fandomhigh | Self-Care for Optimal Stabbing, Thursday

Self-Care for Optimal Stabbing, Thursday

The classroom was set up as one large table with chairs all around them, a grid marked sheet of paper resting on top of the table. And, of course, a lot of dice. Because you gotta have dice for this.

"We're playing games today!" Magnus shouted, arms up in the air cheerfully. "Game. One game. One roleplaying game."

Cara was doing a very good job of hiding the fact she may have made a terrible mistake agreeing to this. "Because sometimes the best way to self-care is pretending to be someone else."

Guess who'd never played DnD before?

Well, technically both of them. Somehow.

"I picked an Elf fire wizard named Aubrey." Magnus, no. Not the cross-promotion!

"I'm a human warrior...named Cara." Cara, no.

Cara, yesssss.

"This is gonna be so much fun." But only if Griffin was around to DM it. Wait, he wasn't? Oh, this might end in tears then. "Everyone make a character and we're gonna go on an adventure!"

Or burn down the inn before they even get out of it. Even odds.

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"Role-playing isn't dumb!" And Magnus was deeply hurt by her words. Deeply.

"I don't know what any of this means," Uma complained. "What's a cantrip and why do I care?"

"Oh! Oh! I know this one! It's a freebie spell."

It was precious how proud of himself he was.

"Wait, you gonna make me pay for other spells?" WHAT KIND OF SCAM WAS THIS, MAGNUS?!

"Well, I don't, but the magic does? I'm not really sure. I'll need to ask Taako 'bout it."

HE WAS A FIGHTY BOY, OKAY?

Uma crossed her arms over her chest. "I'm not paying for some dumb magic spells that only exist on paper," she announced.

"Well then, you can sit it out and we can have all the fun," Magnus said, reaching to take her character sheet from her.

Uma shoved the paper at him. "Don't have any money anyway," she grumbled.

"It's going away," he said, totally committing to this bit. Because it had to be a bit.

"Okay," Uma said, because stubbornness was a character trait. She wasn't pouting over not getting to play this stupid game anyway, whatever. "Someone else can be Dial-Knob the Asinine."

"Going into the garbage," he said, very slowly dragging the paper over that way. Like, comicly slow.

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Uma tried to snatch the paper back. "How much per spell?" she growled.

She hated this game and also you, Magnus.

"I dunno," he said, beaming happily that it worked. "It's all fake! Fake money! I mean, all money is fake. It's just stuff we assign value to."

...well, that was deep of him.

Uma just stared at him. "Fake money?!" she demanded. "Why didn't you say so? How much do I get?"

The important questions now.

"Three?" He was completely guessing. "Three. You get three."

Well, if he wasn't going to specify, Uma was going to write down three platinum pieces because that was the most expensive currency she could find.

Yeah, she was willing to look that up. Nothing else though.

"Well, now I wanna buy spells."

GP! It was always GP! Curse her rules lawyering at his vagueness.

"You get three. Like Charmed."

Not at all like Charmed.

Hey! How was sheeeee to know it was always GP, huh? Huh?

JUST WAIT TILL SHE FOUND THE EQUIPMENT TABLES, IT WAS ALL DOWNHILL FROM THERE.

"I also get some free ones, the cantrip ones," Uma insisted. Smugly. "The book says so."

...Ish.

Don't make him min-max at her. He so would.

"Level one spells only," he said, crossing his arms over his chest.

Fucking munchkins. They were the worst.

"Fine," she said sweetly, and started putting level one spells into the cantrip slots. Because those were all level zeros and apparently she wasn't allowed them.

Who needed Light when you could cast Magic Missile at will?

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Self-Care for Optimal Stabbing, Thursday

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