fandomhigh2018-09-03 12:50 pm
captainskullpoopl) wrote in fandomhigh2018-09-03 12:50 pm
Entry tags:
The Circle of Life, Monday Third Period
"Okay!" Vanessa said at the start of today's class. "Today we're going to teach you about the most important thing you need to know about in this day and age, which is: condoms. You need to know about condoms. Because condoms are awesome! They're the cheapest way to not get knocked up and-slash-or knock somebody up, and they keep you from getting a horrible disease. What's not to love?"
"No love, no glove. Or is it the other way around?" Wade asked, tilting his head thoughtfully. "No glove, no love. That's the one. Either way... wrap it before you tap it."
Were they just going to keep coming up with bad sayings for this?
Vanessa had loads, but she also had more information to impart. "And if you're a lesbian and feeling left out, that's what dental dams are for! Yay barrier methods! Not that oral will get you pregnant...
Wade chimed in with a harsh whisper of, "Immaculate conception."
"...usually...but on this island, better safe than sorry, right?"
"Oh, that too," he added. "That's pretty likely."
"Trust no alien genitals unless you're using a barrier method. It's just a good rule! Also, maybe ask if they have barbs or acid semen or anything before you let them stick it in you. But I'm getting off track. Now we'll demonstrate how to use a condom!" Not like that, you pervs.
They had a lot of plans in place for alien sex, folks. A lot.
Wade brought out a bunch of bananas and a box of condoms for this, going for the most cliche method of teaching this that they could. "We'll demonstrate and then you all will do it too. Just please don't end up with a banana fetish or something. That's not on us, that's on you."
"We don't judge," Vanessa assured them. "But. Yeah. Okay, so here's what you're going to do." Take banana, add condom. Not that difficult. "Now you try."
"No love, no glove. Or is it the other way around?" Wade asked, tilting his head thoughtfully. "No glove, no love. That's the one. Either way... wrap it before you tap it."
Were they just going to keep coming up with bad sayings for this?
Vanessa had loads, but she also had more information to impart. "And if you're a lesbian and feeling left out, that's what dental dams are for! Yay barrier methods! Not that oral will get you pregnant...
Wade chimed in with a harsh whisper of, "Immaculate conception."
"...usually...but on this island, better safe than sorry, right?"
"Oh, that too," he added. "That's pretty likely."
"Trust no alien genitals unless you're using a barrier method. It's just a good rule! Also, maybe ask if they have barbs or acid semen or anything before you let them stick it in you. But I'm getting off track. Now we'll demonstrate how to use a condom!" Not like that, you pervs.
They had a lot of plans in place for alien sex, folks. A lot.
Wade brought out a bunch of bananas and a box of condoms for this, going for the most cliche method of teaching this that they could. "We'll demonstrate and then you all will do it too. Just please don't end up with a banana fetish or something. That's not on us, that's on you."
"We don't judge," Vanessa assured them. "But. Yeah. Okay, so here's what you're going to do." Take banana, add condom. Not that difficult. "Now you try."